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Natural Birth
I'm not *trying* to offend you
I have been having a problem with people getting offended and I don't
understand this. They give me their opinion on a subject and I respond
(my opinion, what I have done and why, etc.) I try to choose my words
carefully and never talk down to anyone but people still get pissy about
it. And what's worse, when they ASK me about a subject and my answer is
different than what they wanted. I'm sorry, but what the heck did I do
wrong? I never talk down to a person, and even if I do feel they are wrong, I never say it and am quite careful how I share my "advice" if I share it at all.
Just today I posted a blog on my FB about circumcision, I am against it and I thought this was a nice article debunking the myths associated with it. Very polite, simply put but explaining why it's not "dirty", doesn't cause STD's, etc. I never say anything bad about those who choose to do it, just shared info I liked. And a few people got so heated about it I had to start deleting comments.
I've had issue with my birthing choices, things I do in pregnancy and my parenting choices the last 6 years with my son. It's driving me crazy. I feel like, just because some of my methods and opinions are not the mainstream then I should just STFU.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I'm not *trying* to offend you
No, I don't think you should STFU about non-mainstream opinions, but some topics are so personal to people that it's hard not to feel, despite the intent or way it's presented, that it's a judgement on how they did things. And I think it's safe to say that most parents do their research about topics and, at the very least, make the decisions that they support and feel are right, so no one likes to feel like they're being judged for their decisions (on either side of the discussion). I tend to avoid talking about these issues for this reason, and I hate confrontation. But also, I think that social mediums like facebook are particularly bad b/c it's even more difficult to understand the tone or intent behind a message. You may feel the article you posted was harmless, simple, and polite, but someone may have seen it as an "attack", and thus responded as such. Or perhaps responded in what they thought was a simple and polite way, but you saw it as an attack, kwim?
I dunno, it's not easy to be passionate about things. I had this discussion with my mom recently b/c I'm thinking about becoming a MW but not sure how I'd handle the confrontation or people with negative attitudes about it. But she said that's because it's a conviction for me, which is both why it's hard to talk about, but also exactly why I should.
Well, as you said, when someone gives you an opinion on a subject, you provide yours back.
You gave your opinion on FB about a hot topic, did you not expect opinions in return?
Of course not. I expect opinions. What I don't expect is to be called stupid or told that I am not doing what's best for my children, or I flat out wrong or anything like that. I see articles posted by people all the time I don't agree with (mostly political not parenting but still) I don't name-call and treat them like dirt because of their opinions.
I cannot not for the life of me imagine why you would be FB friends with someone who would say "Kris, you are so stupid" in response to an article.
Why would you be friends with someone who name calls? I'm not trying to be snarky, I'm honestly curious.
I think I'd just not be friends with people over the age of 6 who resort to name calling, and if you don't like the way these conversations go, and yet people keep asking you specifically for your opinion, just tell them you've researched your choices, are very happy with the way they work for your little family, but don't really like to get into conversations on parenting differences, because it makes you uncomfortable.
If someone asks your opinion, your provide it, and people regularily get 'butt hurt', obviously these individuals who ask your opinion aren't welcome to your message, so save your breath.
Well this is probably true. People often want to be re-assured and feel like they're doing the right research or making the right decisions, etc. It can take a lot of confidence and strength to go "against the grain". If people ask for your opinion, don't look at it as a chance to 'convert' them, but a chance to simply expose them to another side. Whatever the outcome of the conversation, you gave them what they asked and that's sometimes all you can do.
Them calling you stupid and wrong IS there opinion. It's definitely harder to take than an educated discussion or debate, but it's a reflection of them and not you. It's hard to post controversial things online or even discussing them out loud with people without it being heard as an attack. You may have not meant it in any way, but you have no control over how they choose to read into it.
Keegan Patrick - Bilateral Clubfeet found at Anatomy Scan.
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BFP#1 1/31/12, EDD 10/6/12 Harrison Gray born sleeping @ 18w6d. You changed our lives little guy.
BFP#2 EDD 10/29/13, C/P 2/25/13, Bye little Ish, we barely got to know you.
BFP#3 EDD 12/21/13, Baby Boots born 11/23/13 My rainbow baby!
January PAL Siggy Challenge: Good Advice
I think that, when this sort of thing happens, you need to take a big, mental step back and say to yourself "this is about them, not about me" -- I think you may be taking it a little too personally. People who choose to engage in debates by name calling, bullying, or belittling the other person because they don't agree have issues. Often times it's a reflection of their lack of security about their opinions or methods, or inability to accept that the world is not black and white, or their intimidation that you come across as so confident and knowledgeable about your ideas and it starts to make them wonder -- deep down -- if maybe they missed something (and instead of being honest about that, it's easier to get defensive and attack the other person so they can feel better about the choices they already made).
Being an opinionated, well-researched, articulate and thoughtful person is, sadly, the exception, not the rule. And it's pretty much a given that you're going to encounter the people who are "the rule", and that they won't handle things with your same level of maturity and insight. It sucks ass -- but it's a reality you have to accept.
Having been in that situation many, many times over the years, I've learned that I can't "educate" the world, I can't ever win an argument with a moron who refuses to even open his eyes to other perspectives and ideas, and that I'm really only doing myself an injustice by wasting my breath on people who aren't willing or capable of having a civilized, respectful debate/discussion with me. As a result, there are few people I'll discuss politics with anymore. And I steer clear of other commonly controversial topics, unless the other party is someone I know I can trust to be mature about a difference in opinion. At first it was hard keeping my mouth shut when someone was spouting off nonsense. But, after awhile I realized it's nice to not feel like I have to engage and potentially cause a scene. And if I do express an opinion and someone steps out of line in responding, I politely tell them that their comment was disrespectful and that I cannot continue the discussion with them under such terms -- and then I walk away.
Mama's Clone - 07/18/12
You most certainly have to accept that if you want to engage in that sort of conversation.
And posting something on a social networking site is just asking for it.
Unfortunately, it doesn't really matter if its cold, hard, factual information or not. Posting it is giving your opinion-you wouldn't post an anti-circumcision article if you didn't find it favorable...its insinuated.
I could write a status that said:
there have been 4,486 American casualties in Iraq since '03
there have been 1,913 American casualties in Afghanistan since '01
The US has spent approximately 1.3 trillion dollars on the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan (combined)
Anyone who saw that status would automatically assume I was against the war (while ignoring that the numbers were factual) and they would probably have a ball tearing me to pieces.
Social networking blows.