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Toddlers: 24 Months+
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Family Issues

family310family310
in Toddlers: 24 Months+

I'm new to the boards here, but I lurk often and get lots of helpful information from all of you.  I've got somewhat of a dilema and I'd like your thoughts on the matter.

My brother-in-law recentlly moved back to town and will often come over to our home with his new girlfriend and her son (who is 10).  Her son is very defiant and does not listen to her.  In my opinion, she does not follow through with disciplining him, so he doesn't take any of her threats seriously.  When they are at our home, my two year old daughter loves playing with him (she loves being around other kids and really looks up to him).  He plays very rough with her often times his mother will not see or stop him from being excessively rough with her, so I feel like I constantly have to keep an eye on her son, to ensure the safety of my daughter.  He will grab her head with both hands and shake her head, I've seen him purposely stick his leg out to trip her (on our tile floor), etc.  I lost it the other day, and went off on him for doing this, I was so mad, I was shaking and had to leave the room.  His mom made him apologize to me, but his behavior hasn't really improved. 

To be completely honest, I'm not comfortable with him in our home.  I have a work meeting tonight and my husband asked his brother to babysit for an hour while I'm gone.  I just found out that he plans on picking up my daughter and taking her to a birthday party with his girlfriend and her son.  I'm a wreck worrying about her and worrying that they'll keep a close eye on her son to ensure that he's not too rough with her.  I hate the bad behavior she's learning by watching him, but I also feel like a bi*ch at the thought of telling them that her son is not welcome in our home. 

I don't know what to do, other than avoid any future situations where they will be watching my daughter.  I told my husband today how I feel, he already knew somewhat, but I don't think it bothers him as much as it does me. 

What would you do in this situation?  TIA!

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Re: Family Issues

  • pierogigirlpierogigirl
    I would ask a friend to babysit, or hire a babysitter (if you have one that you know and trust).  I would not feel bad at all about keeping my child safe.  If no sitter/friend is available I'd have DH come home from work early to watch the baby.
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  • family310family310

    Thanks for your response.  I'm going to avoid having them babysit for us in the future.  Since I posted this, my husband called his brother and told him our concerns.  He's promised not to take his eyes off her today (obviously, but especially around her son).  I feel better knowing that he's aware of our concerns.  I also found out that the birthday party is just a small family gathering and they were probably going to just stop by to drop off a card and may not even be going now. 

    In the future I'm just going to have to be the one to put my foot down when her son's at our house.  I was hoping she would parent him a little more, but it looks like it's going to be "my house, my rules" and hopefully she doesn't get too pissed when I have to repremand her son in front of her.  Smile

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  • mrsseguinmrsseguin member
    DH and I have 'rule' so to speak with concerns with the kids.  If one of us expresses we are uncomfortable with a situation, no matter what it is, plans will be changed.  So, like your situation, LO would not be going to the party.  End of story.  No discussion about it, unless you or DH go.  The safety and well being of LO is most important, and if you are uncomfortable with the situation, that's it, it doesn't happen. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • moonfaeriemoonfaerie member

    imagemrsseguin:
    DH and I have 'rule' so to speak with concerns with the kids.  If one of us expresses we are uncomfortable with a situation, no matter what it is, plans will be changed.  So, like your situation, LO would not be going to the party.  End of story.  No discussion about it, unless you or DH go.  The safety and well being of LO is most important, and if you are uncomfortable with the situation, that's it, it doesn't happen. 

    Ditto this

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  • family310family310
    Thanks for the feeback ladies.  It turned out that they ended up not taking her to the party after all and they all stayed at the house while I was gone.  I like the idea of the rule between husband and wife.  Great idea!
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