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Parenting
How to deal with child's attitude?
I am at the end of my rope with ds. Ds has always been such a well behaved, sweet child. We have always been clear about rules in our family and he followed. One warning was all it took. I rarely had to give out a punishment and he has only sat in time out a few times since he was a toddler. He still is a well behaved child, but since starting school his attitude has become terrible. He rolls his eyes at me, talks in an "attitude" tone of voice and always tried to have the last word. He fights me on everything. I do not like this and will not tolerate it. I was raised to respect my parents and speak to them appropriately. I speak to him calmly and in a kind voice...I expect the same in return. Only no matter how much I have spoken to him about this is doesn't get thru to him.
A lot of the time it comes down to me having a big discussion with him and him feeling bad, crying. But then the next day we are back to the same thing. I know this is all typical, school aged kid behavior...I used to roll my eyes at my mom. I want to change it before it becomes worse. We have tried a chart and told him he could earn allowance at the end of the week (chart includes using nice words, respect, good listening, along with easy things like brushing teeth). He isn't interested in doing this.
Any other ideas of what to do for behavior like this?
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Re: How to deal with child's attitude?
You could try a couple of things. Maybe just ignore it. If you tell him to do something and he gives you a hard time, just focus on him following your instructions and ignore the attitude. So if you tell him to clean his toys and he huffs and puffs, just make sure he cleans his toys and don't let him get a rise out of you based on his behavior. He may just be experimenting with that kind of expression and give it a chance to go away on its own.
You could also skip the reward chart and have a punishment chart. I usually go for positive reinforcement, but sometimes it isn't the best method. So what you would do is give him three strikes in a day, and on the third strike he loses a treat. Maybe do a few days of probation. You explain the plan, and when he behaves disrespectfully you tell him that behavior will count as a strike. Then start keeping track and when he gives you a hard time, tell him, calmly, that's strike 1. Etc, etc.
ETA: Also make sure he's getting enough sleep. My 6 year old is always worse when she's not getting enough sleep.
We go through this sometimes with DD, who is the same age. We still do timeouts, which work for a while and then she starts up again. It is frustrating some times.
I can't but help wondering if some of it is for attention due to the pregnancy/new baby since you say it is happening even after talks. Maybe a mommy/son outing might help too.
Thanks for all the insight. Here is responses to some comments...
Letting him have his own opinions I am all for. I have told him (and dh has) that we are happy to listen to what he has to say and his opinion as long as he talks to us calmly. If he talks calmly without yelling at me and rolling his eyes then I have no problem listening to what is bothering him. When he is able to do this, I am able to say how I understand how he feels etc. But it is rare that he can do this. He automatically goes into the rude attitude. I need ways to get him to be able to express himself without the attitude and extreme emotion.
One thing I did do was give him a journal to write down anything he needs to. He liked this a lot.
Having the last word is both of our issue. He fights me and I feel like him trying to have the last word is being rude and disrespectful. Ds and I are also so much alike. We are both perfectionists and rigid. So, we butt heads a lot.
I have made sure to take time just us since the baby. He hasn't really said much about the baby taking my time and he really pays a lot of attention to the baby. Even though I think he is doing fine with the baby, I am aware that he needs special time.
Thanks for all the insight and suggestions. It is hard when you see so much of yourself in your child and it is that stuff that drives you crazy! I love him but boy does he know exactly what buttons to push!
One thing I do that helps is to give him a do-over (which I learned from someone on here!). If he asks for something or says something in a rude tone, I say, "How about you try that again using your manners?" Usually it gives him pause and "WHY CAN"T I EVER HAVE A STUPID SNACK BEFORE DINNER?" (*foot stomp*) will turn into, "Can I please have something to eat?"
He went through a recent phase where he talked like a teenage valley girl "He-llo? Why can't I DO that?" I know he was just trying it out, and it was somewhat funny to see this textbook teenage rude talk come out of a pint-size body. I told him I didn't ever want to hear that tone again, and he said he thought it was funny.
I do send him to his room when he's being unbearable and I don't want to start screaming. I give him a time on the clock when he's allowed to come out (usually 10-15 minutes) and say he'd better have his manners back.