Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
PoundCake
member
http://Life In Sublurbia.blogspot.com
Re: Child support question
Flip the situation: If your Ex got a new job and was making more money, you'd want him to be upfront and amend the CS to reflect the change in income right? It's only fair you do the same. Especially if something happens and your Ex starts making less money and requests a modification. Then it's going to show that your income increased and you never disclosed it. You could find yourself getting reprimanded by a Judge and have the CS lowered even more.
I understand how hard it is to raise kids on your own while trying to pay down credit cards that your Ex should be paying 1/2 of. It's been almost 7 years and I've barely gotten the debts cleared that XH left me with. And he never pays his CS. But I notify my child support agency each and every time my income changes. If they don't file modification paperwork, that's on them. But I cover my butt because I don't want to be in trouble with the Court later.
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Hmm, it is my understanding in my state that cs CAN change if there is a 20% or more difference in income. I haven't gone to court yet but it is my understanding that we will probably agree to exchange tax info every year. That is how we would each determine if we wanted to go back to court or refile again. You both should be checking on each others income on a regular basis (standard is yearly) and then you can each make the decesion to file.
My ex paid child support to his exwife and I was not aware of them EVER filing for a change in child support since the amount was ordered over ten years ago. (and you can bet both of their income has increased more than 20% over the years). Plus, his ex doesn't pay daycare anymore since the kids are in school. However, they get along well now and his ex seems to be happy with the amount she gets every month. She is remarried and has a pretty good job so I guess she is satisfied?
If neither of you file there is no one that is going to come looking for you. It is up to each of you to protect yourselves. You are not obligated to protect him.
I know he has gotten a raise or 2. I haven't done anything b/c I'm just happy to get what I have. He was on drugs and drank so I don't trust him as far as holding a job. Don't know if he's changed.
But I have full legal and physical custody, so him claiming taxes isn't legal I believe. He has supervised visits and has seen them just twice recently. I don't get anything else from him, except he has the kids on his insurance and I pay all the copays. I figure its an even trade.
I do plan on calling my caseworker, I guess its just me being a baby.
No he cannot claim the kids on his taxes if he does not have primary custody. The only way he can do that is if you agree to that and you certainly should not ever do that.
What I meant is that each year you should be exchanging your tax filing documents so that you can disclose to each other all of your earnings. When you file your taxes it shows your total earnings from all sources for the year. And that is how you would know if his income had changed significantly enough to proceed with getting your cs amount changed.
He would never do that. And he hasn't filed taxes since we separated. This I know. He doesn't get a tax return because it would go to me since he's in arrears or to a defaulted student loan like it did when we were married. His tax info still keeps coming to the house and I keep sending it back.
They called me and said he didn't file.
Well I don't know what to tell you. Without tax returns I don't know how either of you would have any idea how much you are making. However up to this point I've only dealt with lawyers. I don't know what all they require at the family court office or where ever else you go to deal with this without an attorney. I'm assuming both of you would need some sort of court order if you wanted to prove the other's income increased or decreased.
The caseworker is out today. I know we both had to bring proof of income to the table and last time he asked for the hearing to lessen it and didn't show up because he didn't have proof. So I will still do the right thing.
For our case, if there is any change in jobs/income/living arrangements etc etc we're required to notify our case worker within 10 days. BD of course fails to do so, but a review is done automatically every two years UNLESS either of us requests a review
Also, the form that is filled out (with income, bills etc) is sent to both parties along with a print out of all wages earned by both parties during the specified time period they check.
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This isn't actually true. I know from experience. I have full legal and physical custody of ds. The person who makes the most income is the one who claims the child(ren) if you've lived together at least 1/2 of the year even if filing separate.
Because BD made more than I did the first year that ds was born, and he was considered "living" with me (though he wasn't physically, just listed on our lease) he was granted the deductions and I had to pay back over $1,600 to the IRS.
In my bag
d90
50mm f/1.2 * 28-85mm (Macro) f/3.5-4.5 * 70-300mm f/3.5-4.5
Opteka Fisheye Adapter * Lightscoop
You lost me here. Who cares about one year of taxes? I am talking about AFTER you divorce and and until your child is an adult. If you are no longer living together than the parent with primary physical custody gets the deduction. Yes, if you split during the tax year then for that ONE year it might be different but for every year after that the custodial parent gets to claim the child regardless of who makes more money. The only exception to this is if the custodial parent gives the other parent permission to claim the child.
Read more: How to Determine Who Gets the Dependent Deduction for a Divorced Parent | eHow.com https://www.ehow.com/how_12103203_determine-gets-dependent-deduction-divorced-parent.html#ixzz1pxfg4uoV