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Attachment Parenting
*Anna* or anyone else who worries...
Anna - didn't you recently post about having lots of random worries? If not, forgive my pregnancy brain...I dreamed it up!
Since we found out we having a boy everything seems so "real"..if that makes sense. Now all my worries are kicking in. Will I compare the 2 boys to each other? Will I be able to keep up with 2 boys?! And the list goes on and on...I even worry about life with teen boys.
Yikes..someone talk some sense into me!
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Re: *Anna* or anyone else who worries...
This will only be relevant if you've got some religion/faith in your life but here goes anyway:
Worry is the opposite of faith. If you believe there's a God out there that cares about you and loves you and wants to care for you, then worrying is saying that God isn't going to do those things. It's saying that you have to think and worry and dwell rather than trust and pray.
I look at how far I've come so far in my life, and how everything has turned out, and I have to take a deep breath and believe that I will just keep going, keep coping, and keep finding the joy in each day.
Even if you don't believe the God part, the worrying doesn't change a thing. It just means you're spending your time dwelling on negative "what ifs" instead of the great parts of right now.
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I do agree with a lot of this! I love the AA philosophy of letting go of control and leaving things up to a higher power. And yes there are moments I run to the "what ifs" and it drives me crazy...doesn't help anything..but I do go there sometimes.
I do agree with a lot of this! I love the AA philosophy of letting go of control and leaving things up to a higher power. And yes there are moments I run to the "what ifs" and it drives me crazy...doesn't help anything..but I do go there sometimes.
Oh yes, I did. I worry. And how. See my latest worry in a post a few below.
It's not a question of lack of faith in the universe taking care of me. I have a good life. I am grateful as anything for it. But, I have also worked really hard to have the life I want. It didn't just happen. If I had let things just happen to me, maybe things would be okay, maybe I'd be happy or at least not super unhappy with my lot, but I am pretty sure I would not be where I am, literally and metaphorically, doing what I am doing. I live a gajillion miles from the city I was born in, I am married to someone whom I had a long-distance relationship with for over three years (and we're now going on ten years of marriage) and I run my own business. Those are all things that have taken a lot of work and a lot of planning to pull off and countless hours of worrying. Because my way of planning for things is by worrying about them. It's this instinct I can't just turn off (no matter the amount of yoga, meetings with a therapist, close friends to talk to, etc.).
The good thing for me, though, is that once a decision is made, the worry shifts to whatever decision is next. In my mind, I worried enough about a decision to feel like I thought it through and shouldn't revisit it. I also try to be proactive about what it is that's worrying me, instead of letting my worries paralyze me and keep me from moving forward.
And, above all, I voice my worries. I think I would explode if I didn't verbalized them, hence my hanging around these parts a lot. In your case, I would probably seek out anyone I knew who had two boys already and obsessively ask questions about anything that popped into my head, even if some of the answers I received were just the person saying "I've never even considered that."
Beautifully put.
This for me too. I have a hard time with change. And I agree that sometimes worrying is a way to process things. When I am driving myself nuts I think "well..if I wasn't 'worrying' I don't know that I would be analyzing and thinking." So, yes there are postives and negatives. The good part is it helps me think deeply about stuff.
This helps. I have been talking to some friends and family...good thing is they know me and understand!
I don't think it's fair to correlate anxiety and worrying with a lack of faith. God knows our struggles and for some people that includes worrying, but just because someone has that "weakness" doesn't mean they doubt their higher power, just that it's something they need help with. If it were that easy to let go of anxiety, there would be a lot less people in therapy and a lot more at home on their knees.
OP- I was so scared after we found out we were pregnant that I wouldn't love no. 2 as much as no. 1, that no 1 or no 2 would get short changed, that we would compare the, too much, etc. If you're anything like me, there will come a point where you just take a deep breath and accept that what will be will be and as PP said, God knows what he is doing and has it all worked out in advance. Good luck.