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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
RayRay007
member
Who decides re. grandparent names?
RayRay007
member
Fair warning, this is long and silly.
I'm in the camp that the grandparents can decide what they want to be called by their grandchildren. In fact, I was surprised that ILs wanted to be called just grandma and grandpa and nothing special or 'ethnic' (is that the right word? ykwim, like the german, or ukranian, etc. names for grandparents).
So grandma and grandpa it is. But then MIL signs DD's xmas card "gramma and grandpa". DH actually comments to her that that's a stupid spelling of grandma. I don't like it either, but I would never say something. I think that the names should match, like if you spell it gramma you should spell the other grampa. Or grandma and grandpa.
Months later I asked DH what I should put on DD's bday party invitation since it seems like his mom wants to spell it gramma. He insists on "grandma".
Then we get the birthday card from them and it it spelled "gramma". (and grandpa).
I think DH is going to dig his heels in about spelling it grandma. I, on the other hand think that if she wants to spell it that way she can (even though I don't like it for some reason), but she should at least spell grandpa as grampa to match.
Are we being stupid?
bfp#4 3/19/2014 edd 12/1/2014 please let this be the one!
beta @ 5w0d = 12,026! u/s 4/22/14 @ 8w1d it's twins!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Who decides re. grandparent names?
Short answer- Yes.
Long answer- Who cares? I had a two sets of Grandma and Grandpa, spelled that way. My LOs have a grandma and poppy (ILs), and a grandma and grandpa (my parents). If one of them spelled it gramma, I would probably side eye, but certainly not say anything. I think your hubs is a little strange for caring.
Yes, I think it is silly to get annoyed over it. Maybe she likes Gramma and thinks it's cuter than Grandma or something.
Is your LO the first one? She might end up giving them her own names. My cousin used to call his grandparents Ninny and PeePee. My own grandfather became Bompie because my sister couldn't say Grandpa. She'll probably even say "Gramma" before she can actually say "Grandma"
I think that I would let them be whatever they want to be called and let them spell it how they want to spell it.
I will say that our dd's grandma, my MIL, wants dd to call her Mom-Mom C(Her name.) It drives me crazy because her own mother (dd's great-grandma) always goes by Grandma E(her name). I think she picked Mom-Mom because that's what her other grandchildren call their other grandmother and I think she wanted it to all be the same. It's just kind of strange to me.
She was also trying to insist that we call her mom - DD's great-grandma - by her last name. Um, no...she always signs cards Grandma E or Great Grandma E, and we're not going to start calling her some other name.
Names shouldn't have to be so difficult!
Edited to add: DD has given my parents their own names. Instead of grandma and grandpa, it's Bonna and Reba or Reba and Beeba, depending on the day! We have NO idea where those names came from!!
I could care less of what my kids call their grandparents or how anyone wants to spell it.
Right now my daughter calls my mom either maaaama or am ma- Thats fine with everyone.
I called my one grandma Dee. I have no idea why but I guess in my mind as a kid I couldn't have two grandmas so I had a Dee. (Her name was Alice)
I agree with you. Your LO will call her grandparents by whatever name she can say, I dont know that parents get a choice in the matter. And really, making a big deal out of it is being really petty. Let your parents and his parents enjoy being grandparents, including their special name for and from their granddaughter. Unless the relationship is detrimental to the child's emotional or physical health (including diet) or safety, parents should stop interfering with their kids relationships with grandparents. Remember, how you respond to interactions between your kids and your parents will determine how your child responds to their eventual kids relationship with you. If you are all control freaky now, your kid may wind up that way and pull the same crap on you.
ETA: Personal anecdote time: My dads mom is mammajii, and moms mom is mummyjii. Traditional Urdu names would have been nanima and dadima or sumshits.
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All the grandkids call my dad "Poop"....which originated from my mom calling him "an old poop" in front of my oldest niece when she was younger who then started calling him that. He is fine with it, the kids are fine with it. It might sound funny to others or look funny when written, but who cares, it's their term of endearment for him.
So my answer is, you get no say.
This is so not a hill worth dying on.
If she wants to spell it gramma let her. It's really not a big deal and like others have said your LO could well end up calling them something different anyway.
Yeah. this is a really silly thing to care about. She can sign her cards however she wants.
I called my grandmother "maw-maw", and she signed her cards "granny". I guess my toddler self missed the memo on what I was supposed to call her, but "maw-maw" is what stuck.
Anyways - my point is, it so doesn't matter. let it go.
Yes I know it's silly and I would never say something (except, if she wants to spell it gramma then I would covertly start spelling it grampa hoping she got the hint
). I think DH is getting hung up on it though. You're totally right, she might end up calling them something entirely different.
bfp#4 3/19/2014 edd 12/1/2014 please let this be the one!
beta @ 5w0d = 12,026! u/s 4/22/14 @ 8w1d it's twins!
Yeah, I would just let them go with it, and spell it how they want to spell it. NBD. My LO has a Grama and a Grandad. lol
P.S. Your LO is SOOOO cute!!
Yes. They will call them whatever they call them. My mom always said grandma to my oldest niece. When niece started talking, she called my mom momo. 11 years later all the grandkids that can talk call her momo.
As long as they aren't asking your DD to call them mom and dad, it shouldn't matter. Especially the spelling.
I wouldn't say anything about how she signs the cards. Is the articulation in pronunciation different? I say them both basically the same. DH's grandmother signs her cards Grand ma. I think she just never got the memo that it is actually one word...hahahah
I will say that my FIL drives me nuts that he has taken to calling himself Papa. He knew before we had kids that our kids would call my dad Papa because that is what all of my siblings kids already call him. I could have cared less what he decided on, but it bugs me that he chose the one name that was already spoken for. My niece called my dad papa when she was really little and it stuck. It would be a lot less confusing for everyone if he just went by Grandpa or something else. DS was my Inlaws first grandchild and I am annoyed that he would sort of adopt papa for himself even after I mentioned early on that my dad went by Papa. I let it go and just make sure to call him Grandpa to my kids and whenever we are around them. My older DS has already made the distinction and corrected FIL for referring to himself as Papa. I smiled inside:) I know part of it has to do with my SIL deciding that her kids (born at the same time as ours) would call him Papa. Inlaws do whatever she says and she is a tyrant. I'm sure she only chose it to annoy us. That is how she is.
This!
That is hilarious. I love names like that. I have a friend who called her Grandfather "Drip"
Yes, I think this is "stupid" as you put it. I think it is up to the kid to decide.
This has never been something we have discussed with any of the grands (pa, ma, step, etc). I just call them grandma or grandpa unless there is more than one around at the time, then I add their first name. Once DD has decided what she will call them, I will then refer to them as such.
She isn't the first grandkid on either side and I have never paid attention to how the grands sign their names.
Yep, you're being stupid. You really have no say.
Ultimately, the kid is going to call them whatever they want. You or they can try to sway the kid, but well, kids are opinionated and stubborn. They might not like the other names.
I used to call my great-grandma "Nanny" (she was a young great-grandma... only 73 when she died, when I was 15). It never dawned on me that that was odd. One day I was talking about her and H asked me how we had enough money for a nanny when we were on welfare and food stamps. Fail. I had to explain that Nanny=great-grandma, not hired care-giver.
H used to call his grandmother Dumb-Dumb. It was his dad's mom. H's mom would refer to her MIL a dumb-dumb and he picked up on it... they had some explaning to do when he started that up.
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gramma goes with grampa... Gramma and Grandpa is "I'm the kool gma" ...she probably text messages and FB's too?
It's stupid. I'd let DH deal with his mother if it really bothers him. But really, so not a big deal.
OMG pick your battles! Does it really matter if she signs "Gramma" or "Grandma"? No it does not.
FWIW, my MIL does this same thing. I ALWAYS spell Grandma and she ALWAYS spells Gramma. I will teach my kids to spell grandma the way I spell it. I find it odd that MIL spells it phonetically vs correctly but whatever. She is an educated woman so she does know the correct way to spell Grandma but she prefers to write Gramma.
Lol, good point.
bfp#4 3/19/2014 edd 12/1/2014 please let this be the one!
beta @ 5w0d = 12,026! u/s 4/22/14 @ 8w1d it's twins!
Yes this is stupid. For what reason would it ever matter that she spells it Gramma...?
I also think it's mean of your DH to tell her it's a stupid spelling.
I think it's silly for you to be making an issue out of the spelling of the name and I think the parent is the last person to have a say on the Grandparent's name.
That said, my dad was hell bent on being Granddad. DD calls him Papa and he loves it.
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
Personally, I am not as big on the spelling of the name, but rather, the name itself.
In my case, I do not allow anyone, (my Dad or Step-Dad), to refer to themselves as Papa, as that was the name I had for my Grandfather who passed away when Kennedy was just 3 months old. Although some may see it as silly that he holds this title, even though he has passed, it is what he is referred to in our house, (by myself, and now Kennedy), and that is a sacred title that I wanted only him to have. That being said, if, when she is older, Kennedy chooses to call one of her Grandfathers the name Papa, then I will go with it, but it won't be something I encourage or introduce myself.
In your case, I think that if she is referring to herself as a name you agree with, I don't think the spelling is as much of an issue.