Overbearing Coaches in L & D

blushingbride_08 · March 2012

I'm visiting from the 3rd tri board. I have an overbearing mom and sister that are planning to be in the delivery room with me along with DH. I'm now reconsidering if I should only have DH there. I can imagine myself yelling at them to leave if they annoy me. Plus I really just want DH and I to share this special moment. But I also feel like my mom and sis have experience during labor. How did everyone feel about having other fam members in the room besides DH?

mben1119 · March 2012

DH and I were the only 2 that made this baby, we were the only 2 in the room (excluding medical personnel) when he came out!

HSartteach · March 2012

Starbuck128:
They may have experience, but they can't labor for you. If you feel like they will just cause you stress, don't have them in there. You and your DH deserve this moment.

this!

JFH2010 · March 2012

Labor required a lot of focus for me and I would not have wanted anyone but DH there.

returnhomegnome · March 2012

Absolutely nix them. It's an intense time. Tell them to come over once you're home from the hospital. You don't need any added stress while you're trying to recover and learning to breastfeed. There is no way they can be helpful while you're still in hospital. Once you're home they can help.

bitsybubbles7 · March 2012

My mom and sister (who has not had children) were there from about 2 hours after we checked in until baby was born. But I wanted them there as Hubby had just gotten off a 12 hour night shift (literally I called him 10 mins before he was suppose to punch out and was like "you need to leave NOW!" lol) and slept after they showed up.

Originally they were leaving during exams, but after a while I didn't care and they didn't look. I labored for about 13 hours with them until I had an emergency c/s and then they got to be right outside the operating room and got to hear baby's first cries. I loved having them there.

annabelle.27 · March 2012

I only wanted my husband. My mom tried to finagle her way in with DS1 through major hinting at the end of my pregnancy and then by showing up at the hospital while I was in labour (fortunately, the hospital has strict privacy policies and actually told her I wasn't at the hospital, rather than confirm that I was a patient there, and sent her home- that freaked her out!). For DS2 she had accepted, I guess, that I wasn't going to invite her and never asked or hinted. I have not regretted my decision to keep it to my husband and I for an instant.

FabulousMrs.P · March 2012

I only had my DH. My nurse was great and provided lots of guidance, so I don't feel like I missed out by not having my mom there. When I was laboring, I wanted it to be quiet so that I could concentrate on getting through each contraction. Having a lot of chatter in the room wouldn't have worked for me.That was me, though.

Do you live close to them? Can you just have them on-call so you can call them if you feel like you need additional support if having just DH doesn't work for you?

FabulousMrs.P · March 2012

Oh, and check with your hospital about how many people you can have anyway. I could only have 2 people in the room with me while I labored. In fact, the birth coach instructor told us if you don't want people there to just say there were restrictions. My husband was the only name on my labor partner list...no one else could come back which eliminated any surprise visits by in-laws.

liberty95 · March 2012

Starbuck128:
They may have experience, but they can't labor for you. If you feel like they will just cause you stress, don't have them in there. You and your DH deserve this moment.

Yup! Labor is stressful enough, don't add to it!

RaeJ004 · March 2012

They have experience with their own labors only. So they know what they liked and what worked for them. My mom and sisters were in and out while I was laboring (not delivering) and were no help whatsoever. I got a lot of "You know what you should do..." and "You know worked for me..." and it just pissed me off. Also once my doc announced that I was at 9cm they all told me I would be ready to push within the hour because they all went from 9 to 10 so fast. Four hours later my baby was born.

Next time we're not even telling people when we go to the hospital much less let them in there while I'm laboring. And DH will always be the only person in there with me while I'm delivering!

GL!

karleegirl · March 2012

I had my mom in the room as well as dh. She was great. But she listened when I told everybody to be quiet, and did whatever else I asked of her.she can be bossy at times, but I was glad to have her there.

talitha712 · March 2012

DH was the only one in the room, besides the doctor and nurses. We felt like this was a special moment just for the two of us. My mom had her birth experiences with my sister and me, and my sister will get them if she and her DH choose to have kids. In the end, my mom was the only person able to make it to the hospital. She sat in the waiting room by herself (luckily it was only for a few hours, since I had a fast labor). She was totally fine with it. And I'm so glad that DH and I were the first ones to meet our daughter and that we had some time as a new family of three before any other family was in the room.

jju_stb_jju · March 2012

For me personally I actually enjoyed having people in my room during labor, I had to have the.pitocin when I got to the hospital because my water broke and I was not dilated at all. Having people come and sit and chat with me helped me not feel the pain, I was able to get to a 6 almost 7 before asking for the epi. Then after I got it I crashed out until I was at a 10 and I only had dh and my mom in the room with me, dh was pushing my left leg for me and my mom was pushing me from my back forward and they were both so helpful and so motivating for me that I pushed ds out in less than 8 pushes, so I didn't mind then there. Ultimately you need to see how you feel during labor and then make your decision there cause labor is so different for everybody and you don't know how you're gonna feel until you are there!

mle5d · March 2012

mabenner1:
DH and I were the only 2 that made this baby, we were the only 2 in the room (excluding medical personnel) when he came out!

This. We told my dsmily and his at the same time that we would be the only ones in the delivery room. I ended up with a c-section anyway, so that would have been the case regardless.

mlee116 · March 2012

My DH and mom were in the room with me. DH's mom came in briefly. If I could do it over, I would've only had DH in there with me. My mom drove me crazy. She kept asking me questions, trying to hug me and touch me. She also kept trying to rub my stomach when I'd have a contraction to "rub the contraction out"...I thought I was going to slap her! Then she made it sound like my contractions were easy when I was on the highest dose of pitocin for hours before getting the epidural.

My MIL was annoying too. She told me that instead of cussing during contractions I should just pray. I told her to go to the damn waiting room.

So, yeah, next time, no one will be in there with me except DH.

tooley2012 · March 2012

I had DH and my sister in the room with me and I'm glad I did just because of how close my sister and I are. She took pictures of DD right after she was born because there was no way DH was going to be able to.

That being said - If you have any feelings at all that they'll stress you out, get them out of there before it even starts. You do NOT need that in the delivery room. Also, the nurses in L&D have experience too. This is what they do for a living.

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