How do you keep from getting ahead of yourself?

kpowers982 · March 2012

I'm having a hard time right now. I'm a planner by nature, and this whole state of not knowing when/if/what is going to happen with TTC is driving me cuckoo banana crackers. I feel discouraged that I have to wait to a while to TTC, in my mind it took "forever" to get the first BFP (even though 7 months isn't long), and it just feels like it's never going to happen and I may never get to have a baby. I'm afraid due to my health issues, my OB will discourage me from trying to get pregnant again. Thing is, no one has told me any of this! I've decided all this in my mind based on my own worst fears. How do you keep yourselves in the here and now, and not worry about the big picture that you ultimately have no control over? I keep trying to not think about it but it's always in the back of my head.

MrsLele · March 2012

I'm sure it will always be on your mind, but you need a new project to take some of the focus off of TTC/TTA. You've mentioned your OB would like you to lose weight before TTC, have you looked into an exercise/diet program? In the past when I've focused on health and fitness, it's been a huge focus and helps to distract from other things. Maybe treat yourself to some new running shoes, download a kick butt playlist, and go for a nice long walk! Sign up for a fun class at a nearby gym. Find some healthy new recipes to try, etc. Pinterest is great for ideas, if you're not already a member I can send you an invite. Good luck!!!

kpowers982 · March 2012

Thanks

I'm obsessed with Pinterest! It's amazing how you can lose track of time on that site. And the exercise plan is a great idea, I've been thinking about it but I need to put it into action! I was so good about it before my BFP but since I was on pelvic rest from pretty much day 1 I really got out of the habit. I need my butt kicked!

Mrs.DeliaMarieP · March 2012

I don't. I go nuts for a while, then rein myself back in and swear I won't do it to myself again. Right now I'm in that process. I've backed off a bit and am just trying to live. I tend to do well right after AF and right after O, but the days just prior to O and AF I drive myself crazy.

I really am going to try to stop myself this cycle, though. I'm kind-of just trying to tell myself that it will happen when it will happen, and that the first two BFP's I only had sex 2 or 3 times each of those cycles, not every day or EOD, planned in writing, and it still happened. It is still in the back of my head, but I'm trying to keep it there, in the back, most of the time.

As I described it to my DH, I just want to live my life. Lately I feel like my life has been going on without me, and that's not healthy for me, my DH, or DS.

funny bunny · March 2012

I can't seem to keep myself from getting ahead of myself (also a planner..).

Pinterest can work wonders for a wondering mind - use it!

bananers · March 2012

I am the queen of getting ahead of myself, but I also agree that distraction can do wonders. As for the weight loss thing, have you thought about signing up for some classes? I am terrible with motivation, so I have a hard time getting myself to the gym, but if I sign up for a class and prepay for it, I'm more likely to go. GL!

ETA: typo

GatorBaby2012 · March 2012

Three months ago, I could have written this exact post myself. I've had my BSC moments on this board, fearing for the worst, trying to anticipate what could go wrong, when I really had nothing to indicate that I couldn't get pg again. I had 4 active TTCAL cycles after my 1st loss, the first two were neurotic, the third was a "break" cycle where I distracted myself with the holidays and travel plans, then the fourth was almost unbearable but it is when I learned how to chart and also started investigating options for treatment. Then, lo and behold, I got pg that cycle. However, a week later I found out it was a c/p. My outlook has completely changed since then. Maybe I'm not so paranoid because I know I can get pg. I'm in the midst of tests so I'm TTA for the time being, which is helping my sanity as well. I'm sure once I get the green light, if I don't get pg within a cycle or two, I'll be right back to where I was.

My advice is to just hang in there, to be proactive with your doctors because having definite concrete answers is better than wondering "what if?", and to not get discouraged if you have some BSC moments.

ErinE683 · March 2012

I agree focusing on losing weight might be a good distraction. It will keep you busy and focused on something else... and could end up helping with TTC in the future. I'm focusing on side projects related to TTC, too... redoing our bathroom, looking for a new couch, and doing other things to improve our home. These things are nice to do either way, but are really things I want to do pre-baby. It's impossible to not think about the future, and to make yourself a little crazy wondering when things will happen. But at least focusing on other projects that you CAN do now will help take your mind off future baby planning. It's hard!

mrsgaines100 · March 2012

If anyone has it figured out, let me know. The only thing I can say is I felt FORCED to after being told to tta again. At that point, I just took a break from it all. So I dont feel like the time I could let go, it was by choice.

lau1021 · March 2012

I know how you are feeling, one second you are in full baby mode and the next you do not know what to do with yourself. I found over the past few months that I needed to re-focus myself into other projects. Which I did! It has helped so much! I re-decorated my bathroom, I am currently re-decorating my bedroom, I am determined to read the hunger games and a few other books and just made some extra time for myself! Getting pg, preparing for baby are always floating in my mind and that will never stop, but I just push those thoughts asides because dwelling on it all too much is very hard! I wish you lots of luck! (((hugs)))

csspencer · March 2012

Like the pp said, if anyone has truely figured out how to not ghet ahead of myself, please let me know. I spent this whole cycle (AF is about to show), planning how things would be if I got pregnant. Seriously, I was already planning how Christmas would be with a newborn. This weekend has been incredibly hard, I've been incredibly disappointed with my BFN, and today my temp drop.

I need to figure out how to stop planning, because obviously whatever I've been doing to stop hasn't been working...and as much ice cream as I've eaten surely can't be healthy.

juttek30 · March 2012

csspencer:
Like the pp said, if anyone has truly figured out how to not get ahead of myself, please let me know. I spent this whole cycle (AF is about to show), planning how things would be if I got pregnant. Seriously, I was already planning how Christmas would be with a newborn. This weekend has been incredibly hard, I've been incredibly disappointed with my BFN, and today my temp drop.

I need to figure out how to stop planning, because obviously whatever I've been doing to stop hasn't been working...and as much ice cream as I've eaten surely can't be healthy.

Yep, this was me too, and my AF showed up this morning. Blah.

I think that turning your focus on any new health related goal is a good idea. As much as it's related to TTC, you can take the focus off of that and just turn your attention to eating better, getting some sort of exercise daily, maybe meditating/yoga, anything to reduce stress. I'm hoping I can take my own advice here on out, but totally agree that it is very difficult.

shellyco · March 2012

Like everyone else, TTC and the what-ifs pretty much consume me. I guess I'm still searching myself for something that will fulfill me in the here and now. I just wish I could bury myself in my Independent Study. If it spent as much time on my Independent Study as I do thinking about TTC and the future, I'd havea kick-ass nearly completed project!

dtowngirl · March 2012

I'm also a planner by nature. The only thing that I've learned from this whole experience is that you can't plan everything.

I know that some days it's hard to stay positive, but I think it's essential in the big picture. I personally keep myself sane by going on with my life as I would have gone on with it before the loss. Of course, it's on my mind every day and I will NEVER forget it, but I realize that pausing my entire life will not help.

I think it'll always be in the back of our heads until we're successful. Just try not to let it interfere with everything else in your life or completely take over.

4legsRbest · March 2012

As corny as it sounds, time really does make a lot of these things better. I don't think it is possible to stop those types of thoughts but there may be better ways to deal with them. I agree with PPs as far as having and outlet. you seem like you are a pretty creative person - I think you should welcome some constructive chaos into your life and learn to enjoy it!

I really hope you don't let your OB discourage you - I would go see a specialist/ reproductive doctor before I let an OB tell me what was up.

Steph_NJ · March 2012

I know exactly what you're talking about and am struggling with the same thing. I joined a gym and a book club, started knitting for a charity, am going to church more, and am working on moving (we're in a bidding war for a house right now), but all I can think about is TTC.

JellyTwoPointO · March 2012

One month at a time. Sometimes, one phase of a cycle at a time. That's really all you can do. Try to keep your life full with other things going on that bring you joy and meaning like hobbies, friends, family, work, volunteering, etc....

MandaJo9 · March 2012

It's so hard not to constantly worry about the future and potential problems that could be the cause to all of your pain.

I've picked up a couple of new, healthy hobbies since I've realized I have no control in this awful situation. In addition, I've also made more time to do things that make me feel good - shopping, trips to the salon, date nights with my husband. Finally, one bumpie gave me some really good advice last week. She said to stop looking for problems. So, even though it's hard, I really try to focus what we know about our current situation and find peace in the fact that we'll be seeing a specialist - he'll know a heck of a lot more than Dr. Google and my crazy mind.

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