Is this mean?

august06mom · March 2012

DS was invited to a bday party via Evite. I can see that 12 out of the 17 kids in his class were invited. Five were left out. Am I the only one who thinks this is mean? Why leave out just five kids? I'm guessing the place includes 12 for the pricing level, but it seems crappy to me (and it's a mix of boys and girls, so not just one sex or the other).

jlw2505 · March 2012

I would not have ton that. Last year, for my older DD's party, we had a package that included up to 25 kids. DD wanted to invite most of the kids in her class when I asked her and I told her that since she wanted to include about 75% of the kids, we would just invite all of them. I know she was not friends with all of them but there was no way I was going to leave out only a few kids. This year, we are doing a smaller party and I'm excited. DD can invite 11 kids plus her 2 cousins and her little sister and I you never have all the kids come so it will be a perfect size and I won't feel bad that not everyone in class is not included since it will be at most half of the class and as of last time we talked about it, not all the kids were school kids on her list (or kids from her class this year I guess I should say).

KathW · March 2012

maybe the mom that did the inviting didn't have emails for all the parents and a few were paper invites?

joseysbride · March 2012

Are you sure the parents had the emails of the other 5 to send them the evite?

shouldbworkin · March 2012

Maybe they didn't have emails for them? they could have gotten a paper invite instead. I've had to do the same before. But, if that's not the case ... yah, I think it's mean.

RobinSparkles214 · March 2012

I would like to think that it was just lack of having the email address, but it could be that they were just left out for whatever reason. I don't really think it's mean per se, there are many reasons they could have chose not to invite everyone. It's not manditory to invite the entire class. I only invited the boys in DS1's preschool class to his birthday party, but I sent paper invites to their home address.

It sucks that it starts this young, but unfortunately there are going to be times when our kids aren't included/invited to everything. I think sometimes it hurts the parents feeling more than the kids feelings.

Depending on the age of the children it's likely that none of them will really even mention the party at school. That has been what the teachers in DS1's class have told me anyway.

I vote not mean.

august06mom · March 2012

Hmm ... maybe she didn't have them. I guess that's entirely possible and I'm jumping the judgey gun. But the only way she had mine was from the class email list, so I don't know.

august06mom · March 2012

Luhdashuh:
Maybe she can't afford to pay for 17 kids and let her son pick the 12 he wanted. Maybe those 5 kids have had issues with her child that you arent aware of. Maybe the mom really is mean and just felt like leaving out 5 kids. I don't really think it's anything for you to worry about, she's not asking you to be friends with her. You can do what you want when it's your kids.

Whew! I was so worried! Thanks for reassuring me that I did not need to.

Also: Welcome to the Internet. It's clear you're new here.

RobinSparkles214 · March 2012

august06mom:

Luhdashuh:
Maybe she can't afford to pay for 17 kids and let her son pick the 12 he wanted. Maybe those 5 kids have had issues with her child that you arent aware of. Maybe the mom really is mean and just felt like leaving out 5 kids. I don't really think it's anything for you to worry about, she's not asking you to be friends with her. You can do what you want when it's your kids.

Whew! I was so worried! Thanks for reassuring me that I did not need to.

Also: Welcome to the Internet. It's clear you're new here.

LOL, she was very serious Stick out tongue

EastCoastBride · March 2012

RobinSparkles214:

It sucks that it starts this young, but unfortunately there are going to be times when our kids aren't included/invited to everything. I think sometimes it hurts the parents feeling more than the kids feelings.

Depending on the age of the children it's likely that none of them will really even mention the party at school. That has been what the teachers in DS1's class have told me anyway.

I vote not mean.

This.

mommy510 · March 2012

I don't think it's mean. Honestly, the mom is the one planning the party and just because someone happens to be in her child's class does not mean that she is obligated to invite them. Of course it would be nice to include everyone, but life isn't perfect and I'm sure there was a legitimate reason.

I personally would only invite the kids whose parents i was acquainted with simply because I would never allow my children to go to a party if I had never met the parents. Worst case, she may have just not thought about the possibility of kids feeling left out.

august06mom · March 2012

mommy510:

I don't think it's mean. Honestly, the mom is the one planning the party and just because someone happens to be in her child's class does not mean that she is obligated to invite them. Of course it would be nice to include everyone, but life isn't perfect and I'm sure there was a legitimate reason.

I personally would only invite the kids whose parents i was acquainted with simply because I would never allow my children to go to a party if I had never met the parents. Worst case, she may have just not thought about the possibility of kids feeling left out.

This is interesting to me. I can understand not wanting to drop your child off at a party where you didn't know the parents, but you wouldn't even let them attend if parents were welcome to stay? I didn't know any of the parents in DS's class until this year -- I've met them all mostly through bday parties.

justEK · March 2012

I would hope it's not mean. My daughter's party is coming up and I asked her who she wanted to invite. She's in kindergarten this year so she's inviting most of her preschool friends and only a few from Kindergarten (boys and girls). The fact is, not all the kids really click so why invite someone who doesn't really play with her or is mean to her? I don't understand inviting the whole class.

lollitots · March 2012

Ok, I am about the only one who thinks this is mean if she didn't invite them. I am guessing it is for the almost y.o.????? At this age they will talk about the party and the few who didn't get invited will know. If half the class didn't get invited that would be one thing, but exclude just a few is sad. I hope she did send paper invites to the other kids.

cnybride2be · March 2012

Right now I invite the whole class. It's what I like to do. I would feel like a turd inviting 12 and leaving out 5. Seriously, when you invite the whole class, they rarely (ok never, here) all show up (in my exp. and in my friends exp. that do the same thing).

If I were keeping it real small and inviting only 5 of the closest friends I'd still feel turdy but less so. (I imagine this is the way it will go in the future as they form friendships of common interests).

chelle828 · March 2012

KathW:
maybe the mom that did the inviting didn't have emails for all the parents and a few were paper invites?

That's what I was thinking...

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