I can't believe that just happened

Missa_g · March 2012

I was just in the restroom at work and I was drying my hands getting ready to go back to my desk. I yawned and a woman a few sinks down glared at me and said, "You really should appreciate your pregnancy more. A lot of us would kill to be experiencing what you're experiencing". I think I stuttered, "excuse me?" or something to that effect and she went into a tirade about how plenty of women in the building would love to have healthy pregnancies and it's very painful for someone like me to rub it in their faces how overly fertile I am by having twins. I tried to get a word in but she kept saying, "no, you people just dont understand" and then she practically ran off.

I don't know her, we have over 1,000 people in this building. But now I'm so worried and stressed trying to figure out what to do. The last thing I have ever ever wanted to do is hurt someone who has experienced a loss or IF. I've been there. I really try not to flaunt my pregnancy or the fact that we're having twins. I'll talk about it if someone asks but otherwise I avoid bringing it up unless it directly relates to my work (like with my boss). But now I feel awful. I totally get that this poor woman is probably having an awful day and seeing me be tired with a huge belly probably stung. But what should I do? Should I try to find her and tell her my story or try to blow it off and not let it bother me? I feel like if she knew my story maybe she would feel better but I'm terrified of hurting her too. Any suggestions? Ugh.

roxyttandme · March 2012

I think you need to make a choice. Either she is not worth your time or explain your story. She crossed a line and made an assumption that was incorrect. She needs to be corrected.

Sorry, I am a bit stabby today...

xoladiebug · March 2012

I am SO sorry you had to put up with the tirade of an a$$hole who doesn't know a lick about what you've been through to get where you are. Frankly I'd ignore her and not worry about it because its obvious she knows nothing about you and is just having a bad day. ((hugs))

WearingRed · March 2012

I wouldn't have let her go on. Mainly because I would have been in tears. And I would have told her that she shouldn't assume you are on of the lucky ones to have it easy. But since she ran off I would stop her if you see her again other wise I would let it go.

sweepie412 · March 2012

First big (awesome) hugs to you! You didn't deserve to be blindsided even though she is clearly hurting and we can relate. I am sorry she didn't give you a chance to speak, it probably would have made her feel better to hear that you have been in her shoes. No matter what you decide to do please don't stress, you certainly didn't do anything wrong.

sutherlandjn · March 2012

It irritates me beyond belief when people just assume things about people they don't really know. I would just ignore her but part of me would want to come back with a snarky comment about assuming she knows anything about what you've been through.

mags08.06.05 · March 2012

Ugh, how frustrating!! I don't know about you, but an encounter like this would eat me up inside and I wouldn't be able to stop replaying it in my head and going over all the things I'd want to say to her!!! I guess if it were me I would try to find her and set the record straight. Like PP said, she made an incorrect assumption about you. SHE is the one who came to you and caused an uncomfortable situation for you, you have the right to tell her how wrong she is! (In a nice way, of course!) It's not like she kept her thoughts to herself. She opened herself up to hear the truth.

Good luck! And whatever you decide to do, keep us posted!!!

quezzo · March 2012

I'm not exactly sure what you should do but I'm so appalled by what she did. I think it is one thing to complain about things on a site like this or on a personal blog, but to confront someone you barely know about their situation which you know nothing about is cometely socially stupid. I will say I don't think this lady is interested on listening to you. If she was she would have let you talk in the bathroom. I'm pretty sure she was only interested in venting her personal frustrations on a pregnant woman. You just happened to be there and she knew you were pregnant with twins and the for you became her punching bag for whatever issue she is having.

bluebonnetmeg · March 2012

Oh my gosh! WTH!? How incredibly inappropriate. I would try to find her and tell your story. If nothing else, it would teach her not to make assumptions. ((hugs))

CnAnA · March 2012

i wouldnt hunt her down, but grab her and explain if you see her again. If you dont see her, its none of her business anyway.

Petunia844 · March 2012

I agree with Roxy, she crossed a line. It's one thing if she was sad and made some kind of sad comment, but to be rude to you like that when she has NO idea what you've been through to get to where you are.... crossing the line. I agree too that you just have to decide if it's worth it to you or not.

If it was me, I'd be so pissed that she had the nerve to assume I got where I am easily that I would find her and tell her my whole story. But yea, I'm sensitive about it.

kevinandmonica2011 · March 2012

Wow! Kudos to you for keeping your cool (even if it was only because you were in a state of shock and couldn't react fast enough... hee hee)

If you had been bragging about how easy your pregnancy was and how you really don't even want to be pregnant anyway with a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other, I wouldn't think twice about giving you a piece of my mind... but even in my darkest moments, I NEVER would have thought for a second about lashing out at someone whom I knew nothing about. You just never know the road that another person has traveled to get where they are.

I understand she is probably hurting from her own difficult journey, but that still gives her no right to inflict pain on others. She was beyond out of line.

I absolutely would find her and tell her your story... or maybe even write it down, put it in an envelope and hand it to her to read on her own. Hopefully this can be a lesson to her that not everyone with a big baby belly has had it easy and isn't grateful for what they have or rubbing it in everyone else's face.

I'm sorry you had to go through this, but I hope that some good can come of it. ((hugs))

LottaLattes · March 2012

Wow, I'm sorry that happened to you and sorry she is having a hard time with it. If you know her at all, you might shoot her an email that said something along the lines of "I've dealt with both pregnancy loss and infertility, so I definitely appreciate being pregnant. I'm sorry if it hurt to see me being pregnant, because I definitely know how it feels." and leave it at that. She was being kind of a B by confronting you like that, but for all you know she just miscarried in the stall and wasn't being rational.

If you don't mind that she's upset, I would just ignore it. It sucks for her that things are hard, and we've all been there but it isn't your responsibility to make sure she feels better. It would have been nice if she had said something nicer...

coastalmaine · March 2012

what a total a$$!!!! That is absolutely a ridiculous thing to say to anyone. I am so mad! I would try and find out who she was and send her an email telling her not to judge until she knows where you have come from. Huge hugs to you Missa! I know I am def. dragging myself around today because it is like 80 degrees here and I am not used to the heat....you can't help it if you are tired! Grrr...so annoyed right now!

csquared426 · March 2012

Wow, I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. Since she ran out without letting you explain, I say it's not worth hunting her down. But, if you do happen to see her again, then you can pull her aside and say something.

Eveanyn · March 2012

quezzo:

I'm not exactly sure what you should do but I'm so appalled by what she did. I think it is one thing to complain about things on a site like this or on a personal blog, but to confront someone you barely know about their situation which you know nothing about is cometely socially stupid. I will say I don't think this lady is interested on listening to you. If she was she would have let you talk in the bathroom. I'm pretty sure she was only interested in venting her personal frustrations on a pregnant woman. You just happened to be there and she knew you were pregnant with twins and the for you became her punching bag for whatever issue she is having.

This exactly. Though I'd be sad for her and her situation, I don't think that gives her any damned right to spread her ill-feelings towards you. She doesn't know your situation and shouldn't punish you and make you feel guilty. You've gone through it, and we all know that you are not ungrateful for your babies. (((HUGS)))

benoitfan · March 2012

i would seek her out. She needs an education. Even if she has suffered losses or is dealing with IF,she should not assume you haven't. You'd think someone in that boat would know that? I would probably have yelled at her something like "hey lady, it wasn't so easy, I've had x losses..." to get her attention. I'd hope once you caught her attention you could have explained a bit more nicely and detailed. Since that isn't an option now, I'd just tell her "for the record, my pg wasn't easy for me. I've suffered a m/c in the past. This whole pg has been filled with anxiety, and yawning isn't a complaint. I'm thrilled to be pg and fully expect to be tired. I didn't mean to upset you but I can't help that I have a very pg belly or that I yawn from time to time." I'd wish her well and be done with it.

unstuck6jb · March 2012

Oh my...that's awful. I'm so sorry you had to be on the receiving end of that ladies bad day. I feel for her, but there is no excuse to lash out at a perfect stranger that way. I hope you can move on and not let it bother you. You clearly didn't do anything wrong. I suppose if you do run into her again, maybe you will get a chance to tell her your side of the story and let her know that you feel for her too. She probably feels bad...if she came to her senses, surely she would realize that her comments were completely uncalled for. ((Hugs))

liesam · March 2012

bluebonnetmeg:
Oh my gosh! WTH!? How incredibly inappropriate. I would try to find her and tell your story. If nothing else, it would teach her not to make assumptions. ((hugs))

I'm sorry you had to be on the receiving end of her hurt & anger. I would definitely want to set the record straight with this woman. We've all been there, we know how much it hurts, but to verbally attack a pregnant woman you don't know?! Totally inappropriate. ((hugs))

Missa_g · March 2012

Thank you everyone! I still feel awful about it but I think I'm not going to hunt her down. I don't know if it would make either of us feel better in the end. But if I do see her around again I plan to try to tell her a little of my story. I know what she did was uncalled for and rude, but I also know how much pain she must have been in at that moment to react that way to a complete stranger.

LSzwaya · March 2012

roxyttandme:
I think you need to make a choice. Either she is not worth your time or explain your story. She crossed a line and made an assumption that was incorrect. She needs to be corrected.

Sorry, I am a bit stabby today...

I totally agree. When someone acts like I am SO lucky to be pregnant, it infuriates me. I AM LUCKY. I know that, but DH and I worked our butts off to be here and went though pure torture for this baby. I agree with filling her in. Hopefully she apologizes.

Malka7997 · March 2012

My first instinct would be to hunt her down and punch her in the face. I've been a little hormonal though and that's probably not the best thing to do. I would end up waiting to see if I run into her but def say something. I'm so sorry she used you as a punching bag. You definitely didn't deserve that!

hopefulmom81 · March 2012

roxyttandme:
I think you need to make a choice. Either she is not worth your time or explain your story. She crossed a line and made an assumption that was incorrect. She needs to be corrected.

Sorry, I am a bit stabby today...

ITA. I think the finding her would be more to clarify a crappy assumption she made that was incorrect. I am so sorry that happened to you, and that you feel bad. She should know better than to assume anything. If there is anything that multiple miscarriages has taught me is that when I see a pregnant woman, I do NOT know her story.

kellbelle618 · March 2012

xoladiebug:
I am SO sorry you had to put up with the tirade of an a$$hole who doesn't know a lick about what you've been through to get where you are. Frankly I'd ignore her and not worry about it because its obvious she knows nothing about you and is just having a bad day. ((hugs))

This. What she said to you was uncalled for and inappropriate, but I would probably just let it go. I don't think it is worth hunting her down.

princesscto · March 2012

wow I"m sorry that happened, I think if you ever see her again and she says something I would tell her your story, or just drop it and move on. I know and you know what you have been through and that is all that matters~! you don't need to explain or justify yourself to anyone!!

JessMike07 · March 2012

Wow thats ballsy!! I'd probably want my story known and would try to find her. But thats just me.

laoch101 · March 2012

I had a slightly similar situation. I announced our pregnancy at 6 mths on Facebook. I then saw a friends sister, who I know is trying to conceive. The look on her face was one I've worn before. Excitement clouded with jealousy. She said congrats but was on my mind all night and next day. I messages her and told her I knew how she felt and was talking about what worked for me. It made her day and she said she didn't feel so alone.

In situation I would have went off. But understand being shell shocked. If I saw her around I would stop and offer explanation but wouldn't hunt her out either.

Sorry that happened.

DenaRenee78 · March 2012

I am expecting twins too .. and suffered two previous second trimester losses. I can relate to both sides. However I would NEVER have reacted like she did! It was wrong for her to just assume anything about you! I agree with the other posters who said you have to chose if she is worth your time or not! She was wrong in her assumptions about you .. and she does need to be corrected! I would be highly upset if anyone said anything like that to me .. I have been a nervous anxious wreck this whole pregnancy worrying I could lose these babies at any time!

LottaLattes · March 2012

Missa_g:
Thank you everyone! I still feel awful about it but I think I'm not going to hunt her down. I don't know if it would make either of us feel better in the end. But if I do see her around again I plan to try to tell her a little of my story. I know what she did was uncalled for and rude, but I also know how much pain she must have been in at that moment to react that way to a complete stranger.

You are a good person *hugs*

chusum · March 2012

hopefulmom81:
roxyttandme:
I think you need to make a choice. Either she is not worth your time or explain your story. She crossed a line and made an assumption that was incorrect. She needs to be corrected.

Sorry, I am a bit stabby today...
ITA. I think the finding her would be more to clarify a crappy assumption she made that was incorrect. I am so sorry that happened to you, and that you feel bad. She should know better than to assume anything. If there is anything that multiple miscarriages has taught me is that when I see a pregnant woman, I do NOT know her story.

Yep. I agree, I can't look at anyone and assume it was easy. Miscarriage & IF are common and she shouldn't have assumed she is completely in the wrong here so I think you win either way you choose to go. You need to set her straight one day, but she might have just gotten some bad news so do it with kindness instead of biting her head off. This may be an opportunity for her to use you as a trying to get pregnant buddy!

StephRN23 · March 2012

I'm sorry that happened to you! Do you have a directory with pictures of employees? Maybe just write her a card. If you can't get a hold of her, don't stress about it. You know what you went through to get where you are and that's all that matters.

karma79 · March 2012

I would want to find her and tell her my story AND add that it was incredibly insentive of her to assume you had it easy. That's ridiculous! Sorry you had to go thru that.

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