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Birthday Party Etiquette

lismoglismog
in Pre-School and Daycare
I'm thinking ahead but am trying to figure cost of DD's next birthday party.  It's not until October but money is real tight so I want to get an idea of what I'm looking at.  I was thinking of having it at a location, like a bounce gym or something like that and being she'll be starting Pre-K in September, I'm sure she'll have some friends at school she want to invite.  My question is, is it ok for her to choose a few kids in her class she's more friendly with and wants to invite or is it customary to invite the entire class?  There will be about 20 kids in her class and with all of them, and family (cousins, very close family friends) it's going to cost ALOT. 
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Re: Birthday Party Etiquette

  • Mrs. RohdeMrs. Rohde member
    I think this is a very personal decision. It is normally customary to invite the entire class but there may be some kids she doesn't like or play with as well as parents you don't get along with so if I were you I'd send an invite in the mail to the ones you want to invite-that way you're not singling out some kids during school hours. No one should be offended, it's not that big of a deal.
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  • la79alla79al member
    I know that when I worked in a daycare kid X would be talking about how excited she was to be going to kid Zs birthday party and none of the other kids were invited so they were all really upset.  You can probably get out of inviting school friends by inviting cousins or a good friend from outside of class.  I know my DD at this point would play better with one friend than multiple friends. 
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  • schnappycatschnappycat member

    So far, DS has only been invited to one classmates' party and I know there have been others he wasn't invited to since I heard the parents talk about them. I admit I felt slightly miffed at first, but I also understand that DS is young (first year of PS when some of the other kids are in the second year) and isn't really good friends with many of the kids in a true friend way, if that makes sense. I don't think he really knows or cares he has been excluded, honestly. I think the invites were stuck in the school bags without the kids' noticing or the parents just did it outside of school through the mail or email. So obviously my school doesn't have an all or nothing policy.

    So, IMHO, I would have the party at your house (if you can) to save money and just invite a few closer friends. There are plenty of years for big parties with tons of kids. I'm probably in the minority, but that's what I would do.

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  • NaplesWifeyNaplesWifey

    I just went through this issue for DD's birthday party this past weekend. We ended up only inviting 6 girls that she chose from her class because we have a lot of friends with kids & nieces & nephews that we always invite. I know all of the moms of the girls she invited, so I sent them invites through facebook.

    P.S. - I thought about having the party at a local park & inviting the whole class, but DD really wanted her party at our house so there was no way I could invite her whole class.

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  • schnappycatschnappycat member

    A few minutes after a posted, I saw this about birthday party dos and don'ts. It addresses your question.

    https://www.learnvest.com/2012/03/party-etiquette-the-dos-and-donts-of-kid-birthday-parties/ 

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  • Suern9870Suern9870 member
    How about just inviting the girls in her class?  At least if you say you only had the girls, that's sort of a neutral criteria, kwim??  and most likely, most of her close friends will be girls.  
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  • PeskyPesky member
    When DD turned 3, I only invited a few kids.  They didn't quite "get it".  When DD turned 4, I invited most but not all the class and didn't seem to be an issue.  Now her next bday, when the class is really tight and they DO talk about it, I will invite everyone but that is only 12 kids.  One of the things you can do is alternate years between a big "invite everyone" party and a smaller family and a few close friends for something more conducive to a small group like a movie and ice cream.  Neighbors do that with their kids and it works really well so they are never having 2 big blowouts in the same year.  So you can make this year her "small" bday party and that way you don't have to worry about inviting a whole class.


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    DD -- 5YO
    DS -- 3YO

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  • Emiliana7Emiliana7

    DD recently had her bday party at monkey joes (bounce place). This has been her first year of prek (its the 3's class, she turned 4 in feb). Her other bday's have been jsut small gatherings at our house since only had one friend (not counting cousins) to invite.

    We considered just inviting just the girls in her class, the problem with that is one girl has a twin brother in the same class. So I figured we'd invite the whole class and some wouldn't be able to come.

    Also some schools have a policy that if you give the invites at school then you have to invite the whole class (or just the girls, or just the boys).

    We picked the 16 kid package and had 16 total kids (14 of which were from her class of 20) We cut it close but if we had extra it was only $10 for each addt kid anyway.

    The package was $250 (included 16 kids, party room for 2 hours, a party pro to serve pizza and cake and drinks- she also wrote down names and what gift gave(handy for TY notes) and a tee shirt and also a 'ticket grab in the booth to win prizes, then there was tax and gratutity. Also we added an extra pizza and pitcher of soda ($15) for the adults.

    We brought in our own cake (got it from the grocery store it was a Tangled cake) and that was 22.

    So the total spent was about $330- which is consistant with what we've spent for her other 'family' only parties at our house.

    So I think it was well worth it- her having a fun party and being with all her friends. Plus I didn't have to 'company clean' my house or make food.

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  • jlw2505jlw2505 member
    There is no rule about who you can and can't invite to a party.  Some schools ask that you don't pass out invites in school unless everyone is invited so you just mail the invites to the kids you want invited.  At both of my kids school (a daycare center preschool and a PreK based in the elementary) we have parent folders and we are able to leave the invites in there for the kids that we are inviting but I have also had some requests for our address through the teachers so the invites can be mailed.  Only 1 time have I invited the whole class and that was last year when we did a bounce house party for older DD - the package included more kids than we had on our list and we were able to invite the whole class for no extra charge but honestly, it was way to big and not everyone came.  My DD (who was turning 5 at the time) was totally overwhelmed so this year we are limiting it to around 10 kids plus her sister and 2 cousins that are in town.
    Jenni Mom to DD#1 - 6-16-06 DD#2 - 3-13-08 
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  • ougrad1ougrad1 member
    What about just inviting the girls?  That may help.
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  • KL777KL777 member

    DS's school has a policy that you have to either invite the entire class or no classmates.

    To avoid having a very expensive party, I went to DS's school and did a classroom party during their snack time with his classmate friends.  On the weekend, I just invited a few family members with kids to his family party at the Bounce House (and then out for pizza) ---which turned out to be a much less expensive and still fun route.

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  • MirandaHobbesMirandaHobbes member
    imageKL777:

    DS's school has a policy that you have to either invite the entire class or no classmates.

    To avoid having a very expensive party, I went to DS's school and did a classroom party during their snack time with his classmate friends.  On the weekend, I just invited a few family members with kids to his family party at the Bounce House (and then out for pizza) ---which turned out to be a much less expensive and still fun route.

    I really like the idea of doing something at snack time!! DS is turning 4 soon and has yet to receive any invites to parties. I don't know if it's him or if no one invites classmates. I think it is the latter. I am considering doing a birthday party at a fire station. Someone just tipped me off that our little local fire station will do free tours for kids, let them sit in the engines, teach them stop drop roll, etc. I'm not even going to do cake or presents- I can do that later at home with just family. DS will LOVE it!

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