Does DH want a baby as badly as you do?

delino · March 2012

Just wondering. Does he crave fatherhood, or does he question fatherhood? Does he express his concerns and fears or is he think it's going to be all puppies and rainbows?

smcjmk09 · March 2012

While I know he doesnt have the physical push of a clock ticking, emotionally he is absolutely as excited as me. To be honest I think before the loss he was excited enough but it was still me doing the initiating and the leading. After our loss I see a big shift in him. Losing our LO definitely solidified his desire to become a daddy. He's more interested in my cycles now and is totally 110% on board. And while I hate that it took a loss to get him to that place, it feels so good to know his desire is right up there with mine now.

Elle jM · March 2012

Absolutely. All he has ever wanted is to be a dad. The loss was obviously devastating to both of us, but I actually think I am handling it better then he is. He gets very emotional over it (not that I don't), and will have nothing to do with really good friends of ours who just had a baby. For some reason he feels like we're running out of time. I'll be 31 next month, and he's almost 32... we have plenty of time!

GatorBaby2012 · March 2012

DH wants to be a dad, and will be such a wonderful dad. However, he doesn't mourn the same way I do. He's more patient too.

mijakach · March 2012

Last summer, when I mentioned throwing caution to the wind, he was fine with that. He didn't really want to start "trying" for another year. But since he knew that things don't always happen when you want them to, he was fine with letting things happen naturally if they did. Surprisingly, I got pregnant that very first cycle. He was scared, but at the same time very excited.

After we lost that baby, he knew how much I wanted to be a mom because for a few weeks, I really thought I would be bringing a baby home in May 2012. So after that, he agreed that we could actually start "trying." I wouldn't say he wants a baby as badly as I do. But after our first loss, I think it made him want a baby sooner than he originally wanted.

aliciaf111 · March 2012

yes! I thought he was whatever about it but then after our loss I think that taste made him really want one. For his bday last week, I surprised him with a gift and when I was asking if there was anything he wanted instead - he replied "just to start a family". So...yeah.

lau1021 · March 2012

Yes, DH is right up there with me! I find it sort of cute and sad at the same time. He is really looking forward to fatherhood & I love seeing him interact with the LO's in our family. It is sort of sad for me in a way because I feel like I can't give that to him right now. As much as I want to, its out of my hands. He does have his fears, we have talked and he has stressed that if we ended up with another m/c he doesn't think he can handle it as well as he did the first one. He said he needed to be strong for me which he 100% was, but when he would be alone he would have his moments. Which made me feel bad because I wanted to comfort him too. I do hope to see him play the daddy role one day.

KaylaL08 · March 2012

My DH already has an almost 3 year old. DH has been his caretaker since he was 8 months and we have full custody of him. So, he already knows what fatherhood is like. He wants a baby just as badly as I do. I also think he is less patient than me and has added pressure of wanting a child "with" me, if that makes any sense.

panacea05 · March 2012

DH didn't realize how badly he needs to be a father until our first loss. Now, he's as determined as I am to get our take-home baby.

We went to the store to buy his mom a birthday card over the weekend. He loves comics and stuff, so a card with a superhero caught his eye. I saw him pick it up and start crying immediately. I grabbed it from him. It was a kid's card, and it said, "Daddy, you'll always be my hero!" or something like that. Cue sobbing.

We're a couple of sad sacks.

Mrs Carbo · March 2012

Honestly, if there is any silver lining in this garbage dump of a situation it is that DH realized how much he wants to be a dad. We actually had a long discussion about this last night. DH told me for the first time that he will feel truly disappointed if we don't get our BFP this cycle. I was floored. For once I was the one consoling him. I knew the MC solidified his want to be a father, but he has never expressed how emotionally invested he is in the TTC process. He is not all P&R about it, and knows that another MC is possible. He also knows that we could have trouble TTC. But, he really really wants to be a dad.

mrsgaines100 · March 2012

D, thats a good question. DH is a pretty confident and faithful man, there is not many things he is fearful about. He has more often been saying "when the kid is here" this and that. We are on the same page when it comes to being parents though. He told his mom when he was growing up that all he wants is a family.

Allycat11 · March 2012

GatorBaby2012:
DH wants to be a dad, and will be such a wonderful dad. However, he doesn't mourn the same way I do. He's more patient too.

All of this. DH was SO excited to announce our BFP and that really surprised me. He also enjoys looking forward to having a baby one day, talking about things we will do for our baby and how we plan to raise our children. When I miscarried, I could tell it hurt him but I don't think he shed a single tear. I nag him more than I should that I hate how badly this hurts me when he appears to be doing fine. Right after the m/c he was ready to start trying again where as I was not sure I was ready.

DH is completely puppies and rainbows all the time, which sometimes helps, but more often than not it just frustrates me.

ecmleo · March 2012

My H is just as consumed as I am with having a family. We both want a big family and this has been a struggle for both of us. It wasn't until recently that I found out that has actually been confiding in his father about how hard this has been.

chrisleath · March 2012

Well DH kinda sucks at expressing his emotions, but I know he really wants to have a baby. I think if he wasn't sure how badly he wanted a baby before, he realizes it now after the m/c. He knows it is going to be tough work and is scared that he wont be a great dad, but I know he will be and just try to reassure him. Another reason I think he really wants a baby is because he is more than happy to try anything I want to get pg (no matter how crazy it may sound)

minicheezburg · March 2012

DH really wants to be a dad, however he is so very supportive of everything. When I said I think I need a break he agreed. When I asked why he didn't say something sooner he simply said he wanted me to come to this decision on my own. He has been amazing through everything even the Hulk like mood swings from the Clomid.

shellyco · March 2012

DH wants a family just as badly as I do, but he doesnt want a baby right now as badly as I do, per se. When I complain about TTC he always tells me to relax because he knows we will have kids one day and it's ok If it doesn't happen as quickly as we want it to.

On the other hand, then he turns around and grills me about why I haven't had a positive OPK yet...

He is not excited to not be able to sleep in.

paisleybaby33 · March 2012

He wants a baby as badly as I do. At first (a year ago when we started trying) he didn't want to "rush" things, but now that we've found out about my difficulties and especially since we lost our LO, he wants it NOW. The day of the D&C he was talking about "what next." he has always wanted to be a father, one of the reasons I fell in love with him. In terms of being parents though, he absolutely thinks its going to be all p&r and has no real reference point. We were at a friends house and they had their LO in a high chair. He turns to me and says, "What do you need that high chair for. You should just hold your kid or have them sit in a regular chair." oh boy..... He's in for some rude awakenings when this happens!!

delino · March 2012

I think for us it's different. He was great when it came to TTC by DTD=Make a baby. He was totally into it and would talk about when we have a baby. Now that we're doing IVF, we're both really on overload. It's such a process and so stressful. If I showed you the package I got from my RE this morning, you would cry.

panacea05 · March 2012

delino:
I think for us it's different. He was great when it came to TTC by DTD=Make a baby. He was totally into it and would talk about when we have a baby. Now that we're doing IVF, we're both really on overload. It's such a process and so stressful. If I showed you the package I got from my RE this morning, you would cry.

Millions of ((hugs)) for you and Mr. Delino.

mrsgaines100 · March 2012

delino:
I think for us it's different. He was great when it came to TTC by DTD=Make a baby. He was totally into it and would talk about when we have a baby. Now that we're doing IVF, we're both really on overload. It's such a process and so stressful. If I showed you the package I got from my RE this morning, you would cry.

Oh Delino. Feel free to share if you want, we are here for you!!! Love and hugs!!!

OSUJaydee · March 2012

We had to wait a long time to begin our family and now he is just as anxious as me to have another baby. He was very puppies and rainbows during this last pregnancy, even though I kept telling him that I had a feeling something was wrong and that I wouldn't be surprised to discover the baby's heart had stopped beating. Now that we've had 2 losses, he is much more cautious and I think he will be just as scared and nervous if we get pregnant again as I will be.

KGS2003 · March 2012

delino:
I think for us it's different. He was great when it came to TTC by DTD=Make a baby. He was totally into it and would talk about when we have a baby. Now that we're doing IVF, we're both really on overload. It's such a process and so stressful. If I showed you the package I got from my RE this morning, you would cry.

(((Hugs))) I'm here if you need to talk.

gina28701 · March 2012

It was hard for me to grasp our loss in the beginning and I HATED everyone saying "everything happens for a reason", BUT I must say that when we found out I was pregnant DH didn't seem excited about it like I was, AFTER this happened he tells me ALLLL the time now how he REALLY wants a baby and he didn't realize how badly he wanted one until this happened....SO I guess this experience definitely opened up both of our eyes...

ct103 · March 2012

Definitely. We threw out the birth control starting August 2010, and he was excited by VERY relaxed about it and not at all upset when AF arrived every cycle. But, when I got my BFP his excitement hit the accelerator. I almost couldn't contain him, he wanted to shout our news from the rooftop. The loss devastated him like it did me, so now he'll do anything to get that BFP again.

Last week he started doing walk/runs everyday. He said he's doing it because he wants to be in good shape to run around and play with our child. Naturally, I became a crying mess when he told me this.

KacyChicago · March 2012

delino:
I think for us it's different. He was great when it came to TTC by DTD=Make a baby. He was totally into it and would talk about when we have a baby. Now that we're doing IVF, we're both really on overload. It's such a process and so stressful. If I showed you the package I got from my RE this morning, you would cry.

I'm sorry you're having to go through all of this. My thoughts are with you both.

FreyaWin2382 · March 2012

Interesting topic!

I think that, when we very first started TTC, DH was definitely more hesitant then me....I was babies, babies, babies, and he was little unsure.

However, two losses later and he has definitely gotten on the baby train. I think that he just needed more time to become used to the idea of having a child.....for me, it was almost a physical craving (I know that probably sounds weird), but for him, it was just this idea that had to sink it.

aussiedaze · March 2012

Yes! He's so excited, I love it. He talks all the time about when we have a baby, and we just moved and he wanted to know which room would be for the nursery. I even posted about how during TTCAL cycle #1, he bought baby clothes. He just told me last week the reason he did that was because "we thought you were pregnant". Poor guy.. I feel bad dashing his hopes, but I had to tell him no we didn't. I'm not pg until you see 2 pink lines.

tetiananina · March 2012

My DH is definitely as excited as me. He reminds me of the hope when I am down. I also wish sometimes he would let himself cry over the loss of the baby. He did of course when I came home crying my eyes out when the Dr told me the baby stopped growing but I know he is trying to be strong for me. We were shopping at Costco the other day and walked past Easter Baskets and he told me he can't wait til we can make them for our kids. It melted/broke my heart. Maybe we will be blessed next Easter? I am glad he is on board to doing the deed when it's prime time. Although his new thoughts are every day and we can multiple our chances. He has even agreed to stop drinking while we TTC. : )

CFjo2010 · March 2012

My husband and I are a blended family and have 3 kiddos between us, but none together. He absolutely did not want to add another kid to the mix. But in December when we discovered I was pregnant and that it was ectopic, he said it changed everything. Now he genuinely wants a baby. At times it seems like he's just as anxious about it as I am, sometimes more.

lovelainie · March 2012

DH has been wishy-washy about TTC lately. While he does want a baby, the desire definitely isn't as strong as mine is.

He's had a really hard time talking about it since the m/c, and I think that our struggles with IF have led him to believe it might not happen for us, which makes him hesitant to get his hopes up again.

MrsLele · March 2012

panacea05:
DH didn't realize how badly he needs to be a father until our first loss. Now, he's as determined as I am to get our take-home baby.

This is us.

Mrs.DeliaMarieP · March 2012

He neither craves nor questions it at this point. If we did not already have DS, then he would crave it.

Yes, he wants another one, but he won't be nearly as heartbroken as I am if we are unable to make it happen naturally. He would be equally as happy adopting as he would be to have another of our own. In the long run, I too, would be very happy to adopt instead, but it would take me longer to get over it.

Also, he doesn't feel the need to make it happen RIGHT THIS MINUTE, and as is natural for all men, he never grieved the way I did after our losses, and is still a little of the "it will happen when the time is right" mentality.

twotexans · March 2012

MrsLele:
panacea05:
DH didn't realize how badly he needs to be a father until our first loss. Now, he's as determined as I am to get our take-home baby.

This is us.

Same here. I've had a lot harder time staying positive through our journey, especially after the loss. It's such a role reversal for us, because I am the optimistic one usually. We had a long road to be able to TTC, and I constantly worry that I will have another flare-up and it will never happen.

Spruce14 · March 2012

DH wants a baby so badly. He's actually the one that pushed to start trying and I'm so glad he did. When we got married I said I wanted to wait at least 2-5 years and enjoy our time together. We had an amazing almost 2 years when DH started bugging me about stopping the pill. I've always wanted to be a mom but i was nervous about taking this step.

When I stopped the pill in October I was not planning on trying, just letting it happen. Then one day I was watching my nephew and he fell asleep on my chest...melted my heart and that's the moment that I knew i was ready to throw the fear out the window. From then on it became a full on obsession.

When we got our BFP i've never seen DH cry so many happy tears. For those two weeks he was a different person. He wasn't stressing about work which he always does, he was just so happy. Then this happened and crushed us both. After a week of us both crying, he has stopped...he's handling it better than i am at this point. He's also really eager to try again as am I ... just a little terrified. I can't take this heartbreak again.

GraceInCA · March 2012

While he would be really excited for another one, he honestly doesn't care if it never happens. For years we thought we were the "One and Done" type parents. He has said that if we only have the one, he's perfectly content.

KittyKatMom · March 2012

Nope. DH is perfectly content with one. But he knows how badly I want a second, so he agreed because he knows how important it is to me. I am an only child and really want a sibling for DS for various reasons (although being an only isn't so bad).

foxxy1 · March 2012

Actually he craves fatherhood. I don't think he realized how badly he wanted to be a father until Ethan was born and when Ethan arrived, it was all DH thought about. I'm glad we're on the same page.

peloquinJ · March 2012

Yes, he was ready before me and he is just as excited if not more so to have a child.

vanessa lynne · March 2012

Mikey wants another baby just as bad as I do. He struggles with losing Aidan just as much as I. He is absolutely petrified of the future and doesn't show as much hope as I. He's more of a "believe it when I see it" guy...nowadays. KWIM? I remind him everyday that even though Aidan is not here with us right now..he will always be his Daddy.

buckeyebaby814 · March 2012

MH wanted to start TTC when we married and I was the one who was hesitant to start right away. He wants kids now. I agreed to start when we married and his desire hasn't changed at all. The only difference between us now is that I basically shut down when it comes to baby talk and he's still planning out our kids lives. I love that he wants children but it breaks my heart at the same time because I don't know if that will ever happen.

newly_naugler · March 2012

Dh has baby fever bad too. I don't think he worries about another mc as much as I do, but it's on his mind.

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