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Baby Showers
overtonhayes
member
Registry help
overtonhayes
member
in Baby Showers
Since my friends/shower guests are all broke college students, I really want to make it clear that I am not in any way 'expecting' gifts, and that I of all people understand not having money to go around. I wanted to make my shower a no-gifts shower and not even register, but the host (also a broke college student) pointed out that people want to give me gifts, and I really should register.
Anyway. I don't want to be too blunt for risk of offending people. I've decided the most tactful way to make it clear I really don't need anyone spending money on me is to register for a 'free' gift. The registry site I'm using allows you to register for 'offline' gifts. Traditionally how this works is you would put a description of the item, e.g. "this beautiful bracelet I saw in an antique store" (and picture if you have one), and list the price. The guests would then, using paypal or something similar, donate the money to a fund and you would get the gift yourself. What I want to do is use this offline registering to register for advice as a 'gift' for baby, and set the price to be $0.00, or $0.01 if it won't let me register for something free. I would then make the title of the gift something like "please read this first".
I was thinking of having the gift description as a poem, to tactfully say "look, guys, I know money is an issue, I seriously would appreciate this as much as a paid-for gift". This is what I have so far:
If pennies are hard to find,
Or you simply wouldn't mind
Doing a little something more,
Here's a gift you won't find in stores.
Help us make a book for baby
On how to be a gentleman, or lady;
Give us some of your best advice,
Just keep it clean, and keep it nice!
Maybe you have a tale to tell
Of how to speak in public well;
Maybe you would like to share
How to make college... not a nightmare;
Maybe you just love to cook.
And want baby to have a recipe book.
Whatever advice you have for baby,
Write it up - decorate it, maybe -
Sign your name, and help bring joy
For years to come to our girl or boy.
Grateful though we are for every penny spent,
We truly appreciate every good thought sent.
What do you think? If you were a guest looking at that registry, would you get the message that we seriously would appreciate this as much as a paid-for gift? Do you think the nod to college is alright? I want it to say "college students, I'm looking at you" but in a tactful way.
Edit: I also need some ideas on what to put for 'quantity'. It will only let you put in a number, so I can't put in 'unlimited' or a * or anything like that. I was thinking I would just put in however many guests I invite, but I want this to be something people do because they want to do it. I don't want it to look like I'm saying everyone has to. What do you think?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Registry help
Emily 8.8.08
Madeline 1.2.11
William 8.5.12
I agree with this. Don't have a shower if you don't want gifts.
If you have a shower there is no reason you have to register. Most people I know don't register and I think it's only more recently people started doing that. People will then spend what they feel comfortable spending and without you knowing how much it was.
If you absolutely need to register I would just register for many small things you need rather than go through the hassle of using the site you mentioned. Go to a baby store or one that has a good baby department and register for things that you want and need in less exensive price ranges.
I don't really understand what it is?? But, if you don't want people to bring gifts and your host is a broke college student .. then why not just have a nice dinner out with the people that would have come to the shower? Because even though you don't want people spending money on you, your host will be spending money on the people that you want at the shower. Or like pp said, have a bbq or a nice luncheon somewhere??
Also, you're going to get gifts no matter what. That's why people come to a shower - to shower the MTB with gifts.
If these people are really that broke and cannot afford to get a gift, I'm sure they would just decline the invite and wait until maybe baby is born to save up for a little something to bring to you?
I get what you are going for here and I understand the whole not-wanting-to-register thing and understanding that your friends are broke, but seriously this is just overly complicated and weird.
If you want people to give you advice, just ask for it. If you could come up with a shorter poem that doesn't mention "If you're too broke to buy us a gift," you could even put that on the invite.
Go, register, and register for a whole bunch of small things like sippy cups, bibs, bottles, pacifiers with cute sayings, diaper rash cream, boogie wipes, sunblock, bath soaps and lotions, the regular stand by gift card etc. Have a large variety of items and keep it to things that you will need.
A registry is a guideline or ideas of what you need. People will purchase what they can afford.
I think you are very sweet for not wanting to embarrass or put pressure on your guests. I have a lot of friends who are in college and some of my friends' younger siblings in HS, so I understand where you are coming from, but I'm sure your friends can afford a $3 onesie at the mall on sale. I know it can feel uncomfortable asking kids who are in college to spend money on your baby, but I mean if they can afford a cup at a frat party they can afford a small gift.
((Plus, they will definitely find it money well spent if you chose to put up even a mobile upload of your babe wearing the onesie they gave you--or the paci or hairbow.))
Hope you enjoy your shower or BBQ/luncheon/get together if you decide to go that way!
Good luck!! (And it's YOUR shower, do it how YOU want and ENJOY it!!)
I agree with the PPs about having a shower if you don't want gifts. A shower is a gift giving event.
I will say that some of the most useful things are really inexpensive. Brush and comb sets, teeny nail clippers, swaddling blankets, onesies, socks, pacifiers, bottles, burp cloths, bibs, sheets, creams, shampoos, etc. You can always do a separate registry of the big ticket items and keep it private so you get the completion coupon!
I've heard the "why are you having a shower if you don't want gifts" question a lot, and without wanting to sound snarky, I don't understand it. Yes, I get that a shower is about 'showering' the MTB with gifts (or, traditionally, knowledge). But it's also a fun baby-themed party, with games and story-swapping and all the people you love coming together to celebrate your baby. That's what I like about it, and you don't get that if you just go out to lunch with your friends or have a barbecue.
(Also, if you do go out somewhere instead of having a gift-free shower, then your guests suddenly have to pay for a lunch. To me the idea of having a gift-free shower is to get everyone you love together without them having to spend money)
Again, not wanting to sound snarky, but I've posted about having broke friends before and I don't think people really understand. If I were to register for only big-ticket items (which I obviously won't!), then my broke college friends will look at that and think "she knows I can't afford that much, she'll understand me not getting her a gift". But registering for the smaller items kind of throws that out the window. I am not in any way expecting gifts and I can understand if my friends can't even spare $10 for a set of onsies, but I don't think they'd see it that way. Where I'm having trouble is that my host has told me I really should register for gifts because she knows people want to give them. But I feel like if I make the shower no-gifts, a lot of the guests will secretly breathe a sigh of relief. I figured that registering for a free gift was a good compromise.
Advice? Thoughts?
I am not very traditional. I kind of think the same way about showers--they are about celebrating the baby, but I know that it traditionally is about showering the MTB with gifts. In the end, you know your friends. You should do what your friends and family are comfortable with. As for the poem, I think it's cute, but a bit confusing. I would just make sure it is clear that "your presence is more than enough of a present to us!" Upon guest inquiry about the registry, make sure the host tells them where you are registered but also includes that you just want it to be about spending time together/a sweet note of advice etc.
I don't think that the free registry items is a good idea, though. It seems confusing, and it almost feels like you are limiting your guests to just the ideas you thought of. I would feel like you are putting pressure on me to do those specific things if I came to your shower, and that just isn't everyone's cup of tea or strong suit.
As a side note, I would think that if your friends are close enough to you, they could either A) talk to you about not having money to bring a gift or
know you well enough to know you aren't pressuring them to spend money they don't have.
Again, Good luck!
Well first of all, I actually missed a lot of the responses because I checked the thread on my phone and some didn't show up, so my bad.
But no, I'm not trying to re-word things so you all will 'justify' anything. Just trying to make sure I've made myself clear,
Honestly, you have confused the h*ll out of me. Listen, a shower is a gift giving event - that's what it is, that's what it's meant to be. You're saying that the host is ALSO a BROKE COLLEGE STUDENT, soooo it's OK for her to shell out the cash to host an event for everyone else to come who will WITHOUT A DOUBT bring a gift - but it's not OK to register for a $3 pack of pacifiers?? I just don't get it, at all? And what stories will your broke college friends be swapping at this event?? If someone doesn't have cash, they aren't going to come - that's just it! Because whether you register or not, people WILL BRING A GIFT then the ones that are sitting there whom you told not to buy anything because they're broke will feel like idiots. There's no need for you to register for big ticket items, you can get them yourself as you obviously have to since no one else can. But there are plenty of inexpensive very useful items that a person can buy and or chip in together and buy something bigger. You've made this into something a lot bigger than it's supposed to be. It's a shower - register or not - but the whole poem and "sorry your broke" (without directly saying it) is just useless. People will bring you things or they will just not come. Because if money is such a huge issue, it costs money to drive to get to places - so either way, people are spending money.
And why can't you play games or story swap at a bbq?? Or at a "meet the baby party" after LO has arrived. That confuses me as well. If you're not expecting gifts, as you have said, then do not call this event a shower because that's what a shower entails .. gifts.
I would still shy aware from the free registry thing because it is just really confusing. Maybe one day it will be all the craze, but for now I think you are going to leave people scratching their heads. I do think, however, that not registering at all is a totally valid option, even if your host tries to talk you into it. People love to peer-pressure others to register, but I promise you are not a jerk if you don't!! Then your friends can give you whatever they want or nothing at all.
And finally, no matter how broke you are, you can afford $10 for a set of onesies for the birth of your close friend's baby!! I was a "broke college student" once too and I was still able to order pizza, go to the bar, etc. A lot of homeless people can make ten bucks an hour pan-handling.
You aren't coming off as snarky. Just not very bright. A shower is a gift giving event. If you don't want gifts, don't have a shower. There, I just solved your problem. You're welcome.
You're over thinking this whole thing. If you don't want gifts, don't have a shower. If you want a shower, don't tell people "Listen, I know you're broke, you can write down stuff to teach my kid instead of buying me what I really want/need".
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
So don't follow it?
I think your poem is cute! If I received that I would still go buy a gift however small and maybe a book which I would write some 'words of wisdom' in. Cute idea!
I say do whatever feels right to you!