Children at shower

mamatotwins0812 · March 2012

Hi all. I know there have been some similiar posts but I wanted to get clarity around my specific situation. For my shower, I personally dont care if a couple of (little) kids are there. However, I dont want it to be a kids all inclusive free for all. Clearly there has to be a line drawn one way or another so my thought is it has to be no kids which is fine. Here is the dilemma, I know for a fact (from past experience) that DH's family brings their kids to everything without asking (even if they are told no, nice right?). So I am struggling with how to tell those who do ask "no" and then have them see other kids at the shower? Anyone have any experience/advice on this? TIA!

srs5624 · March 2012

IMO, there's no good way to do that. Kids are kind of an "all or nothing" thing.

pam1005 · March 2012

srs5624:
IMO, there's no good way to do that. Kids are kind of an "all or nothing" thing.

Yup, you can't really tell one family yes, and then the others no. I see the only way to allow any kids is if they are babies and are breastfeeding. Other than that you should probably just say no to the rest of them.

EastCoastBride · March 2012

Well, I dont' think kids are necessarily all or nothing (although I do agree that you can't say no to one family then have the other familiy's kids there), but what I'd be working on is DH's family.

Seriously- I'd consider not inviting them. Let someone in his family throw a shower where all the kids can come.

Let "this" shower be for your family and friends. if asked- you can honestly say that space is an issue and as his family insists on bringing their kids, you can't include them.

mamatotwins0812 · March 2012

Sorry, I probably didnt explain that clearly. I definitely wouldnt tell one family yes and the other no, the problem is that DH's family brings them regardless of if they are told its ok or not. With that being said, I am afraid that other people who are told no (if they ask) are going to think "well why did they get told yes" (when in actuality they didnt, they just brought them anyway). Unfortunately I cant not invite them, I am just struggling with no hurt feelings.

EastCoastBride · March 2012

mamatotwins0812:
Unfortunately I cant not invite them, I am just struggling with no hurt feelings.

So either you invite them and then "hurt" your family when your family doesn't bring their kids but DH's family does, OR you "hurt" his family by saying "Sorry- there is a limit to how many peopel can come.".

I don't know what to tell you if you aren't willing to actually draw a firm line that says "Sorry- you can't bring kids".

mamatotwins0812 · March 2012

Well the reason I am not "advertising" no kids is because the invites are addressed to the women only. So traditionally this would mean no children allowed. I didnt chose to have this included on the invite just because I prefer it not to be added. So if someone replies "yes I will be there" I dont see how the host can say "are you bringing your kids? Because theyre not allowed". For me, if I RSVP'd to something I would say "I will be there", or "me and my daughter will be there", and of course then it would be addressed. But if they dont TELL us they are bringing the kids, we can only wait and see....its the people who actually do ask and we say no (because thats what we are choosing) that I am worried about.

EastCoastBride · March 2012

mamatotwins0812:
But if they dont TELL us they are bringing the kids, we can only wait and see....its the people who actually do ask and we say no (because thats what we are choosing) that I am worried about.

You KNOW how his family is. Stop sitting back and crossing your fingers that they tell you so that you have a "window" to tell them no kids. Be proactive and actually, yes, find a way for the hostess to say "Oh, and just so you know, due to space, we're unable to accomodate any children".

Their bringing children when children aren't invited is actually RUDE on their part. There is nothing wrong w/ you all pre-emptively telling them that kids aren't included.

ChristyML · March 2012

OP, I think you should have a separate room (if it's available, I don't know where your shower is) for the rude people who bring their children (not for the adults, for the kids) and have a movie going or something.

Also, if you say to everyone that everyone has been told to not bring children, how are your DH's family going to look? They're going to look rude and selfish (that they couldn't find a sitter or since they couldn't find a sitter, decided not to come, which is what you are supposed to do). I would also just say that to everyone regardless of what they say to you first.

I hope this helps.

mamatotwins0812 · March 2012

I agree with your point and that probably is the only solution. I just think its awkward. So what if someone leaves the RSVP in a voice message? Would my mom have to call them back and say "thanks for the RSVP, by the way no kids"...I just feel like its odd and makes so much more work for her (having to call back everyone, most of which she wouldnt even have numbers for). But youre probably right as I cant think of another solution (hence my post lol).

EastCoastBride · March 2012

mamatotwins0812:
I agree with your point and that probably is the only solution. I just think its awkward. So what if someone leaves the RSVP in a voice message? Would my mom have to call them back and say "thanks for the RSVP, by the way no kids"...I just feel like its odd and makes so much more work for her (having to call back everyone, most of which she wouldnt even have numbers for). But youre probably right as I cant think of another solution (hence my post lol).

Sure, it is awkward. But I'd honestly rather do this (and upset the RUDE people) than take a chance that they show up w/ their kids and then, in turn, upset the people who aren't rude!

Plus, if you all actually do this now (clearly tell them "no kids"), maybe, JUST maybe, they'll realize "Oh- all events aren't automatically for kids too....". While they are rude, at the same time, if this is jsut what they've always done and no one has said "no" to them, they really might not quite realize what they were doing.

EastCoastBride · March 2012

Oh, and your mom does need to be prepared. some peopel may get pissy about it and may say "Well, if my precious little angel can't come, then I'm not coming either", your mom needs to simply say "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. If you change your mind, let me know!".

mamatotwins0812 · March 2012

ChristyML:

Also, if you say to everyone that everyone has been told to not bring children, how are your DH's family going to look? They're going to look rude and selfish (that they couldn't find a sitter or since they couldn't find a sitter, decided not to come, which is what you are supposed to do). I would also just say that to everyone regardless of what they say to you first.

I hope this helps.

This does help. Unfortunately we cant get a seperate room bc its in a restaurant but I think this is a polite (and proactive) way of responding to the guests that do ask to let them know of our wishes.

Thanks ladies!

mamatotwins0812 · March 2012

Eastcoastbride- you're exactly right. Thanks for everyone's help!

Nicolewinsbingo · March 2012

mamatotwins0812:
ChristyML:

Also, if you say to everyone that everyone has been told to not bring children, how are your DH's family going to look? They're going to look rude and selfish (that they couldn't find a sitter or since they couldn't find a sitter, decided not to come, which is what you are supposed to do). I would also just say that to everyone regardless of what they say to you first.

I hope this helps.

This does help. Unfortunately we cant get a seperate room bc its in a restaurant but I think this is a polite (and proactive) way of responding to the guests that do ask to let them know of our wishes.

Thanks ladies!

Just wanted to reiterate that point. Telling people who actually ask whether they can bring a child, "sorry, no children are on the guest list" or otherwise letting them know that no children are expected in attendance, you and your hostess will not look rude if people show up with kids...those parents will look rude. As a guest, I would just think "wow, guess that lady didn't care to find a sitter."

jessican08 · March 2012

mamatotwins0812:
ChristyML:

Also, if you say to everyone that everyone has been told to not bring children, how are your DH's family going to look? They're going to look rude and selfish (that they couldn't find a sitter or since they couldn't find a sitter, decided not to come, which is what you are supposed to do). I would also just say that to everyone regardless of what they say to you first.

I hope this helps.

This does help. Unfortunately we cant get a seperate room bc its in a restaurant but I think this is a polite (and proactive) way of responding to the guests that do ask to let them know of our wishes.

Thanks ladies!

If the shower is at a restaurant, even more reason to be as strict as you need to with the number of attendees. It's one thing to invite 20 people and reserve a table for that many and maybe they could squeeze an extra chair or two if one or two people bring a child, but the way you're making DH's family out to be, there may well be 10+ extra attendees and that's usually not doable when they show up unexpected at a restaurant.

In this case I would have no issues putting a note on the invite saying that due to limited seating at the venue, it's an adults only event.

Children at shower

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