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kmhunt11
member
DD2 due Sat.- really struggling with DD1
kmhunt11
member
It's clear why DD1 is acting out, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. She's being an absolute monster. She screams at me and talks back like the mouthiest teenager ever for no reason at all. Everything she says to me is mean and rude.
We have tried to do special things with her. We have told her over and over that will will love her even more that ever, even when Baby arrives. We tell her how special she is because she is our first baby and always will be our oldest. We tell her that we will always take care of her. We hug her and cuddle with her and tell her that of all the kids in the world she is our favorite. We started her in ballet a few weeks ago to give her something special just for her. We are being firm when she's rude or awful. We consistently and calmly take her to her room and explain that it's just not ok to treat people like that.
I am huge and tired and very crabby. I don't know what else to do. I lose my temper and yell at her (after hours of dealing with her being terrible), and then feel like the worst mommy in the world. I know this is temporary, and as I said, knowing the reason why doesn't make it any easier.
Any 2+ Momma's have any suggestions for handling this transition? Especially since i have the distinct feeling that this baby will never come, and I'll be hugely pregnant and tired for the rest of my life?
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Re: DD2 due Sat.- really struggling with DD1
My suggestion is to stop talking about the baby period. Even if you and your DH mention it, do it when she's in bed. Little ears are listening much more and interpreting things inaccurately at this point.
Don't feel bad that you're losing her cool with her. I'd be super frustrated too! You sort of have to beat her to it. For example, when she gets up in the morning and you want her to get dressed for the day tell her do this, and this and this and if I hear any bad talk or yelling, you're losing tv (or whatever gets her like a toy) for the day. And then do it!
Part of it is the baby coming and she's trying to get control of her emotions but another part of it is that she's 3 and she's working you. you should establish something now that works with her like timeouts or taking something away. it will be harder to get up and take her to time out once the baby is here so maybe taking something away might be better.
Also, I think when they get their emotions all over the place and they're trying to control something that they can't control, that it helps to demonstrate firmly who is boss and that she's not making decisions here in an effort to calm her anxiety down.
Harmon went into a rough period with the twins. It was especially b/c I got hospitalized. My best advice is to show support to your child and just realize it gets better. I think talking about the new baby is ok. It is coming. When it comes honestly it is going to be hard for the next few months. The thing learned in the process for me was first not beating yourself up. It is a difficult transition for all children and I took it personally. Visiting message boards I realized all older kids sort of go through this process. It wasn't me doing something wrong! I wished I had gived myself more slack.
The most important thing I learned also is that one on one time with Harmon was really important. Take the time you have now and just do fun things but when the new baby comes make sure you make that time. Make small dates anytime your hands are not with the new baby. Screw the household chores. These special little times gave my son what he needed to get over the difficult adjustment. Same with me. I needed that time too. It is hard being a new mom with 1+ kids and it was hard being pregnant. I loved this time to bond with my older child while I was also bonding with my younger ones.
I hope this helps. Take it easy. Moms tend to make things harder on ourselves sometimes.
Yeah, I'd quit talking about the baby as well. The way you are speaking to her is framing the new baby as a negative thing. It isn't.
My oldest was a mouthy monster between the ages of 3 and 4. Going to JK helped enormously. He needed to be knocked off his high horse in the biggest way.
If you feel bad yelling, then stop. Ignore her, put her in her room, whisper your disappointment with her behaviour to her. It is hard to quash that swelling feeling that makes one yell, but you will feel much, much better if you make that shift.
I'd quit telling her all of the fabulous things that you listed. Treat her with respect but never lose sight of the fact that you are the parent, you are in charge. Period.
In my experience it is harder to be hugely pregnant with a toddler/preschooler than have a newborn and a toddler/preschooler.
Good luck.
I'm right here with you. DD yells, runs to room and slams door and claws all over us when she is upset and wants her way. I'm having a csection in a week and a half so I feel the pressure as well. I haod to go food shopping tonight and leave DH to put her to bed just to get a break since bedtime is a clingy stall tactic nightmare as well.