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Attachment Parenting
How do you reply when people judge?
I am a hairstylist and work with different people everyday. They all see pictures of LO and want to talk about her. Whenever it comes out that I bed share a lot of the time I always get the "that is extremely unsafe" or if I mention co-sleeping "well she will never sleep in her own room if you don't start now" I usually just let it slide but its really starting to get to me. How do you respond? I have a lot of people who also say "your not going to be one of those mothers who breastfeeds till they are 3 are you!?" when they see me with my pump at work. I don't even know how to handle some of these comments because honestly if she wants to and my body lets me I don't mind if she nurses that long.
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Re: How do you reply when people judge?
Tell them if you're not a drunk or a druggie its fine, and children who are with their parents when they're young are more independent when they're older.
Make a pregnancy ticker
Here are some ways that I would respond
"You might enjoy the work of Dr. James McKenna. His work at Notre Dame on this topic is really enlightening."
"It isn't important to us that she sleeps in her own room."
"We're very happy with our choices."
"Did you know that most babies in the world cosleep?"
"I would be honored if my DD still liked us enough when she's a teen to sleep with us. But, somehow I don't think that will happen."
"DD will let us know when she's ready to wean."
(smile)"That's an odd comment to make" (laugh)
"Why do you ask?"
"She's thriving, and we're thriving. Every family has to find what works best for them."
More Green For Less Green
Those are all great. Thanks!
"It works for us" is my go-to line. For when will you (wean, move him out of the bed, have another baby), it's "Not today".
As for "still nursing at 3", I'd probably answer "Wow, if we're lucky!". I've been running with the LLL hippies too long.
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"If she's still cosleeping when she goes to college, I guess her roommate will have to deal with it."
I think a good part of it is diffusing the situation (or at least making it clear that it's not up for discussion) by highlighting the ridiculous nature of the comments. Things like:
"Well, the natural biologic age of weaning for humans is more like 5 to 7 years of age, but I think we'll probably stop before kindergarten."
"What can I say, I'm a lazy mom. When she needs comfort, I want to most comforting thing the first time. Yeah, yeah, we could do other things, but I tell ya, LAZY!"
If they continue, I would have NO qualms saying "I understand that you have a different method for raising your children. Or would if you had them. But this works for us right now, and when it stops working, we'll do something else. I am happy to listen to other people's opinions on the matter, but I get to make the decisions that are right for me, for my little one, and for my family. So, thank you for the input, and I will certainly file it away in my mind, but I'm not going to continue this conversation right here and now."
Want some bean dip?
https://goybparenting.com/?page_id=27
1) I smile and look at them like they just told the earth is flat and say "bless" with a super condescending tone.
2) I usually say something like "Gawd, I hope so! Breastfeeding burns like 400-700 calories a day! But I doubt we'll be that lucky, most kids self-wean around two years."
If you treat people like they are the idiot they usually stop making assy comments about your parenting choices.
*I'm not a very nice person.
Hehehehe. I love it. This cracks me up. I take the same approach, "Oh, she doesn't care where she sleeps (true), but I would never get any rest if she was always in her room. Co-sleeping is all for me"
And: Until she is 3? "I'll breastfeed her until she is 5 if she wants, but I doubt we'll be so lucky."
I don't offer that kind of info. What kinds of intrusive questions are people asking you?
"How does baby sleep?"
"Oh she sleeps great!"
No need to say "Oh she's not a great sleeper so we have her in bed with us, etc".
That's just silly to offer out info for people to judge. I don't invite judging so I kept my mouth shut a lot and gave vague answers.
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!