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Blended Families
Teaching Privacy
We have SD6 and SS4 just about 50% of the time. We don't have other kids yet but currently live in a 2-bed townhouse so the kids share a room. Up until a couple months ago we've let them change clothes in front of each other but not bathe together or be in the bathroom together. Lately I've been trying to implement new privacy rules; they both frequently forget to shut the door when they're using the bathroom so I'm constantly reminding them of that, and I've started making them change seperately (SS steps out of the room when SD is changing and vice versa).
Also, what about DH and I changing in front of them? I of course don't change in front of SS, but have gotten down to my bra and undies with SD. DH doesn't see a problem with that but I think BM prob would. (she comments on my unmentionables and I'm afraid it'd somehow get back to BM!) If it was my DD, it'd be different I think. And then DH fully changes in front of SS and took a shower with him the other day. I give both the kids baths but don't let either of them see me fully nude.
Do you agree/disagree? DH feels like since the kids share a room there's not much we can do about privacy right now, but I think we need to start teaching it as much as we can. And I realize that some kids are just curious, but like everything else when it comes to discipline, I feel like starting early is best. ??? Comments ???
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Re: Teaching Privacy
I think trying to teach them is important, but it can be a long struggle. We still have problems with my oldest SS leaving the bathroom door open.
That being said, there are situations where I change in front of my SD as well. Especially if we are camping and all need to change at once, the girls will change in one tent and the boys in another. I'm also a BM and I wouldn't care if DD's SM changed in front of her. Girls change in front of girls more often as they get older same with boys changing in front of boys. DD is in middle school and they change out for gym. That would not weird me out at all because she's going to see lots of other girls change clothes in her life, a SM changing in front of her shouldn't be a big deal.
every family and situation is different. do what you are comfortable with, and what DH is comfortable with and what the kids are comfortable with. I don't think you described doing anything 'wrong' it just comes down to personal preferences.
I personally don't change clothes in front of SD just because in the past she would always compare me to BM and it made me really uncomfortable, so instead of taking it out on SD I just dont change in front of her.
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
I think everything you are doing is right except for the getting rully nude and showering in front of the children. I also had a problen with that with my DH. I had to tell him that I didn't feel comfortable with the children walking in and out of the bathroom while he was in the shower/getting changed and he shouldn't be doing it either.
To put it in a way he could understand .. I told him as soon as the girls can remember what they saw he should probably stop doing it, especially if they aren't getting grossed out. I think if i saw my dad in the shower I would puke! haha.
But like everyone else says, everyone's family is different.
I sometimes change infront of SDs , the little one especially because I do not ever want to leave them unattended for too long and getting changed in the same room is quicker than going to the bathroom. As they started to understand about your "private parts" I would tell them to turn around until I was done.
We've been working w/ DS on this. Left to his own devices, he would strip naked and strut around the house naked all the time. ::sigh::
DD (2) and DS (7) still sometimes take a bath together, but I think that's about to stop. Not so much because of privacy stuff, but they're just too big.
Our rules are..
- DH and I need privacy when our door is closed. Knock if you need to come in.
- If you need to change clothes, your bedroom or bathroom are almost always the best choice. If you are somewhere else, ask where you should change.
We used to be more relaxed when DS was younger (3/4ish), but since he was 5 or so, we have drawn some pretty clear boundaries. Kind of for the same reasons as you--I don't want him running off and telling something someone that could be misconstrued.
This makes sense, that there are instances that it can't be helped and that it should not be a big deal. And I am not a squeamish or modest person in particular, in the way I deal with nudity in my house. For some reason though, the thought of a future SM changing regularly in front of my dc weirds me out a little. I would not complain about it to exh if I heard about it, but that was my first reaction.
I think you're doing really well. It's a work in progress and will take them a while to "get it". How would BM know you're changing in front of your SD - unless your SD keeps telling her. I would have you and your DH sit down with SD and again explaining how it's a small house and that you're doing your best not to undress around her, but that sometimes you're in a time crunch for example.
Yep yep. It really is a matter of family preference. Talk it out with your DH and agree on something you can both be comfortable with. Because if you're uncomfortable the kids will be too, and that is when things can get confusing.