Dread

clairmeij · March 2012

I've always always wanted children. I love the thought of being pregnant. I want to have a wonderful natural birth.

I am about 3 days before my last period before my first IUI and I can't shake this feeling of dread when I think about it.

Has anyone experienced this? I'm hoping its just PMS hormones in play, but its making me start to doubt myself with regards to this process for the first time ever. Very weird and unnerving.

2brides · March 2012

I have no recollection how I was feeling at my last period before starting to TTC (cause that was sometime in 2004!) But what I do know is that you are about to embark on an event that will change your life. Even if you don't get pregnant this first cycle (and I hope you do!) TTC is an emotional roller coaster (as you have seen on this board.) And all of these efforts will hopefully result in a child (or two!) which will UNDOUBTEDLY change your life in dramatic ways. So, I think it is perfectly normal to be hesitant, nervous, excited, fearful all rolled into one.

Good luck!

leapgirl8 · March 2012

Before our first IUI I felt so mixed up - I really wanted it to work b/c I was so excited about having a baby with Jen, and because I feared a long process. But at the same time there was a small part of me that felt like "We are not ready," and knew that I might be a little relieved if it didn't take. I felt terrible about it, like that little seed of doubt was going to jinx us for sure. I think it's normal. Taking any huge step like this is scary, no matter how right it is.

Meegs10.13.06 · March 2012

I wanted to be a mom more then anything, and I was so so ready. But I still had a moment of "ah, what did we do?!" when we started trying. Its such a huge decision, of course your going to have some moments of doubting it.

2brides · March 2012

Meegs10.13.06:
But I still had a moment of "ah, what did we do?!"

Um...and there are times that I think that now...and my kids are nearly 6y! No, seriously. I ADORE my kids, but having children is life altering in both wonderful ways (and not so wonderful ways!)

ball.and.chain · March 2012

I nearly had an anxiety attack after I clicked the "order" button when we bought sperm. We'd been preparing and saving and planning for years -- and all of a sudden there was no turning back and I wondered if we'd made the wrong decision. Not dread, necessarily, but certainly fear. It's scary!

tdmklm · March 2012

I don't think I'd call it dread - it was more of the "What have we done" feeling Meegs described... It's a scary time; lots of change coming your way. I think it's perfectly normal to question things once you get close (or, as 2brides said, a few years later! Stick out tongue

).

mypalbabs · March 2012

clairmeij:
I've always always wanted children. I love the thought of being pregnant. I want to have a wonderful natural birth.
I am about 3 days before my last period before my first IUI and I can't shake this feeling of dread when I think about it.
Has anyone experienced this? I'm hoping its just PMS hormones in play, but its making me start to doubt myself with regards to this process for the first time ever. Very weird and unnerving.

We did our first ICI last week and I think a lot of the Very Big Feelings we experienced were because we were doing insemination for the first time and there was so much that was unfamiliar about it. Our cryobank does not have stellar customer service, which added to our stress a lot. There was a lot of pressure about doing the inseminations at the exact right time (because defrosted sperm has such a short life).

And because I did the inseminating (as opposed to having a doctor do it) that was an additional level of stress. (Although it gave us total freedom as to selecting the proper date/time without worrying about the doctor's schedule.)

The first time, I prepped the catheter with the sperm (and had already inserted the speculum) and realized I didn't have my headlamp on! We were able to laugh about it, which helped a lot.

thiswillbe · March 2012

I would be concerned about anyone who embarked on the journey towards becoming a parent with out at least a little trepidation. It's a big deal!!

(That said, listen to yourself, too. Can you put a finger on your anxieties? Are they valid show-stoppers? Pre-pregnancy, it's never too late to stop and reassess.)

And now: deep breaths! Smile

clairmeij · March 2012

Thanks everyone for your very thoughtful responses After reading through these, and chatting to a counselor friend, I feel better.

I think its just cold feet I still want this, and I'll still plan on the IUI for my next ovulation.

You're all right, this is a huge life event, and I would be a tad strange if I didn't worry about it.

clairmeij · March 2012

And to 'Thiswillbe' - the more I thought about it, the more I came back to the story of some good friends of ours who said that the realization in the hospital of 'what they'd done' straight after the baby was born, blew them away. I think its just nerves.

Alysia82 · March 2012

Everyone has said some great things. I had my first IUI in February and I remember not being able to sleep the night before. I was so excited but also a little concerned about random things. Will my body reject the IUI, do I have a big enough house, do my wife and I make enough money, will I get into the doctors office and them not be able to do the procedures. It was crazy.

However, after it was over I was cool as a cucumber or a dill pickle (which ever you prefer). I think those feelings are natural. I wish you luck on your first IUI.

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