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Natural Birth
florquevedo
member
Fear of labor after NB?
florquevedo
member
Hi ladies
I had my baby boy 13 days ago, and it was....INTENSE. My water broke at 7:30 and I had my precious LO at 3:13. It was the most intense and painful 7 hours of my life, I really thought I wasn't going to make it. I am struggling with my feelings about labor since I expected it to be a much more...beautiful? thing. I have talked to some NB friends, and also my midwife and we all agree that because things progressed so fast my labor was extremely intense, I was really expecting it to be painful but never as painful as it was, I can almost call it horrible. Did anyone have a similar experience? How did you cope with this?
When I talked to my midwife she suggested I see it as a powerful moment in my life, where I thought I couldn't do it, but I did, and to find strength in knowing how strong I am.
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Re: Fear of labor after NB?
Definitely give yourself time to process your labor...it took me a while, too!
I had nearly 24 hours of natural labor with DS1 and although I was proud of what I'd made it through, I didn't look forward to doing it again. This, despite the fact that I'd read every NB book out there and was more than convinced of the benefits and NB being right for me. DD came 19 months later and DS2 20 months after her and in those short intervals, I didn't have time to regroup and recommit to NB. In both those births I waited as long as I could but did end up having an epi about a half hour before the babies came.
DS3 is now due at the end of June, so 3 years after my last birth. I have finally worked up the courage again to do NB and realized I was just missing tools (and faith). So I'm doing Hypnobabies and feel really good about how I'm going to deal with labor this time. Maybe you can isolate the element that you didn't have a good handle on for this birth and look around for something that addresses it (doula for personal support, different birth environment for familiarity and relaxation, hypno or bradley for techniques, etc.).
My three little ones
07.22.11
10.22.13
I agree with the PPs. Give yourself some time. I had a med-free hospital birth, 17.5 hrs or labor total, only about 6.5 hrs of that in active labor.
I was prepared for it to be painful, as well, but I don't think there's any real way to imagine how difficult it actually is.
Looking back, I really had a smooth, wonderful birth experience. Yet even after that my first post-delivery words (after "I can't believe I did it!") were "Maybe I'll have the epidural next time." DD is almost 5 months old now, though, and I'm feeling much more positive about having another med-free birth.
IVF # 1 ~ Antagonist ~ ER 1/27/11~ ET 1/30/11 ~ + HPT 7dp3dt
DD born med-free on 10/24/11
No matter how prepared you are for labor, there's no way to experience it beforehand, you know? Be gentle with yourself!!
I think when you have an unexpectedly hard/fast/traumatic birth, it takes a bit to come to terms with it. It's only been a few weeks, so don't feel like you have to process it now, you know?
It took me a year to process my first son's birth - his birth ended in an unplanned c-section, and he was hospitalized for a week after his birth. It was a really hard time, and it messed me up quite a bit. I ended up going to counseling for the first few months, but I definitely could have gone for a lot longer. Maybe think about talking to someone, even if it's once or twice. There are counselors who specialize with moms and labor/birth experiences.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
I'm coping with the same thing. My labour was two hours from start to finish, and while I am very thankful it was short, I am struggling to come to terms with it. It was incredibly painful (I had a 16 hour natural labour with DS1, and that was nothing like this time around). I had a "great" birth, in most sense of the word- all natural, home waterbirth, no tearing, healthy mom and baby. The midwives raved about how "beautiful" it was but for me, it was like getting hit by a truck. I get so sad when I read posts by other people saying things like "I'm so proud of myself for what I did!" and "I feel changed as a woman!" because honestly, I feel a bit traumatized by the birth. I don't feel like it was something I did, I feel like it was something that happened to me- a ridiculously painful thing that I am still recovering from, emotionally and physically.
I have talked to a couple people about it, and most people seem to agree that the faster the labour, the worse the experience. I've been told that with very fast labours your body doesn't produce the endorphins and such that are supposed to help you through it. I've had similar advice that you received, but honestly, that hasn't helped me.
It's a hard thing to talk about, at least for me. There's this mentality amongst natural birthers that birth is this beautiful thing, an experience women benefit from through living through, something that changes us for the better, etc- and I expected all of that too (my first birth ended in c-section after three hours of pushing, and I never regretted the c-section. Many c-sectioned women around me were complaining about feeling "broken" or that they "missed out" on a valuable experience. I didn't feel that way then but I sure as hell feel that way now. My body feels damaged. I had the natural birth, why did I miss out on the positive proud feelings so many women talk about that I had been looking forward to?). I don't really feel like there's a lot of room for our feelings when reading and hearing all these stories from women who feel empowered from their births. I feel like I'm supposed to feel the same and there's something wrong or shameful about what I'm feeling.
I can relate. Everyone is always jealous of my fast labors but what they miss is how incredibly intense they are and it does take time to process everything. My last labor was 3 hours start to finish and I basically go straight into transition so my body has no time to build up to it or adjust. It is like being on a roller coaster. I can't talk, or move much and the contractions are right on top of eachother. My DH almost missed it because he was in the bathroom and I was all alone in the room when I felt an incredible pressure to push. I push the emergency on call button and whispered "pressure" LOL.
Just give yourself some time. I do love how both my labors progressed but because it was such a whirlwind, there is a tremendous amount of anxiety that I have to come to terms with especially as I look toward delivering again and must be prepared for all sorts of possibilities.
9 angels in heaven-3 in my arms and 1 in the NICU
Mono/di twin girls: Josephine born to heaven and Evangeline born Earthside at 25w
I agree with PPs. I had a 4 hour delivery with Ds. I remember taking my H to the ER 7 weeks PP. (Dh and I both got some sort of stomach bug and Dh got the worst of it.) Anyway, his nurse was chatting to us about her 7 kids and natural births bc Dh let it slip about our son being born in the same hospital without meds. She asked if I wanted any more children and I said NO WAY. I could still remember exactly how much it hurt and I was still in pain from my episiotomy. She chuckled and smiled knowingly and said "Yep, I thought that too after each one of mine."
Dh and I are now ttc #2, and I can only remember the details like I'm looking back on it through rose tinted glasses
Everything seems so much happier than I was probably feeling at the time! The pain is still fresh in your mind and your hormones are still going crazy! In time, you'll feel better about it. You did good mama!
Give it time. Your baby is sooo new. You're still recovering.
My son was born fast and furious. I woke up at 3:15am with strong contractions after going to bed feeling fine. He was born at 5:55am. He was born so fast and violent that I was injured and took quite a while to heal.
For years I was positive that I was never doing that again!
Now, almost 7 years later I kinda hope the next time is about the same length without the same ending. I really can't imagine how some women labor 12hours, let alone 24.
Thank you all, it's very comforting that I really am not the only one that feels this way, almost as if it's normal?
It's funny because after I gave birth all I could think about is getting my husband a vasectomy, lol. It's a life changing experience, and I can see it will take some time to process, so far we are adopting our next child haha. I hope I forget all about the pain eventually.
I honestly do want to say thank you again for sharing this very personal aspect of birth with me, it's very encouraging to know that I am not alone and this too shall pass
I can relate. For me, watching a few episodes of Baby Story after her birth helped.
It reminded me of why I wanted a natural birth with no interventions! In time I was very proud of myself, as I'm certain you will be too.
My labor was actually much longer than I expected - 33 hours. It was sooo hard and I did not have the strength in the end to move around and try positions that would have made it easier on myself. During labor I kept telling myself I would feel like a rock star when it was done. I was looking forward to that natural high.
That is not what happened at all. I never got the "high" and pretty much was in shock after she was born. It did not feel beautiful. I wondered why the hell I did that to myself, when an epidural would have been so much easier.
It took about a month to fully process my birth experience. What was so difficult and intense in the moment will look very different when it's a little further in the rear view mirror. I'm happy I made it naturally and intend to do it again with a future child. Hang in there and give it time.BFP#1 1/31/12, EDD 10/6/12 Harrison Gray born sleeping @ 18w6d. You changed our lives little guy.
BFP#2 EDD 10/29/13, C/P 2/25/13, Bye little Ish, we barely got to know you.
BFP#3 EDD 12/21/13, Baby Boots born 11/23/13 My rainbow baby!
January PAL Siggy Challenge: Good Advice
I felt that way when I first found out I was PG with #3. But now? I'm looking at revisiting my home birth and finding where my toughest moments were and how to cope this time.
As for coping immediately after birth, I did just feel so proud of myself for going all natural! It is empowering and made me feel like I could do anything! Within reason...
This was me as well. Water broke at 2pm and he was born at 6pm. I also describe the experience as intense...immediately after I wasn't sure I would want to go through that again but now a month later I am confident that I will go natural again.
I had a super fast, painful and intense 6 hour labor with Tristan. I was shellshocked for the first few weeks because I had not expected labor to be quite so crazy painful for me. But, as I gained a bit of distance, I've come to really think about the positive things...
-I didn't suffer for a long time
-it felt really good to push his little body out, like a massive wave of relief after the ring of fire
-my son totally did the breast crawl and I will never forget that feeling
-I had a really good, easy recovery and was up and showered/able to walk around less than an hour after birth
-I was 100%present for my birth
-I know my body and mind are strong!
Anyway, just give yourself some time and I bet you will feel different about your experience.
I was shocked by the emotional and physical significance of my birth.
I imagined being so calm and relaxed, and knew it would be painful, but I have a pretty high threshold for pain and was very physically fit. It was nothing like I imagined. I guess it was fast and furious - my water broke at midnight and the MW's thought I would have her by 6am. But, little did they know, the cord was wrapped around her shoulders and every time I would push it would hold her in. She was born at 9:44.
My contrax were right on top of each other and the only thing I could do was moan like a cow the whole time. My throat was sore for days afterwards. LO was in the birth canal for a while and had her hand by her face coming out. So I think that took it's tole on me. While I was up and around shortly afterwards, it took me much longer to physically heal than I thought it would.
It took me a long time to process what happened and how intense it was. More intense than I could have ever imagined. I was also very hormonal for at least 2 months afterwards. I would look at my dog and cry. seriously. I didn't have PPD or anything, but was very emotional and I normally am not like that.
It's a huge physical and emotional event - and like PP's said - took a long time to process. I am one and done, but I am at the stage where I can look back fondly on my birth and feel good about what happened, not bad that I was probably the loudest person ever and I didn't get to enjoy the moment because I was trying to survive.