Guess you should REALLY agree on # of kids

mel72 · March 2012

Because evidently DH "I want two" and me "I want 2 or 3" does not really equal "Mel72 will have 3 children." Thank you DH for ultimately deciding my fertility. At least he threw the sperm bank option out there.

Marriage Storm

BeccaLandes · March 2012

that is really, really difficult. i would be extremely disappointed and upset in your place.

my husband and i also disagree- i want 1 more and he doesn't. fortunately he hasn't taken drastic measures to ensure he gets his way, and i'm not doing anything to cause an "accident."

i'm sorry!

AvaLikeLava · March 2012

It is a really hard place to be in, but sadly this is one of those situations where the lowest common denominator wins. Sorry!

RoxBride · March 2012

AvaLikeLava:

It is a really hard place to be in, but sadly this is one of those situations where the lowest common denominator wins. Sorry!

I agree. While it has to be hard, I think the best thing in a situation like this is to leave it at 2 - every child deserves a chance to be wanted by both parents.

mel72 · March 2012

I disagree, there are no winners.

ardilla · March 2012

I would love at least one more, but DH says no way. It surfaces in conversation at least once a week, not that DH is backing down!

sixres · March 2012

We just had the conversation tonight...again. I *think* I want 3 and he knows he wants 2. I said I don't feel complete. He says he does. When we first started talking about kids, 3 was good. I was excited about that. Since having kids, it's changed.

I'm sorry.

tnkrbl21 · March 2012

mel72:
I disagree, there are no winners.

I agree 100%. I hope that you and your DH can come to some kind of understanding where you can both be happy. I know for me I can't say with 100% certainty that I'm done and I know DH is. I hope that whatever we decided, we can both be happy - but that just doesn't seem possible in this Kind of situation.

krissyh21 · March 2012

We agreed until we had to spend 30k on the first one. Now H is done with a capital D and I am left wondering what if. I can't say there is not some lingering resentment going on because of his decision, but things are getting better with time. (((hugs)))

Mouseygail · March 2012

Are you saying he got a vasectomy without consulting you!?! I'm really sorry that things are so rough right now....I have a feeling that DH and I might end up in a similar boat down the road.... ((((HUGS)))) I hope that you can both get on the same page and work this out.

itsmevkb · March 2012

I'm so sorry. It is a very tough spot because you both may feel equally strong in your feelings on the subject. I always think that whomever feels more strongly (you want another way more than he doesn't want another) should win out but no matter what there's a big risk for resentment.

I took a huge risk when I married my husband as I went in saying I wanted at least three and he was "let's have one and then see from there." When we were having so much trouble getting pregnant with our second we had some all out fights about how far we should go regarding treatments and it was a really hard time for us. Eventually, my dh came around and I hope yours does as well.

The sperm bank comment makes it seem as though he doesn't fully understand just how much you want another child. Even if he never changes his mind, I hope he becomes a little more compassionate and acknowledges how painful it is to want something and then have someone else make the decision for you.

Huge hugs.

firsttogo · March 2012

It is a tough spot. DH was 'done for now' after Linc, and the Gwen came totally by surprise. He was shocked, but got to be thrilled! I am sorry your DH is putting his foot down. I would be devastated.

emiannie · March 2012

That's such a tough spot. Hopefully eventually you guys can come to a spot where you're both comfortable. My DH was happy with only one for a while, but as time went on he agreed he wanted 2...but after this one we're completely done. I thought I wanted 3, but I feel good now in my decision to only have 2.

I really hope he didn't get a vasectomy without your knowledge. That seems a little harsh.

Mrs.Reem · March 2012

We're on the flip side completely. I am so happy with two. Everything is perfect and I don't want another. However DH really wants another try at a boy. I just keep asking what he'd do if we had another girl. That shuts him up most days.

eyenerd · March 2012

I was 3 and my DH was 2-3. After the first IVF we had DD. We had 3 blasts left, and DH was on board with using them up for another. However, he insisted that if they didn't work, we were done.

Well it didn't work. I was no way done with 1. I scheduled everything for the next IVF and figured out the way to finance everything (my own savings, no interest CC). I told DH that if he wanted this child to look like him, he needed to make a deposit. I knew that his main reason for not wanting another was that we could spend 20K and end up with nothing.

We had a little boy and he was thrilled. I have 2 frosties, however, I am not going to use them. I am happy where we are at, and it really wouldn't be fair to him **this time**.

I knew i had to try at least 1 more time or i would have always had resentment. I still sometimes wish we could have had 3, but it is NO WAY like the way I felt about wanting a second. That was almost more of a "NEED" on my part so I didn't live life with a pit in my stomach.

mel72 · March 2012

eyenerd:

I knew i had to try at least 1 more time or i would have always had resentment. I still sometimes wish we could have had 3, but it is NO WAY like the way I felt about wanting a second. That was almost more of a "NEED" on my part so I didn't live life with a pit in my stomach.

This is exactly how I feel. I am blessed beyond words and so very thankful. Thanks everyone for responding, it really helps : )

DeputiesWife · March 2012

Mrs.Reem:
We're on the flip side completely. I am so happy with two. Everything is perfect and I don't want another. However DH really wants another try at a boy. I just keep asking what he'd do if we had another girl. That shuts him up most days.

This is us and we havent had our second yet. I am totally DONE.

I have seen 2 families where the wife wanted one more and the husband did -- they both went on to have one more and the DH's arent happy, love the child just the same, but are struggling with space and finances.

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