Parenting

Parents of 3+ children

Hi everyone. I haven't posted on this board before. DH and I were approved to adopt in 2011 and have been matched with a sibling group of three (ages 1, 4 and 7). We previously fostered a sibling group of three with similar ages for ten days and it was very chaotic. We're very excited about moving forward with this adoption but also scared. We do not have any children so we're going from 0 to 3. I just thought maybe someone who has 3 or more children could offer works of advice. We're a little panicked at the thought. I know we can do it but it's definitely scary. Thanks!

Me 30/DH 31 Married in June 2003. TTC since 2008. M/c in Nov. 2008. D/x: DOR and MFI 5 cycles of IUI in 2010. IVF #1 in Nov. 2011. ER 11/22. ET 11/25. BFN.

Re: Parents of 3+ children

  • Parenting 3 kids IS chaotic....and I imagine with an adoption there are a WHOLE host of other issues (especially with the older kids) that you will deal with....

    HOWEVER...it becomes YOUR chaos...you manage it, you figure out what works, and it becomes second nature...I don't think in 10 days you probably had a chance to really "feel" the normal...but anymore, going places with my 3 kids (and I always took them everywhere..groceries, zoo, whatever), is no big deal..and people still come up to me from time to time to say stuff like "wow you have your hands full!" or "no way I would leave the house with 3 kids" or whatever...but its really not a big deal....I have my expectations, they follow them (mostly...they aren't angels).

    Sooo, i have no advice about the adoption part...but good luck!   

  • It will be challenging!  I have a similar spacing of my kids. 

    I can't say our situations will be completely the same, however, since you probably have many other challenges as foster/adoptive parents.

    Hopefully the older sibs will be helpful in caring for the youngest.  I taught my boys to get their own cereal/toast and beverages and how to make a p.b. & j. 

    You'll need to babyproof ASAP. 

    At those ages you can probably do a bedtime routine with all of them together, as long as the 1 yr old and 4 year old are also taking naps.  That age was great for us to all cuddle up in one bed and read books all together. 

    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
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  • Doesn't the adoption agency have resources and support groups?  Or are there adoption message boards out there?  It seems like your situation is a lot more unique than just a family with the 3 kids.

    Good luck!

  • How very exciting!!!!

    3 kids is so much fun.  It is definitely a little crazy and a lot loud.  But those ages are great. 

    A little organization goes a long way.  Even now that my kids are getting older, I still take a few minutes once they're in bed to organize the next day as much as possible (lay out clothes, pack lunches, figure out meals, and take note of the schedule). 

    It also helps to keep the kids busy.  I don't mean overscheduled but have something ready to go.  Little activities, games, outtings, etc.

    And a little one-on-one time is the best motivator/behavioral management tool I've ever found. 

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  • I agree, 3 is choas.   Sometimes, my head doesn't stop spinning!  Are they boys/girls?  Can you say?  

    The group is similar to mine.  I still sometimes have a hard time having all three out in public-- 2 is very doable but adding that one more, urgh.  Tonight, we are going to an event at the school and it's going to be tricky (sack dinners provided by the school- and I will not be home in time to cook, so sack dinner it is).  There just isn't always enough hands to help everyone.  MH is not home in the evenings to help.  

    Having the oldest in school will be helpful (and maybe even the second child).  That will give you 1:1 with the 1 year old. 

    I also agree with organization.  Best of luck!


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  • Thanks everyone for the advice and encouragement! I do post on the adoption board also but a lot of people there are going through the process and aren't parents yet. My husband works evenings right now too, which is a big worry for me. He's been promoted to dayshift but we don't know when it will start. Hopefully before the kids come to live with us. We know three kids are a lot and we'll have additional issues to deal with because of their past experiences. But I think we can do it!

    Me 30/DH 31 Married in June 2003. TTC since 2008. M/c in Nov. 2008. D/x: DOR and MFI 5 cycles of IUI in 2010. IVF #1 in Nov. 2011. ER 11/22. ET 11/25. BFN.
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