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Parenting
Can I ask her?
I'm throwing a shower for my sister-in-law. I had asked her mom a few weeks ago if that was okay (didn't want to step on toes) and she said that was a wonderful idea. She offered to let me have it at her house b/c she has more room. So on the invitation, I put her name, my name, and my mom's name. I've covered everything from the games, to the cake, to the decorations. The only thing left is food and two prizes for the games. Is there a nice way I can ask to see if she wants to help? Split the cost of food? Ask her to do a fruit and veggie tray? I don't want to ask her to do too much, but I also need a little help with cost. Thank you!!
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Re: Can I ask her?
The way you've written your post, it doesn't sound like there is a possibility of asking your SIL's mom to make a financial contribution to the shower. From what you've written, it sounds like the mom offered exactly what she intended t contribute. She offered the use of her home, which includes cleaning before and after the shower, so that really is generous on her part. The only exception to this would be if she has changed the guest list because the party is at her house. If she decided that having the party in her home means she gets to invite 10 of her neighbors, then I think it's fine to ask her to defray the cost. However, if there has been no material change to the guest list, then I think you need to plan a party that is within your budget. That might mean only one game with a prize, or serving cake and punch instead of appetizers.
If you are really unclear on what exactly she was offering to help with, I would ask her exactly that question. I would give her the opportunity to spell out what she intends to provide, and it may simply be the location. I wouldn't ask her to provide food or contribute financially until she specifically tells you that was a part of her offer.
no!
You can't go "Hey can I throw a shower for your daughter?" and then follow it up with "Care to throw in $25 for a veggie plate?". Really now. wtf.
I personally would never just make an assumption that she would offer if she wants to help. You have taken the lead to organize this so I would call her (or send an email, if sending an email - send to both of the mother's) and make it more of this is where things stand with the shower type of email and list food as a To Do and then mention your ideas and ask for input. If you want to order everything in, mention that you are thinking of ordering food from XYZ and ask if either are able to help with paying for the food or if you would rather it be home made, ask if either mom would be able to help out with the food by making a dish and then list the type of foods that are needed.
The reason I would not just assum is that my SIL did this with me and made a wrong assumption and I was left out of hosting when I really would have wanted to be part of it. My SIl that was the guest of honor had mentioned to me in the past that she didn't want a shower or anything. My other SIL then sent me a text a few months later asking if xyz date would work for me. That was it - never asked if I wanted to be part of it or anything. Had she said something along the lines of, I am going to host a shower, looking at this date, would you be interested in being part of this in any way, I would have made it clear what I wanted to do and what I was able to do.