Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: anyone's VBAC recovery worse than c-section?
What do you mean by "make the call if I'm a VBAC candidate" the only things that would disqualify you would be a non-lower transverse scar or a medical issue (placenta previa for example). Outside of that it's your choice whether to try for a VBAC or not.
Also keep in mind that you can decide at any point in labor to have a c/s, if you get to a point and then stall then all you have to do is tell your doctor you want to have a RCS. Believe me he won't argue with you. But the opposite isn't true of a RCS, once you make that decision it's hard to go back.
So you can take it bit by bit. How would you feel if the Dr. scares you into a RCS because the baby is "big" but then turns out not to be? Don't let fear keep you from trying for a VBAC if you really want one.
Keep in mind that u/s weights are guesses that can be 1-2 lbs off, most babies don't drop until labor in 2nd time moms, and position has way more to do with a baby fitting than weight.
For example I 'know' a mom on another VBAC board that vbac'd a 10 lb 3 oz baby but had been labeled CPD/FTP with her first who was 8 lb 2 oz but turned slightly off from AO position.
My first recommendation would be if you truly want to VBAC find a new more supportive Dr. or at least get a 2nd opinion with a more supportive Dr. so you have a better picture of what you're looking at.
Oh, and I've rarely heard of anyone regreting a VBAC attempt/success, most that I've talked to are glad they tried whether they were successful or not. And all have said that their VBAC recovery was far better than a c/s even if they tore.
i guess i didn't mean officially a 'candidate'...but he was saying if it looks any more promising than last time. since DS never dropped, was OP, etc. but i totally hear what you're saying. thanks for the input
frozen transfer a success! boy #2 via VBAC
Thanks for taking it the way I intended :-) it's a lot longer and preachier than I meant for it to be.
Maybe Jan312 would have some insight. She had a 4th degree tear - posted about it last week. She didn't say, but I was wondering if she might have regretted her VBAC.
I had a third degree tear with my VBAC and I would still say vaginal was easier. I had a harder time sitting and walking in the first week but after abou 10 days I was driving, cooking, light cleaning, up and down stairs, lifting my 2 1/2 year old, etc. by 3 weeks I was takin strenuous walks (hills, pushing 2 kids in a double stroller) of 2-3 miles. I did have to take things slow at first but my recovery this time has been much faster and less painful.
I do understand your concerns about laboring and ending in a CS. I actually had consented to a RCS and went into labor 4 days before the scheduled date, and I am SO glad I gave VBAC a try... I think even if I had required a RCS I wouldn't have been disappointed b/c I didn't get my hopes up. I had wanted to VBAC all along but my doctor did push for a RCS and I was scared of the "failure" aspect. If you have a good support system and realistic expectations, I don't think the "failure" should scare you. Best wishes in this decision...
I had a very easy c/s recovery, so I would say my VBAC recovery was about equal. They were definitely different so it is hard to compare in some ways. I had a minor tear, no stitches, but I felt pretty sore and swollen for a couple weeks.
I worried about having a terrible recovery and regretting the VBAC. But I knew that if I didn't try, it was 100% guaranteed I would regret not trying. So I opted for the possibility of a difficult vaginal birth vs. the certainty of always regretting not trying a VBAC. Hope that I am making sense here.
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I agree with this. It's hard to compare, really. I had an easy c-section recovery (was out driving, shopping, lunch with friends, etc on day 5) and I had an "easy" vbac (no tearing, no injury). But I was actually really sore after my vbac- and, six weeks later, I'm actually still a little tender. I was swollen like crazy and I couldn't walk around much without feeling like I was straining my perineal area for weeks. But, I could lift my almost-four-year-old son, get myself in and out of bed without help, be useful around the house, and generally felt less confined after my vbac. But really, it's hard to compare. I've come to the conclusion that there is no good way to get the baby out and you just gotta suck it up and do it...
I do not think your OB truly supports vbac. I really don't.
2nd babies often do not drop until you are in labor, that in itself is an unrealistic "goal" that you have to meet to get to attempt vbac.
I stalled out at 7cm too... OB said nothing was going to change, it'd been so long... have to do a c/s. I'd been in labor for 19 hours when I had my c/s and baby was never distressed. For my vbac, I stalled out again for hours and hours. New OB said lets wait and see. He wa smuch more patient than even I was... and I had my vbac after 29 hours of labor.
I had a 2nd degree tear and no regrets.
I have to agree with this. I live in Chicago and had a great VBAC experience with the midwives at UIC - it has the best VBAC success rate in the city. There's other places that are truly pro-VBAC, too. PM me if you want more info.
My VBAC recovery was a lot faster than my c/s, even though I was beat up afterwards, and had a second degree tear.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
I had a great VBAC recovery and I tore.
A friend of mine had a terrible first vaginal delivery and opted for a c/s as a result for the second. I have never personally heard of a person regretting a VBAC.
I had a 3rd degree tear, but I don't regret my VBAC one bit. The recovery was a ton easier for me than my C/S, which was important since this time around I also had a toddler to chase after.
They did have to use the vacuum for my VBAC, since DD's cord was wrapped around her shoulder, and it was presented to me as "Cesarean or vacuum". Once I heard the word "cesarean", I pushed with all my might, and got her out in under 30 minutes. My doula thought the only reason I tore so much was because the pushing stage was a bit rushed due to DD's heart rate dropping.
Granted I had a episiotomy and not a tear (for ds #1, which ended in emergency c-section)....my episiotomy healed way faster and felt better sooner than my c-section incision.
I personally rather tear than have another c-section.
~after 34 cycles we finally got our 2nd little bundle of joy~
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