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mom (vent) what to do??

LCLaw3LCLaw3
in 3rd Trimester

So I've really been working on the ignoring what people say and do towards me because lately a lot of it had been super overwhelming... especially for someone hormonal and ready to be done being pregnant.  But, for some reason, it seems that no matter how much I try to ignore my mother, she just continues to do things that either hurt my feelings or irritate me.  From the beginning of this pregnancy, she was a bit disappointed that I put my career on hold to have a baby.  She apparently had other plans for my life as she's always been quite controlling (I'm 26 married and an attorney, btw).  

Anyways, since I got pregnant she has pretty much made it her mission to make me feel like my baby is not that important, doesn't need the things I registered for, and that I should focus on other things besides my baby.  This is really getting on my nerves because my sister just had her third baby in January and she is over the moon for this baby, cant do enough for her, and thinks she needs all sorts of stuff that apparently my baby doesn't need.  Now I love my new niece and I appreciate my mom and all that she does, because I know she does a lot for me (i.e. throwing my shower), but I can't help but feel like she thinks me and my baby are more of a pain in the ass than anything else.  She threw a fit over the nursery, demanded that it be a train theme, and now tells me she hates the set up and she wants it moved now.  I also asked her a question about swaddling blankets, to which she replied that my baby didn't need all this crap and that I should save my money to finish my kitchen backsplash.  Then she TELLS me that she will be babysitting my baby when I go back to work.  She's really driving me up the wall.  I'm kinda getting tired of the negativity and bossiness, but every time I try to explain it to her she calls me ungrateful and starts a fight.  I've also tried to ignore it, but obviously that just makes her do it more.  Anyone else have a similar problem that ended up in something other than more fighting?  Suggestions, please!

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Re: mom (vent) what to do??

  • Josie22Josie22

    Oh my gosh... It seems like she sees you as the "professional" daughter, and sees your sister as the "mothering" daughter. So it really has nothing to do with you, or your baby. She just decided to pick her own life for you. How frustrating and rude.

    I would try to stop talking to her as much. Time to cut the amount of time she has to aggravate you. I also wouldn't follow any of her demands.

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  • Pdxmom73Pdxmom73

    My mom and I have a so-so relationship. We have our ups and downs. My dad died 5 yrs ago and so I constantly have to yell myself that I need to let things go with her because she is family and that is precious. With that being said...we have made the choice of me being a SAHM. She does not agree and thinks I am silly to quit a good job. The problem being that between daycare for 3 kids, I will be working to pay daycare. I just listen and tell her that this is something dh and I have decided is best for us. I will go back into the workforce in a year when my mil retires and watches the kids for a price I can afford. She has finally stopped bringing it up because my answer is the same. 

    Good luck! 

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  • GAPeach68GAPeach68 member
    I caved and let my mother babysit DS when he was small. It is one of my biggest regrets. She treated him like she had always treated me and I had to see her every afternoon to pick him up. I think I'd been better off with a stranger. Don't let her bully you and your LO.
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  • smacbsmacb

    Establish boundaries and stick with them.

    I had a similar situation with my mom.  I wa a practicing attorney for 9 years before I had my son.   My mom wanted me to be like her and never have a career.  She made all kinds of nasty things I learned to tune out.  We had some knock down drag out fights.  She relates to be better now that I'm a SAHM.  I also made it clear that she could behave or never see her grandson.

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  • gisa886gisa886 member
    Time to put your foot down! Let her know that you would love for her to be a grandma and not a caretaker so for that reason you will seek other child care. Don't back down! 
    i wish i could be joking but my dad is the music teacher at a church so he owuld be mad. we had sex, all the time how bad i know but we dont want to wait and he said GREAT OH KAY! and I was really feeling the wets? down there- too embarsed to say- but he acted like man.
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  • MotherMonsterMotherMonster member

    My mom does the same thing. It's like they're playing favorites! My sister is older and has been in trouble with the law concerning theft and drugs. Last year she graduated from college with 2 degrees, but she decided to get a whole bunch of tattoos and now can't get a job in her field (it's high end government business stuff). So my mom pays her bills because she "has to" live in a condo with her boyfriend and so on. My sister has a job, but she doesn't want to use her money to pay her bills.

    When it comes to me, it's an inconvience for everyone involved or so it seems. My mom threw me a baby shower, but that's kinda the short and end of it. I'm going to be living with her after I have my little girl because DH has to go off for training for work in which he will be gone for 4 months. The only thing my mom has boughten my daughter is a $3 onesie from walmart. That's it. Nothing else. My daughter is her first grandchild ever and my mom's a Ped...it's pretty pathetic in my eyes.

    I had to tell my mom exactly how it is for her to really grasp what she was doing. She can go on and make demands, but I'm the boss when it comes down to it and I have the final say.

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  • mrsshawnavanbmrsshawnavanb member

    My mother is also VERY controlling and when I try to stand up to her, it causes big arguments so I can definitely relate. I agree with all of the pp's though, that you have to continue to speak up for yourself and try to set boundaries. I had to do this regarding finances not that long ago. I really pissed my mom off, but I told her that I am married now (have been for 2.5 years now) and that my financial situation is between my husband and I. She yelled at me to not talk to her about it then (which I don't) and hung up on me, but after a few days she called me and pretended it never happened. Don't let your mom make decisions for you, or guilt trip you into making the decision she would make. Also, why does she care how the nursery is set up? That part seems especially ridiculous!

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