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Blended Families
kjbc2003
member
Would it be completely awful if....
kjbc2003
member
SD did not come to my uncle's house this summer when we plan on going??? Background we have my SD EOW and 2 weeks on 2 weeks off in the summer. My DH and I were thinking about visiting my aunt and uncle who live in virginia, as i have not been able to see them in several year and we are saving up to take my SD and DD to disneyworld next year. I only am asking this bc we live in michigan and in order for our SD to come with us out of state we have to have permission from BM. BM in the past put up a fit when we tried to take her to ohio last summer for my family reunion. She flat out refused to let her come and said if we did take her she would call the police and claim that DH was kidnapping her. (I dont think it would of worked but didnt feel that SD needed to see or hear any of the drama.) BM does not like any family function that involves myself or my family, and will frequently make comments about my family in front of SD. So im asking would it be horrible if we did not take SD if we go visit my uncle??
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Re: Would it be completely awful if....
I'm in MI as well, and I can tell you that parental kidnapping is only when the NCP is intentionally trying to withhold the child from the CP for a period of 24 hours or more. BM would be hard-pressed to prove this when you're going on a family vacation -- your DH isn't trying to 'steal' your SD.
ETA: Is it in your CO that you need to have her permission to travel OOS?
firstly, is it in your CO that you need written permission when traveling OOS?
if yes, then it might be trickier, but you could atleast approach BM and ask. if she flips a nutty and doesn't let SD go, thats on her, not you guys
if its NOT in the CO then make sure you have in writing which weeks you will be having SD for summer vacation (even though it alternates I would atleast send BM an E-mail just to "clarify" that the weeks of 123-456 you have SD for summer break. that way if she DOES try to call the cops, you have the proof that it is your visitation time.
I can see where it seems easier to just do it during the time you don't have her, but I would ATLEAST try. if BM doesn't allow it, you can explain THAT to SD.
would there be things for SD to do while on the trip? age appropriate places to visit and other cousins/ relatives to play with?
I agree that you should at least try. Plan your trip during the 2 weeks you have SD. Maybe just inform BM of your plans after you have SD with you (I know this is sneaky, but sometimes you have to be).
If it doesn't work out then BM has to tell SD why she couldn't go.
Make your plans to visit your family and try to make it work.
Put something in writing stating you are planning to take her out of the state from X-X period of time. CC is to FOC and send it to the BM certified so she has to sign for it. If she has a problem with it then teh responsibility falls onto her to file a motion to prevent it from happening. It's especially easy if you are in Oakland, Livingston, or Macomb County.
I think it would be lame not to include your step child in the vacation plans.
It would be a mistake to not try and bring her. But this is not a situation entirely within your control, so if you try and fail, I don't think you should cancel your trip.
I agree, though I think it also depends on how close your SD is with your side of the family. Would she be upset if you went without her?
Unless it states in the custody arrangement that neither party may leave the state with the child without the expressed permission of the other parent, then it is fine for you and your husband to take her out of state for a trip during your visitation time. If it is joint custody that means that while your husband has visitation he gets to call the shots on what you guys do for entertainment, including vacations.
If she tried to approach an attorney about this they would laugh in her face. I can't believe she would seriously begrudge her daughter the opportunity to travel with her father for a family vacation. She sounds ridiculous.
This. If SD is close to the people you are visiting it is different but assuming that she barely knows them or does not know them at all she will likely be uncomfortable anyway, they are your family and that does not automatically make them her family. Assuming BM needs to give permission for her to leave the state then I would skip it b/c it is not worth the hassle for something that does not actually affect her, if you were going to Disney without her and did not want to hassle to ask that would be a different story. I actually would suggest not asking BM so that you only have one out of state request instead of fighting and having her say no to Disney.
I agree w/this.