When did you do fundraiser and/or baby shower? — The Bump

When did you do fundraiser and/or baby shower?

When did you have a baby shower?  or not at all?  I can't decide when I want to do one because I don't want to wait until right before placement and then have the adoption fail.  I hate to get people all excited and then disappoint them.  But I don't want to do one now either since we won't know what gender we're having.  I'd like to wait until after placement but then I will have already bought a lot of stuff.  Another reason I'd like to wait until after placement is because I hate being the center of attention and if I do it after placement everyone can meet our baby and the baby will be the center of attention. 

I'd also like to do a low key fundraiser at our church and can't decide when to do that for the same reasons.  I'd like to wait until after the baby is here so that it can be more like a celebration than a charity event and again everyone can meet our baby.  All of our fees are due at placement but we can get a loan from my parents and pay them back after the fundraiser.  So when we have the money isn't so important. Please share what you all have done.  

Started TTC January 2007 4 failed IUIs, 2 failed IVFs
2012 - Adopted Child #1
2014- Adopted Child #2

2015 - Fostering Child #3

Check out my infertility turned adoption blog: Discovering Joy In The Storm

Re: When did you do fundraiser and/or baby shower?

  • We didn't fundraise, but if we had I would have preferred to do it beforehand.  Just a preference.

    My family planned a shower for us after our dd's birthmom signed her TPR.  She signed in October and the shower was the first week of November.  I asked my work friends to wait until then as well.

    I felt better waiting.  It was fun having dd at both showers - everyone loved meeting her!

    <a target="_blank" title="http://wendy-steve-andg3.blogspot.com/" href="http://wendy-steve-andg3.blogspot.com/">Our Adoption Blog</a>
  • We did everything try similarly to Art Teacher. We didn't do any fundraising. Yes, adoption was expensive, but to be honest, we had the money and just didn't feel right asking friends and family to help. Especially because of the tax credit, where we would get most of the money back. But that's just us....

    We had a shower when LO was 1 1/2 weeks. The friend throwing it just did an evite and everyone sort of knew it would happen so the planning had already happened. We just didn't want to have a shower until TPR was signed. Yes, we did have to go out and buy some things ourselves, but we didn't think it was that big of a deal. 

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  • We didn't fundraise- we had the funds and like PP said, didn't feel right asking for money from friends and family especially when we got over 90% of it back through the tax credit and workplace reimbursement.

    We did DD's welcome shower when she was about 6 weeks old.  We ended up purchasing/buying almost everything- but to be honest, for me her shower had nothing to do with gifts- it was about introducing her to the people we loved!  She did receive gifts- but they were things she could grow into (books, clothes, toys) and personalized sentimental things.

    IMO no shower (pregnant/welcome/wedding/etc) should be about gifts and what you'll get so you don't have to buy it.  Sorry if that's rude- but IMO its tacky to expect that you won't have to "purchase everything" because people will buy it for you. 

  • We did not do a fundraiser.

    I had a shower when she was 5 weeks old. It was lovely. She did NOT attend.

    There was a friend who wanted to throw a shower for us after we were matched and I was not emotionally ready for that so I refused. I am really glad we did it the way we did and we were given gender specific and monogramed gifts which I LOVE.

    We borrowed a bassinet, crib, bouncy seat, swing, baby tub, monitor, blankets, bibs, swaddle blankets and clothes. The only purchases I made before she arrived: Car Seat, Stroller, Cloth Diapers, and all natural baby wash + lotion, and 3 outfits.

    When word got out on Facebook people started dropping all kinds of baby stuff off at our house. We still haven't HAD to buy much for her ourselves, everything we have purchased has been WANTS not NEEDS.

    June 2010-Lap
    b2b Injectable IUI #1 7/25/10 & 7/26/10 = BFP beta 14dpIUI = 133 MC 9/14 at 9 weeks
    b2b Injectable IUI #2 12/5/10 & 12/6/10 = BFN
    IVF #1 ER 3/28/11 ET 3 embryos 3/31/11= BFN
    b2b Injectable IUI#3 6/28/11 & 6/29/11 = BFN
    PAIF/SAIF Welcome :)

    Submitted Adoption Application on 6/1/2011
    Homestudy 7/19/2011
    IVF#2 CX due to Adoption Match
    We were blessed with our daughter through the gift of adoption
    IVF #2.1 ET 2 embryos 2/14/13 7 frostiesLilypie First Birthday tickers

  • I'm in the same boat as PP's. No fundraising for us, we had the money and we just finished our taxes and we are getting all but $2k back, which is WAY more than we had planned - so that's getting pocketed until we start the process again next year.

    As far as a shower, my MIL hosted a shower for us when DD was about 2 weeks old. She had it planned based on DD's due date. DD got passed around to everyone, which was so fun. My SIL even commented that it was the best baby shower she had ever been to because the baby was there.

    After 3 failed IUIs, we welcomed our daughter through adoption. She is the love of my life.


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  • JMO- 

    With a shower, either accept an invitation to have one early pre-match OR wait until after the baby arrives and is home.  I did the latter but I think early pre-match would have been fun.... letting others anticipate the wait with you and shower your baby to be with gifts up front.  I would hesitate accepting a shower for a match that hasn't happened because so much can happen (we had four failed matches and two of the four seemed like sure deals.... but they weren't).

     RE: fundraiser, we didn't do it but if I did I'd do it early and let others share your ride... that's sort of my perspective of fundraisers. If you do it, you need to be open to sharing your journey too. JMO

    image Best friends and sisters... 24 months and 16 months
  • We aren't fundraising, because we just don't feel comfortable doing so.

     As for a shower, our friends told us that they wanted to throw one, and I asked to wait until after the baby was home with us.  We have purchased necessities in gender neutral colors on our own, and we'll just have fun shopping later. :)  I did have a COMPLETE surprise shower this past weekend.  I had no clue it was happening, but some other friends surprised us with a stroller, pack n play, stroller organizer and some money to put towards adoption expenses.  We were completely blown away.

    After tttc and miscarriage, we are moving on to adoption! Home study approved and officially waiting since 2/12. Matched! Baby Boy due November 27th! Lilypie Countdown to Adoption tickers
  • We did our fundraisers when we made the decision to adopt.  I'm glad we did b/c we've been busy with them!  It is nice to have that part behind us now that we are getting busier with adoption paperwork (we are adopting internationally). 

     As far as a shower, a friend of mine wants to throw one for me and I think I will ask her to throw it after we're officially matched with our child but before he comes home. 

    TTC September 2010 thru October 2011
    SA February 2011: Normal
    RE App. October 2011 - Recc. Clomid and IUI

    Taking a break from TTC to pursue adoption

    Met our 2 year old son in Russia July 2012!
    Court trip October 2012
    Home November 24 2012!

    Back to RE Summer 2013. TTC journey continues: 

    Dx DOR, endometriosis, low sperm count 
    Clomid + IUI#1, #2 = BFN / IUI #3 = ???

    Laparoscopy scheduled December 2013

    Adding a Burden
  • We've been "fundraising" for months, in the form of selling our things, ever since we began our home study.  I also made some baked goods to sell at work.  My mom makes hot pepper jelly, and she's been selling that.  Unlike most of the PP, this adoption is stretching us REALLY thin, and we're going to be too late to get the non-refundable tax credit, so we don't have that to count on.  We also have no adoption assistance at work, so that's another whammy.  I'm planning on doing some kind of fundraiser at church, but haven't decided what yet.  

    As for the shower, we have already purchased everything we need for the first week, with the exception of formula.  My well-to-do cousins gave us a ridiculous amount of baby stuff (a Chicco stroller, 2 pack and plays, playpen, bouncy seat, toys) because they also had a lot of difficulty TTC and they sympathize.  They've been incredibly generous.  We bought the rest ourselves, as we found things on clearance, sale, or craigslist.

    My mom's planning to host a shower after the baby's here.  It'll be more like a meet and greet, but I don't mind sounding greedy when I say I expect we'll get gifts anyway.  We've registered for some non-necessity stuff like books and cd's, and the things our LO will need down the road, like a high chair.  I might ask my mom to put a request in the invite saying we'd prefer bonds for the baby in lieu of gifts, though.  Our LO is likely going to be the only child of only children, so we don't need stuff.  The grandparents will take care of that, I'm sure.  

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