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Blended Families
Going to the same church as BM and her family?
DH and I have been trying to find a church that is a good fit for us, but we've had no luck.
I remember DH talking about his old church (the one he attened when he and BM were married) and how family oriented it was and how much he liked it so I suggested we ask BM and her parents if it would be weird for us to attend the same church.
BM's mom said BM rarely goes to church anymore and that it is church...no one would be rude or anything and we are welcome to attend and they would love to see SD when we brought her.
It seemed like a good idea in general...but now that we plan on going this up-coming Sunday, I am getting nervous that it will be akward for us.
DH said it seemed like a good idea...but he doesn't know if we will be comfortable going to the same church. It is a pretty small church and everybody knows everybody. I am sure they would all be welcoming and nice...but I am not sure what to expect and I am nervous they will wonder why we decided to go to this church.
Anyway...would it be weird if we went to the same church as BM and her family? BM only goes for the holidays but her mom is an active member. She has always been nice to us and I am sure she would make us feel welcome...but is it a good idea to go?
What are your thoughts/opinions?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Going to the same church as BM and her family?
~lurker in~
My XH started attending the church I attend after he had moved out (just prior to the actual divorce). It's weird at times because he always sits a few rows behind us and comes alone. On the other hand, it's really nice because DS goes to church with me, on my weekends, and XH on his weekends. I think it's nice that DS knows we all have the same belief system and can share our church and what we learn.
~lurker out~
Hmm this is a tough one. I do think it's nice that you all have the same beliefs/faith (well, except that BM doesn't regularly attend).
I think this would be a personal thing depending on your relationship with BM. And, if the members question why you want to go to church, or are anything but welcoming, I would reconsider my choice of church.
You have a choice here... you can let being self conscious about what other people think rule your life OR you can choose not to.
If you live in 'fear' of other peoples opinions then I say forget church and go to counselling.
If you are a good person with nothing to hide then go to Church and hold your head high.
I have to admit though I can't comprehend why you would want to join a church if you think the peopel talk behind others backs and pass judgement.
First off, if the people at the church don't welcome you with open arms, go somewhere else.
IMO, it'd be weird to go to the church that DH and BM went together. I'm still really insecure about stuff like that though. So if you won't be weirded out by seeing her family every week and her occasionally, go for it! I wouldn't worry as much about the other people in the congregation as them!
DH just brought up asking BM if we can pick up the kids for church on the weekends we don't have them, because she doesn't bring them to church. I'm worried she's going to start coming with us or something. Ugh!
I wouldnt do it.
BM and I are both church goers and active in our respective churches. I would not want to be socializing with her and since that is part of my church life, it just wouldnt work..
I think if you all get along well enough, it's fine, and there may be advantages - - DH's children knowing that church is a constant in their lives, etc.
It would be wierd if you were "stalker-ish" (although I call tell you are not). Also, depending on how active you were in the church, you might start overlapping friends and BM might know more about your business.
We had a couple at our small church that went when they were married, then got divorced, then both came with their new partner. They had a really rough relationship, so it was hard for them, but they did it for the same reasons as you. They have both moved on to other churches now (b/c they moved away I think). Nobody was talking behind their back.
I have considered inviting BM to our church (b/c I know they are looking for a church), but it is very far for them, so they probably wouldn't go for it.
So I don't think its terribly weird. If thats the church you guys decide on, don't feel ashamed or anything. Its not like BM "got custody" of the church during the divorce!
I'm Athiest so some aspects of church I really don't understand but I was always under the impression that church was supposed to be a place that anyone that wants to be there would be welcomed and embraced regardless of past situations. It sounds like BM's mother is a very kind person and if she is a regular at this church it isn't a far stretch to think most of the congregation is like that as well. I wouldn't be worried about it at all. Especially if BM only attends on holidays. If you feel that anyone there isn't welcoming then I would find a new church but that would be a reflection of the congregation not necessarily that it was BM's church.
I am currently struggling with a church change and missing my old church big time, so I can understand how important it is to find a church that fits and is family friendly! I say, as long as you give BM a heads up so she is not surprised when she does attend, I would do it. I wish that my dc could go to church school with the same kids every week, and your arrangement could make that happen for your child, so that is great!
I agree with ppers that any church worth its salt would welcome you irregardless of blended family status. If this church is as great as you think, this should not be something to worry about.
I would not ask your BM if you could bring your stepchild to church during her parenting time- that is overstepping and intruding on her time IMO and I would be annoyed by that.
This
If this would be distracting to you, then I wouldn't go to the same church.