Attachment/stranger issues

hkg80 · March 2012

Hi,

I introduced myself about six months ago, but I normally lurk on here. I'm having an issue with my 12 month DD and I'm hoping to get some insight/advice

I've stayed home with my DD since she was born, and starting around six months, she would be a little shy around new people, but it was never too bad. I know that it is normal for babies to be shy and/or very attached to their parents around this age. However, she is now 12 months, and I feel that the issue is getting worse, not better. When my in-laws came to visit last month, she was so upset at seeing someone "new" (she doesn't see them often) that she cried so hard she couldn't catch her breath. Last week, we saw an woman that we know, and when she said hello to DD and gently touched her shoulder, she burst into tears. Today we went to my husband's office to have lunch with him, and she burst into tears any time someone she didn't know approached her. This wasn't a few tears-- this was crying so hard her head would become red and splotchy. Scenarios like this seem to be happening more frequently. We don't have any family in town, and we really can't afford a babysitter or mother's-day-out type of thing on a regular basis, so she really does spend all of her time with us. She does spend 1-2 hours a week at the church nursery (where she cries most of the time), and we have friends who very occasionally watch her for us.

So, I guess I'm wondering how much shyness/parent attachment is normal for this age, and any suggestions how we can help her overcome this? Thanks for any advice/insight!

JOEBunny · March 2012

I pronounce your little girl normal. I have two kids. One is a social butterfly, one is not. Sounds like yours falls into the not category at this moment in time. My little one is still a barnacle and will cling to me in any new situation. Today he hid under my grandfathers bed with a couple of cars to play with, while my cousin's and I had lunch with my grandfather. I don't force it, just try to teach him to be as polite as possible, without taking him out of his comfort zone. I also put him in an ergo when we go places with new people or crowds because he seems a lot happier that way.

wifeandmama · March 2012

Normal. She sounds shy. Just keep encouraging her but she might just not be a social person! No biggie, IMO.

MJCF · March 2012

Could be a phase. My DS is 15 months and he just started being really shy. My mom came over the other day and he is used to her, she watched him when I worked full time, and he hid in the corner. He was fine after a few min. He also did it with MIL.

littlemermaid · March 2012

Sounds normal to me. Just keep encouraging her. Keep bringing her out and having your friends watch her. Do you do storytime at your local public library, that's free. Make sure you aren't tensing up around strangers or the inlaws since babies are very intuitive and can read us more than we think. You don't want to be giving off nervous vibes that she may pick up on.

hkg80 · March 2012

Thanks for responding. My husband and I are not shy people, but we are introverts, so maybe she's inherited some of those characteristics. I hope that the extreme reactions to new people is just a phase. It's hard to want to take her places when she becomes so upset, but on the other hand I know that its good for her to be around other people. So we'll probably just continue doing what we're doing, and not pushing her too much, but also encouraging her to become used to other people without being shy or afraid. I'm also glad to hear that it seems normal for this age; she's our first baby, so sometimes its hard to know what's "normal"!

HarrietNJMommy · March 2012

hkg80:
Thanks for responding. My husband and I are not shy people, but we are introverts, so maybe she's inherited some of those characteristics. I hope that the extreme reactions to new people is just a phase. It's hard to want to take her places when she becomes so upset, but on the other hand I know that its good for her to be around other people. So we'll probably just continue doing what we're doing, and not pushing her too much, but also encouraging her to become used to other people without being shy or afraid. I'm also glad to hear that it seems normal for this age; she's our first baby, so sometimes its hard to know what's "normal"!

If you are both introverts, then you should understand her reaction. Introverts get their energy from within. They do NOT need (or like) to be around other people and can only really do so in limited time frames. DH is a total introvert. He is NOT shy and in fact, is very social. That doesn't mean that he loves being social and in social situations with lots of people around. As a kid, he was painfully shy and pretty much played on his own. People thought he was antisocial. They just didn't understand his personality.

I am an extrovert. DD#1 is an introvert. She has come out of her shell, but when she was a baby, NO ONE could hold her. She would work herself into a vomit. It was VERY VERY hard for me since I'm not an introvert and couldn't really understand her way of thinking. She was extremely overwhelmed by crowds and people. I did my best to expose her to things/people/etc. and slowly she started to join into crowds and groups. She STILL has a tougher time than my other 2 when we go to big events and there are lots of people. She has a "warm up" period, but it's so much shorter than it used to be.

GL!

Attachment/stranger issues

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