I understand that she meant well...(DS ment.)

Mrs.DeliaMarieP · March 2012

I got a random FB message from a random former co-worker I haven't seen in 2 years, and not someone I was close with, and I quote:

"Hi Delia, How are you doing? Your baby is growing up to fast. When are you having another one? He needs a sister or another brother."

That's the whole message. I know she meant well, but FFS people...if you haven't seen me in a long time, and obviously I don't have another child yet, why would you ask me this out of the blue? What ever happened to "haven't seen you in a while, how have you been?"

I actually get that weird, embarrassed feeling for people when they ask me this question (and it's happened 5 or 6 times) and I respond by telling them I miscarried. In this case, I'm not even going to respond, because I don't want to deal with the awkward response from her later on, whether it is apologetic or whatever. I'm not even going to tell her "we're not ready yet," or something along those lines because to me, that's flat-out lying and I don't want to do that.

I'm not hurt, it's just weird to ask that question. That's all. Thanks for letting me vent.

LaTi07 · March 2012

For some reason once you hit those "child bearing" years your uterus is no longer your business. Apparently there was a memo sent around and we just missed it.

This just proves my point, people suck. Sorry hun! (hugs)

raashton · March 2012

People just don't get it! You don't ask this question out of the blue- if ever!

Luckily, I made it well known that the hubs and I were going to try right away after getting married so they know that if I am not pg or have a baby right now, they don't ask b/c things obviously aren't working out.

I am so sorry sweetie! Ugh, people suck sometimes. (Ok, a lot of times in this area.)

Mash67 · March 2012

Ive been asked this question multiple times too, and Im so sick of saying we are working on it, or soon.... now I flat out say it, and yes it does make the situation awkward but It makes me feel better that Im not making it up, and It gets it off my chest. With that being said, every time I say it, I feel like they just had an ohh sh*t moment and realize that next time they probably shouldnt ask any one these questions.

And frankley, its none of their business whether they think YOUR child needs a sibiling.

KDS1987 · March 2012

People are dumb. Agreed. I get all the "why havent you guys had babies yet" and I always say that I miscarried and they shut up. Its super awkward but I always hope that maybe that person will never ask someone else that question and I can save someone else the sting of that question.

JessicaRobb · March 2012

LaTi07:
"For some reason once you hit those "child bearing" years your uterus is no longer your business. Apparently there was a memo sent around and we just missed it."

HA!

Mrs.DeliaMarieP · March 2012

Mash67:
Ive been asked this question multiple times too, and Im so sick of saying we are working on it, or soon.... now I flat out say it, and yes it does make the situation awkward but It makes me feel better that Im not making it up, and It gets it off my chest. With that being said, every time I say it, I feel like they just had an ohh sh*t moment and realize that next time they probably shouldnt ask any one these questions.
And frankley, its none of their business whether they think YOUR child needs a sibiling.

That is exactly why I tell people the honest truth. But, I'm not gonna do that for an email. At least in person, I can gloss it over when they get the "oh sh*t" moment and try to make them feel less stupid, and prevent them from apologizing. I think you're right, that it will make them think twice next time.

It's just funny that people ask this so casually, without any regard for privacy. I mean, just a few weeks ago I was at a baby shower and ran into a girl I hadn't seen in years. She asked me if there were "any plans for #2?" So, I told her about the m/c, and then proceeded to ask her if there were any plans for #1 for her. She told me she was trying. But, I felt since she asked first, and we were in a convo, at a BABY shower, that the whole conversation was appropriate. It wasn't as if it was the first thing she said to me after 15 years.

It's just one of those :::facepalm::: kind of things, lol.

KGS2003 · March 2012

LaTi07:
For some reason once you hit those "child bearing" years your uterus is no longer your business. Apparently there was a memo sent around and we just missed it.

This just proves my point, people suck. Sorry hun! (hugs)

danaunclaw · March 2012

I have the same rant. People just have no fn sense. The further I get from our loss the more painfully blunt I am. I was pretty far along and was showing. Someone said something about me having my baby the other day after I had told them before we lost him and they obviously forgot. So when he asked how my baby was I said "well he died". I'm sure that came off b!tchy but geeeez. I'm just tired of talking about it unless it's a sincere "how are you doing?". I say ignore it for now but just be be blunt in the future. It takes much less energy.

shellyco · March 2012

That really sucks, and it is so awkwardly random.

When we were still TTA I made the mistake of telling everyone and their mother that we planned to begin TTC in August 2011. Every time I see a friend I haven't seen in a while they ask me if we are still trying to have babies. Telling them the truth usually shuts them up, but gushing to them originally was my fault, and for the most part my girlfriends aren't at this stage yet anyways, so I cut them some slack.

big_noise · March 2012

Jessiebug81:
LaTi07:
For some reason once you hit those "child bearing" years your uterus is no longer your business. Apparently there was a memo sent around and we just missed it.

This just proves my point, people suck. Sorry hun! (hugs)
Amen! And you know who's apparently the MOST concerned about my uterus? People I effing can't stand to be around. Ugh. Shut up and think about your own organs.

This and this. Def. Unfortunately, it won't change when we all GET pg either. Then people just doll out the unsolicited advice...for which the correct answer is STFU!

HopingforChange · March 2012

I am sorry. That is SO very awkward. I generally just tell people who ask when we are having kids that we miscarried because I think they should learn to mind their own business, but I agree--that would be awkward in an email.

Actually, I just asked someone I recently met if he had kids (I don't know him at all yet, but we are in a shared organization, and he's in his thirties I would guess), and he visibly recoiled and said, "No, not yet." I thought my question was okay because it was about the present, not about his reproductive plans, but I felt so very badly because, while he may just be newly married, I got the feeling there might be more to it. I was upset with myself for touching a nerve. I guess it just goes to show that even those of us who try to be super sensitive can accidentally ask painful questions.

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I understand that she meant well...(DS ment.)

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