Did you pay for your shower at all?

monpetitechouchou01 · March 2012

Hi Ladies,

I've never had a baby shower since this is my first baby. My good friend is throwing me one and I'm incredibly grateful. I think its really sweet and I wasn't expecting one. My family and I were thinking of giving her some money at the end of the event to cover any expenses for the shower. However, my friend said that it defeats the purpose of having one thrown for you! Is this odd for us to do? Do you not pay for even a fraction of the cost? I know that there are invitations, stamps, decorations, food etc and I feel terrible having my friend upfront these costs. Its going to be a simple event at home so no location rentals or anything too out there. I also offered to help with the food preparation... However, I still feel bad not giving her money. Please fill me in on how these things work!

Also... two other good friends have offered her help with the planning. I know the main person (Lets call her Friend X) has been the one to send out the invites and respond to everyone, buy decorations etc. The other two might come in towards the end on the day of to help perhaps. I've heard of buying the hostess a gift... but I don't know how to ask her if she had any help from my other two friends so that I don't leave them without a gift too! I don't want to be tacky while asking her and I also don't want to seem ungrateful and leave people out by not getting them gifts. I was hoping to get my friend something nice that she'll enjoy (perhaps a gift certificate to a day spa) and would like to make sure I get the others the same thing as well. YET, she's so sweet that if I ask her she'll say "Yea they helped!" even if they didn't..... hmm.. Any ideas?

Mirror+Mirror · March 2012

You should absolutely pay for part of your own shower, your friend is just being silly. It's a grand tradition that etiquette says should be upheld. You should pick something specific that has meaning to you, like maybe ONLY pay for the cucumbers in the tea sandwiches because your father was a cucumber farmer.

Also, you don't need to get the hostess a gift. I know that at bridal showers you typically get the hostess a gift, but baby showers are different. Instead of a gift you should reveal and perform some sort of hidden talent of yours at the shower in honor of the hostess/es. Like you could excuse yourself to the bathroom and come back riding a unicycle!

Good luck with your shower!

couliegirl · March 2012

Mirror+Mirror:

You should absolutely pay for part of your own shower, your friend is just being silly. It's a grand tradition that etiquette says should be upheld. You should pick something specific that has meaning to you, like maybe ONLY pay for the cucumbers in the tea sandwiches because your father was a cucumber farmer.

Also, you don't need to get the hostess a gift. I know that at bridal showers you typically get the hostess a gift, but baby showers are different. Instead of a gift you should reveal and perform some sort of hidden talent of yours at the shower in honor of the hostess/es. Like you could excuse yourself to the bathroom and come back riding a unicycle!

Good luck with your shower!

This is poor and bizarre advice respectively.

OP. Do not pay for your own shower. Your host is right. She is giving the shower to you as a gift accept it graciously.

As far as hostess gifts, they truely are not required. A simple hand written thank you card is enough. You could, however, mention something to your friend that you would like to get a small token of appreciation from you to the hosts. Then ask her who helped.

MamaAllison · March 2012

Mirror is apparently having a snarky day- ignore.

You do not need to pay for any part of your shower, although it is certainly sweet of you to think about it. As a host I have received gifts or nice thank you cards after hosting the event. I think either way is fine. Maybe write nice cards for all your potential hosts and then get a present for your friend who is the main one?

KarmB · March 2012

im paying for decorations for mine and I could careless if people poo poo me. My hostess is having spinal surgery 25 days before my shower, shes been in a wheelchair and bedridden for 4 weeks now. its the least I could do.

morethancottoncandy · March 2012

couliegirl:
Mirror+Mirror:

You should absolutely pay for part of your own shower, your friend is just being silly. It's a grand tradition that etiquette says should be upheld. You should pick something specific that has meaning to you, like maybe ONLY pay for the cucumbers in the tea sandwiches because your father was a cucumber farmer.

Also, you don't need to get the hostess a gift. I know that at bridal showers you typically get the hostess a gift, but baby showers are different. Instead of a gift you should reveal and perform some sort of hidden talent of yours at the shower in honor of the hostess/es. Like you could excuse yourself to the bathroom and come back riding a unicycle!

Good luck with your shower!

This is poor and bizarre advice respectively.

OP. Do not pay for your own shower. Your host is right. She is giving the shower to you as a gift accept it graciously.

As far as hostess gifts, they truely are not required. A simple hand written thank you card is enough. You could, however, mention something to your friend that you would like to get a small token of appreciation from you to the hosts. Then ask her who helped.

Pretty sure that's an AE.

couliegirl · March 2012

morethancottoncandy:

Pretty sure that's an AE.

Oh, I only read the post not the SN. All morning I've been laughing at the thought of a pregnant lady riding a unicycle.

Christina_Diane · March 2012

No. A shower is a gift and you do not pay for anything. Otherwise, it is like you are helping to throw your own shower.

jeffsjayme · March 2012

I'm not a purist on this as many others are. I think it's totally fine to help in some small way - just as if someone was throwing you a birthday party. If you're Mrs. Wonderful Cake Baker and want to bring your own cake and your hostesses are cool with it, go for it! If you find invites that you really, really, really like and want to provide them, great. If there are other friends who have said "let me know how I can help", give the hostesses their name...maybe they can bring a side dish or something. That's a great way to help. The goal is that your help isn't substantial and as long as they don't mind.

That said, don't just hand them cash...that seems offensive to me. Don't channel money to them...be as helpful as they want you to be by having low expectations (don't expect them to shell out $1000 or anything for a party). Just return the favor if you have a chance, somewhere down the line.

kyleeduke · March 2012

Helping to pay for your own shower defeats the purpose. Getting the hostess/hostesses a small gift would be great but is not expected.

Liz4444 · March 2012

Mirror+Mirror:

You should absolutely pay for part of your own shower, your friend is just being silly. It's a grand tradition that etiquette says should be upheld. You should pick something specific that has meaning to you, like maybe ONLY pay for the cucumbers in the tea sandwiches because your father was a cucumber farmer.

Also, you don't need to get the hostess a gift. I know that at bridal showers you typically get the hostess a gift, but baby showers are different. Instead of a gift you should reveal and perform some sort of hidden talent of yours at the shower in honor of the hostess/es. Like you could excuse yourself to the bathroom and come back riding a unicycle!

Good luck with your shower!

Exactly which etiquette book are you getting this information from?

notkateanymore · March 2012

Mirror+Mirror:
You should absolutely pay for part of your own shower, your friend is just being silly. It's a grand tradition that etiquette says should be upheld. You should pick something specific that has meaning to you, like maybe ONLY pay for the cucumbers in the tea sandwiches because your father was a cucumber farmer.
Also, you don't need to get the hostess a gift. I know that at bridal showers you typically get the hostess a gift, but baby showers are different. Instead of a gift you should reveal and perform some sort of hidden talent of yours at the shower in honor of the hostess/es. Like you could excuse yourself to the bathroom and come back riding a unicycle!
Good luck with your shower!

LMAO

OP, I have never heard of anybody paying for part of their shower. It's a gift from your friends. My rule is to buy anybody who is listed on the invite or helped with the shower a hostess gift. Have fun and enjoy the day.

Mirror+Mirror · March 2012

Liz4444:
Mirror+Mirror:

You should absolutely pay for part of your own shower, your friend is just being silly. It's a grand tradition that etiquette says should be upheld. You should pick something specific that has meaning to you, like maybe ONLY pay for the cucumbers in the tea sandwiches because your father was a cucumber farmer.

Also, you don't need to get the hostess a gift. I know that at bridal showers you typically get the hostess a gift, but baby showers are different. Instead of a gift you should reveal and perform some sort of hidden talent of yours at the shower in honor of the hostess/es. Like you could excuse yourself to the bathroom and come back riding a unicycle!

Good luck with your shower!

Exactly which etiquette book are you getting this information from?

You probably haven't heard of it. It's a little known Emily Post book regarding the underground etiquette movement. It's called "Welcoming the New Baby: Hipster Edition."

On another note, OP, I think that if you wanted to go all out you could spring for a personal sauna for all 3 of your hostesses!

Liz4444 · March 2012

Mirror+Mirror:
Liz4444:
Mirror+Mirror:

You should absolutely pay for part of your own shower, your friend is just being silly. It's a grand tradition that etiquette says should be upheld. You should pick something specific that has meaning to you, like maybe ONLY pay for the cucumbers in the tea sandwiches because your father was a cucumber farmer.

Also, you don't need to get the hostess a gift. I know that at bridal showers you typically get the hostess a gift, but baby showers are different. Instead of a gift you should reveal and perform some sort of hidden talent of yours at the shower in honor of the hostess/es. Like you could excuse yourself to the bathroom and come back riding a unicycle!

Good luck with your shower!

Exactly which etiquette book are you getting this information from?

You probably haven't heard of it. It's a little known Emily Post book regarding the underground etiquette movement. It's called "Welcoming the New Baby: Hipster Edition."

On another note, OP, I think that if you wanted to go all out you could spring for a personal sauna for all 3 of your hostesses!

You're right, I've never heard of it, that's because it doesn't exist anywhere but in your deluded mind.

Are you having fun stalking me?

Mirror+Mirror · March 2012

Liz4444:
Mirror+Mirror:
Liz4444:
Mirror+Mirror:

You should absolutely pay for part of your own shower, your friend is just being silly. It's a grand tradition that etiquette says should be upheld. You should pick something specific that has meaning to you, like maybe ONLY pay for the cucumbers in the tea sandwiches because your father was a cucumber farmer.

Also, you don't need to get the hostess a gift. I know that at bridal showers you typically get the hostess a gift, but baby showers are different. Instead of a gift you should reveal and perform some sort of hidden talent of yours at the shower in honor of the hostess/es. Like you could excuse yourself to the bathroom and come back riding a unicycle!

Good luck with your shower!

Exactly which etiquette book are you getting this information from?

You probably haven't heard of it. It's a little known Emily Post book regarding the underground etiquette movement. It's called "Welcoming the New Baby: Hipster Edition."

On another note, OP, I think that if you wanted to go all out you could spring for a personal sauna for all 3 of your hostesses!

You're right, I've never heard of it, that's because it doesn't exist anywhere but in your deluded mind.

Are you having fun stalking me?

Not really, I found it too quickly.

Liz4444 · March 2012

Mirror+Mirror:
Liz4444:
Mirror+Mirror:
Liz4444:
Mirror+Mirror:

You should absolutely pay for part of your own shower, your friend is just being silly. It's a grand tradition that etiquette says should be upheld. You should pick something specific that has meaning to you, like maybe ONLY pay for the cucumbers in the tea sandwiches because your father was a cucumber farmer.

Also, you don't need to get the hostess a gift. I know that at bridal showers you typically get the hostess a gift, but baby showers are different. Instead of a gift you should reveal and perform some sort of hidden talent of yours at the shower in honor of the hostess/es. Like you could excuse yourself to the bathroom and come back riding a unicycle!

Good luck with your shower!

Exactly which etiquette book are you getting this information from?

You probably haven't heard of it. It's a little known Emily Post book regarding the underground etiquette movement. It's called "Welcoming the New Baby: Hipster Edition."

On another note, OP, I think that if you wanted to go all out you could spring for a personal sauna for all 3 of your hostesses!

You're right, I've never heard of it, that's because it doesn't exist anywhere but in your deluded mind.

Are you having fun stalking me?

Not really, I found it too quickly.

Sorry to bore you...

Mirror+Mirror · March 2012

Liz4444:
Mirror+Mirror:
Liz4444:
Mirror+Mirror:
Liz4444:
Mirror+Mirror:

You should absolutely pay for part of your own shower, your friend is just being silly. It's a grand tradition that etiquette says should be upheld. You should pick something specific that has meaning to you, like maybe ONLY pay for the cucumbers in the tea sandwiches because your father was a cucumber farmer.

Also, you don't need to get the hostess a gift. I know that at bridal showers you typically get the hostess a gift, but baby showers are different. Instead of a gift you should reveal and perform some sort of hidden talent of yours at the shower in honor of the hostess/es. Like you could excuse yourself to the bathroom and come back riding a unicycle!

Good luck with your shower!

Exactly which etiquette book are you getting this information from?

You probably haven't heard of it. It's a little known Emily Post book regarding the underground etiquette movement. It's called "Welcoming the New Baby: Hipster Edition."

On another note, OP, I think that if you wanted to go all out you could spring for a personal sauna for all 3 of your hostesses!

You're right, I've never heard of it, that's because it doesn't exist anywhere but in your deluded mind.

Are you having fun stalking me?

Not really, I found it too quickly.

Sorry to bore you...

Really, though, wouldn't that make a rad hostess gift?

Heather2256 · March 2012

The only thing I've done related to my shower is provide the guest list & addresses, tell the hostess (my 15-year-old niece) an idea for a game & pick out the invites & the decorations (that matched the invites). The only reason why I picked those out is because I absolutely loved them. But then my mom & sisters were getting on me about how I shouldn't have anything to do with it so I stopped......but they still ask me about stuff! Lol!!

Liz4444 · March 2012

Mirror+Mirror:
Liz4444:
Mirror+Mirror:
Liz4444:
Mirror+Mirror:
Liz4444:
Mirror+Mirror:

You should absolutely pay for part of your own shower, your friend is just being silly. It's a grand tradition that etiquette says should be upheld. You should pick something specific that has meaning to you, like maybe ONLY pay for the cucumbers in the tea sandwiches because your father was a cucumber farmer.

Also, you don't need to get the hostess a gift. I know that at bridal showers you typically get the hostess a gift, but baby showers are different. Instead of a gift you should reveal and perform some sort of hidden talent of yours at the shower in honor of the hostess/es. Like you could excuse yourself to the bathroom and come back riding a unicycle!

Good luck with your shower!

Exactly which etiquette book are you getting this information from?

You probably haven't heard of it. It's a little known Emily Post book regarding the underground etiquette movement. It's called "Welcoming the New Baby: Hipster Edition."

On another note, OP, I think that if you wanted to go all out you could spring for a personal sauna for all 3 of your hostesses!

You're right, I've never heard of it, that's because it doesn't exist anywhere but in your deluded mind.

Are you having fun stalking me?

Not really, I found it too quickly.

Sorry to bore you...

Really, though, wouldn't that make a rad hostess gift?

I think it would, it's very relaxing.

monpetitechouchou01 · March 2012

Thanks ladies! Your advice was greatly appreciated. I think I took Mirror Mirror's "advice" very lightly

No pregnant unicycle riding for me.

FridleyMom12 · March 2012

My soon to be sister-in-law is throwing my shower. My shower is in April and her wedding is in June. She really wanted to throw the shower, but I feel bad that she's spending time/money on it when she is planning a wedding too! This is her first time hosting one, so she has been including me and asking my opinion on just about everything and I'm going to go shopping with her for the decorations this week. It kills me to not pay for anything, but I know a shower is a gift so I'm just going to pay her back by getting a really nice gift for her.

I do have a piggy-back question on this though (not to steal your post): My soon to be SIL had her best friend help her with the invitations because she hand-made them with a special craft machine. I know her friend casually (we've met about 5-6 times), but we are really more of just acquaintances... do I invite her to the shower? I think it would be a nice gesture, but at the same time I don't want her to feel like I'm just inviting her to get a gift.

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Did you pay for your shower at all?

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