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Natural Birth
overtonhayes
member
Some concerns
overtonhayes
member
So, I have a lot of questions/concerns.
I was thinking about going med-free in a birth centre. That was immediately ruled out because there's only one in our whole state (I know, WTH?) and it's way too far away. A hospital is my only option (I personally would not feel comfortable with a home birth), but I've heard they seriously suck when it comes to med-free births because the doctors care more for their schedule than what you want. I certainly feel like if I have a doctor telling me enough is enough and it's time to take the drugs, I'll probably listen to them, and never know whether they're really necessary or the doctor is just getting impatient. Anyone have any experience with going drug-free in a hospital?
Another concern is DH. We got into a stupid argument the other day about a pregnancy massage class. I wanted us to go so that if I'm really aching he can help me; he didn't want to do it. I pointed out that since I want to go med-free during labour, massage may be the only/the best relief I can get. His response? "Look, you're not going to be able to go drug-free. I'm not saying you can't do it or that you're weak or anything, I'm saying the pain will be too intense for the body to handle". I was just speechless and upset and left the room. I already had concerns that during labour he would be telling me "just get the epidural". Don't get me wrong, he's fantastic at supporting me when I'm in pain; but he's also one to take the "give her whatever will help her because I can't bear seeing her like this" approach. After what he said, I'm worried I won't have his complete support, and I know I can't do it without. Was anyone else's baby daddy like this? Did he come around? How? (Or, the opposite: did anyone have a completely supportive baby daddy, until labour actually started?)
Finally, and a bit of a rant...
I have no idea why women with kids feel the need to tell me their horrific birth stories, but this one was freakin' terrible. The story itself was horrifying enough, but what made it so much worse is I had JUST told the woman (we were sharing some laughs about how people become idiots when you're pregnant) how much I hate it when people tell me their horror stories, and she shared hers. WTH? The upshot of her story was this: she wanted to go natural. Pretty much immediately the doctors were urging her to have an epidural. She refused. After something ridiculous like 48 hours in labour, she started pushing. After 5 hours of pushing ("not '5 hours of labour', 5 hours of pushing"; "no no, actually pushing", she kept on and on repeating - ugh) and refusing an epidural the doctors told her they would need to do a C-section. When baby came out, it turns out he was far too big to ever fit through her pelvis. "If the doctors tell you to take the drugs," she told me, "TAKE THE DRUGS. SERIOUSLY."
What do you ladies think of that? (Oh, and since I want to know how common that is, etc, this is probably the only time where horror stories are welcome, lol).
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Some concerns
Well, you can tell your husband he's wrong. Women have birthed babies without pain meds for god-only-knows how long, and many of us (myself included) have done it recently. Your body can handle it. Your emotions might not, and that is where having support comes in.
My husband was sort of like yours. I know if he had his way, I'd have gotten the epidural when the first contraction hit. No one likes to see their loved ones in pain. But when I told my husband that this is how we're doing it, he accepted it and was a great support. He even came around to a homebirth, which we were both initially against, but came around to after doing some research.
If you don't think that he'll be supportive, hire a doula. She will support you and increase your odds of going natural- see post below about doulas for some stats.
Good luck.
Ah, you reminded me of something: there was something else he said before I walked out of the room, dumbfounded and upset. After his comment, I said "absolutely every drug they give you affects the baby. Negatively". He said, "well, look, they've been using them for years, so I'm sure it's fine". I wanted to say something along the lines of "and they haven't been doing things drug-free for years?" or "the body is designed for it", but I just couldn't even bring myself to reply.
I think that's his attitude: not only does he not want to see me in pain, but going drug-free is pointless because "they've been using these drugs for years". When the dust has cleared a little and we talk about it again, I'm going to point out that five, ten, twenty years down the line, they could discover that those drugs cause something awful. If I don't use them, we're in the clear. You think that might convince him?
To answer some of your concerns.
A lot of how your experience in a hospital setting does comes down tot he protocols of that hospital, and the attitude of the staff you are working with. So I would do some research into that, and choose my OB/midwife carefully.
My DH was very, "why wouldn't you take the drugs" then we did a general ante-natal course which outlined the risks associated with epidurals and other meds (it didn't even go into how it can cause other interventions to become necessary)...he got as far as possible paralysis and harm to the baby, and he was completely on board with no drugs.
I try and counter the horror story, I have had two fabulous birth experiences. yes it was hard work and painful, but so is climbing a mountain and plenty of people sign up for that too.
Good luck with building the support system you need.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
I don't want to add to your horror story collection, but hopefully this will make you feel better.
I pushed for 4 1/2 hours unmedicated. Labor itself was more painful than the pushing. I was so focused that there wasn't really pain, so much as there was pressure. Her head was turned funny, so in the end they used the vacuum, and I did have a shot of lidocaine for that. I am planning my second delivery and have no intentions of getting an epidural. I was never even offered one the first time, and it never crossed my mind to ask.
I delivered in a hospital, with a doctor. I would say my husband was neutral - he wouldn't have cared if I wanted the drugs, but he was willing to support my decision to do it without.
I think I was successful because:
1) I found a supportive doctor. Well, I lucked out and got one. She was a family doctor, not an OB. She asked to have pregnant patients at the group of docs because she likes delivering babies.
I talked with her about my plans, and she agreed what I wanted was doable, and then she was great at my delivery.
2) I laboured at home. I showed up at the hospital ready to push. It wasn't entirely on purpose, but it was nice timing. They couldn't affect me with their policies because I wasn't there.
3) I had a doula. She kept both of us calm and focused and helped me cope with my contractions. I doubt things would have gone as well without her.
So for you, I'd suggest all 3 of those thing. And make DH watch "The Business of Being Born".
Natural Birth Board FAQs
Cloth Diaper Review Sheet
Lots of us here have had NBs in the hospital. The search function on the bump sucks, but if you go back through a few pages, you'll probably see some posts on it. I can't remember if there are posts linked in the FAQ in tokenhoser's siggy, but I'd check there, too.
Anyway, it's okay to be freaked out by the hospital/your husband's response/the horror stories, but don't let them make you afraid. Lots of women have perfectly normal births every day. Remember, too, that interventions are bad in and of themselves-- they are tools to be used in the appropriate situations. The key is finding a care provider that you trust to support you and to use those tools only when appropriate and with your agreement.
I pushed for 4+ hours, and DS1 wouldn't come out. He ended up being a c-section, and was 8 lb, 4 oz. I am so crazy that I attempted med-free birth again with DS2, and had a successful med-free VBAC - he was 10 lb, 10 oz, so for me, it was just how my kids were lined up in my pelvis (spinningbabies.com is a great website).
As for the pain, I was so out of it I honestly don't remember most of it. I think my DH was more traumatized by the length of time I pushed. Going med-free makes all kinds of crazy hormones come out, and I really don't remember either of my labors bc of it (though I do remember the c-section part of my first son's birth!).
You have to have a decent support network (be it DH, family, doula) have some sort of plan to get through the contractions (hypnobirthing/relaxing/yoga/what have you), and have to find a decent hospital that will leave you alone.
Do you trust your current provider? I think finding the right provider is imperative to having a med-free birth, quite frankly. This is a good post about what to ask your provider: https://birthsen.tmdhosting930.com/?p=769 Local ICAN (Internation Cesarean Awareness Network) groups can help you find OB/MWs who are more hands-off, and can give you a heads up if your current provider is c-section happy.
hth and good luck!
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
I'd hire a doula if I were you.
Also, how far is the birth center? I drove 1.5 hours so I could go to mine.
Yeah, I'm not exactly sure whether she was trying to tell me "if I'd taken the drugs I would have been able to deliver vaginally" or "the doctors could clearly see that going natural wasn't going to work for me" or even just "I'm very frustrated I didn't get to do what I wanted". I might ask her about that, if I can prepare myself for another of her horror stories.
Is this what you mean by the Lamaze 6 healthy birth practices handouts? https://www.lamaze.org/ExpectantParents/HealthyBirthPractices/tabid/251/Default.aspx
Haha, yeah, definitely not an option here. Our nearest centre is actually in another state, and is still 3 hours away. The only one in our state is four hours away!
Theresat858, thank you SO much! I just got to reading the Lamaze practices while I was waiting to hear more from you or other Bumpies. I looked at the section on unnecessary interventions and read parts of it to DH. Already, he's completely on board. He's particularly freaked out by internal fetal monitoring, and when I pointed out that EFM is necessary with most interventions, and sometimes EFM doesn't work so they have to do internal monitoring instead, he started to see where I was coming from. Once I continued reading to him about how harmful all the other interventions can be, he just sort of went quiet. When I pointed out the 38 (!) studies backing up that single website's advice, he looked absolutely horrified. He's now 100% in favour of me going med-free. Thank you thank you thank you!