Only able to take 3 weeks maternity leave...help!

PLS2010 · March 2012

DH and I have had a very difficult year. He is currently unemployed (has a job teaching once a week currently which he will not be able to return to in the fall) so I am our main source of income. Due to this at the very most I could probably take of 3 weeks (my work offers the standard 12 weeks unpaid and our company has no STD). My employer knows I plan on coming back but I have not committed to how much time I will need.

1) Is 3 weeks possible? Has anyone done this? If DH is working part time or has just been hired on full time MIL has graciously offered to help watch baby (we would only do this until 8-12 weeks when baby has built up hopefully enough immunities to go to daycare). Another option we are considering is possibly going back part time at 3 weeks until baby is 8 weeks if DH is working at the time.

2) When should I tell my employer of my intentions? With DH unemployed if he does gain employment between now and when baby is born I'd like to be able to take more time. I am afraid by talking to them now I'd be committed to what I say. I also don't want to be vague with them. We know 3 weeks may not be possible but I don't know if my employer will accept 3-8 weeks as a timeline. Is that too vague?

3) Is 23 weeks too soon to commit to leave plans? I had hoped to delay the talk until at least 30 weeks because that will put us closer to end of the school year when DH may have some more teaching possibilities. This may allow us to be more firm with our plans. Do you think I can wait until May to talk with them if we are due in July if I tell them this reasoning? Is this rude of me?

Torani · March 2012

I think that would be too short. You are early enough in your pregnancy that you may not know if you will have a difficult third trimester. My first time I started my leave two weeks before my due date because I was so miserable with swelling. DS was a week late. If I was on your time table, I would have been back at work within days of giving birth. Instead, I had another two months, but could have done with less. However, this time I am feeling great and plan on working as long as I can. It's probably too soon to tell for you. Also, if you pay into your state's disability fund, you can claim diability while you are out and get at least some income. Have you talked with your employer at all about this or other mothers at your work?

Valerie120408 · March 2012

1) Yes, 3 weeks is possible but I wouldn't do it if I could help it in any way. I have heard of several ladies on this board who've had minimal leave but this would have been extremely difficult for me to do. I know every state is different but I would look into what your state may offer in regard to STD. Also, the common disability period if 6 - 8 weeks and some doctors are ok with 4 weeks but I'm not sure how your provider would feel about 3 weeks. In my state, I can't come back to work unless the doctor states that I'm fit to go back. Fwiw, I was physically ready to go back to work after the first week (I can sit all day at work) but emotionally, I would have needed at least 6 I think and I took more.

2) I think stating 3-8 weeks is fine for now. Just let them know that it would depend on how things go / how you feel but let them know that you plan to be gone for about 3-8 weeks. If they need a more concrete answer, I would say that you plan to be away for 8 weeks - I would think going back earlier may be easier than requesting additional time.

2) I think it is early. I did mention to my boss what my plans were early on but that was more as a heads up and to help with project planning. Once I was around 34 weeks or so, I let them know how long I planned to be gone after the baby is born. At my company, they request a 30 day notice if possible.

Good luck to your DH getting a job!

snicksnack · March 2012

Are they planning to hire a temp? If not, I would tell them the max you want to take even if you think you can't afford it. When I was pregnant with DD I was worried I may want to come back early because I would be board (ha ha did not happen) HR told me as long as I was released from my doctor coming back early would not be an issue but trying to extend leave would be a pain the a since it would require a lot of paperwork, we use a centralized service center and it would not be my main HR person working with me. My coworker came back part-time working from home for the end of her leave. Since you don't know what your situation will be, and you doc. may not even release you at three weeks I would see if there is any chance you can come back early if you choose to do so but plan for full leave.

VMRRN23 · March 2012

1. There is no way my OB would have let me go back then. In MA, I'm pretty sure we have to stay out 6 weeks for vaginal and 8 weeks for CS. I could not imagine going back at 3 weeks.

2. Don't tell them anything now. By law (in MA), they need to hold your job for a minimum of the 6 or 8 weeks and I think it might even be up to 12 weeks d/t the FMLA. I was certain I was going back PT at 24 hours (I'm an RN) and told my boss because nothing would have changed that, but she legally couldn't even take that until after I came back from mat leave (I took 14 weeks). You do not want to put yourself in an uncomfortable position.

3. Again, do not tell them anything. 23 weeks is way too soon. You have no idea if you will end up on bedrest, get pre-ecclampsia, have a complicated CS, etc. You will probably be just fine, but you get my point. It is not rude of you at all.

Maybe you should look and see what the laws are in your state. Think about the best case senario, that your DH gets a job, you have a great vaginal delivery and love being home with your LO. You are going to want that 6 weeks (minimum) home with your baby.

Kalye · March 2012

Ive had the some question posted also and while some ladies said it was possible others thought I was crazy for it. While my DH does work I am the main source of income. My advice is to save while you can. I hear its hard but if you are able to go back early as long as the doctor clears you. Good luck!!

SweetBaby2004 · March 2012

With DD#1, I went back at 4 weeks for financial reasons - new job (so no FMLA and minimal vacation time), DH was/is a SAHD so our income went down, and the mortgage company wouldn't let us close on our new house while I was out on leave and our temporary housing was not working out.

It was HARD. I had a normal vaginal delivery and felt fine physically but emotionally it was tough. I was sleep deprived for the first few weeks I was back at work and I worried about DD#1 constantly even though she was in great hands with DH. It got better obviously and we didn't have any other choice; you do what you have to do.

I wouldn't commit to anything yet at work; you don't know what complications you might have, how you will deliver, and what might happen with your DH's job, etc.

Good luck!

stephnews · March 2012

After giving birth to DS, I couldn't even sit without pain for 5 weeks and I had a fairly uneventful vaginal birth. I probably could have gone back at 6-8 weeks, but I'm SO glad I took the full 12 weeks. My main reason being I was getting only 3-4 hours of sleep each night (and not all at one time). I couldn't function on that little sleep and do an OK job at work.

I would tell them you're taking the full 12 weeks, and then see if you feel like returning early, then you could. (at least where I work) But it's very difficult to extend the leave after you give them a timeframe.

MammaBear81 · March 2012

I've done it (twice) so it it possible, but as PP mentioned, try you best to get at least 6 weeks if you can. It was really hard, but I was in the same position you are now, I had to work. I think you are early enough that you can give a "range" but include the longest time you would be out, even if it's not financially possible right now. It's usually easier to come back earlier than ask for more time if your DH becomes employed and you want to stay home longer. GL

zarapipe · March 2012

I couldn't have done it, but everything is possible. If you need your income during this time, I would do back part time. I think going half days (four hours) would be easier that 2 full days, if your commute is good.

karleegirl · March 2012

There is a girl on my bmb that is a nanny to an infant and toddler. She went back part time after 2 weeks. She has said its hard but she's making it. ( she takes her lo with her to work).

katiewhompus · March 2012

It depends on your recovery and your infants health after birth. I was not able to even go up the stairs in my house for 4 weeks, much less go to work. Peeing was also a process for 5 weeks (pee, peri bottle, pat dry, dermo spray, tucks) so working would have been hard.

Is there a work from home option to buy you a few more weeks?

LeahCK · March 2012

You do not have to give your commitment at 23 weeks at all. You can give it to them 30 days prior. Also, STD may be part of your insurance. It might also be offered by the state. I would call both.

cwm11985 · March 2012

I can only take 3 weeks, too..and that sucks big time. I am due July 12 and school starts August 13. I've been told by our central office that I will be available to work the first week of school, woohoo. However, I am planning on taking 3 weeks of my sick leave after the first week or two of school, assuming it gets approved.

Christine&Mario · March 2012

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this - (((hugs)))

I know it's been done, but I think three weeks is a stretch. Aside from being a walking zombie, if you have a c-section you might still be in considerable pain three weeks out, and depending on your physician you might not even be cleared to drive by that time. I'm not sure what you do for a living, but is there any possible way you can start out working from home?

My DD's third week consisted of being awake literally all night, three trips to the pediatrician, changing my pad every hour from all the bleeding, and struggling with breastfeeding. If I had gone to work, there is no way I would have been able to stay awake or be productive.

If you must must talk to your boss about your plans already, I would keep them as open-ended as possible and give yourself more time than you think you will end up taking. While you are still pregnant, I would try to get every penny into the bank that you can.

GL!

mben1119 · March 2012

I had an unscheduled c-section, and at 2 weeks PP my incision opened, so I was worthless. Add on top of that a baby that eats every hour, engorgement and leaking, and general exhaustion, and I was in no shape for work at 3 weeks.

MrsBalletStar05 · March 2012

I only took 4 weeks last time and was easily cleared by my dr. (work required a dr. release). I was fine physically, but I know others aren't. I had a friend who went back after 2 weeks 3 different times. It's possible for some people, but no one knows if it is possible for you specifically. For the record, both my friend and I had very physically demanding jobs and are in pretty good shape.

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