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Single Parents
lady_mormont
member
A question for you all...
lady_mormont
member
I just wrote a blog about this, but would love to hear from other single parents. I know some of have decent relationships with your ex's or maybe not, but you still have to be civil... but I know there are others doing it ALL or close to it.
Do you ever feel like a slave to your routine. Not that it is really that bad, because I am very happy with my life now, maybe more than ever before! BUT I can not imagine sharing parenting duties or negotiating decisions regarding my kiddo. Before my split I couldn't imagine raising a kid without a partner/spouse. Now it is hard to imagine rasing her WITH another person in regards to parenting decisions or finacial decisions. I used to be sad/scared when I thought about doing it alone now I can barely imagine it being any different.
I am SOOOO happy with my life right now, I can't imagine changing it... I feel like I am open to finding love, but I don't see it fitting into my schedule at the moment... sad but true.
Any opinions?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: A question for you all...
I have a hard time sharing parenting responsibilities. When Ex and I were still together I made all of the decisions and basically did everything for DD. After I left him this continued and now that BF is around more he's asking more more responsibility. I still have an uber hard time letting go and letting him take over.
BF has been in DD's life for more than half of it and has been her only male role model for the last 4+ months since the criminal investigation was opened against her father for sexual abuse against her aunt...
My schedule is completely full. Jam packed. From 5am in the morning to 8pm at night I'm going. Then after 8pm I'm studying. I did not see someone fitting into my schedule at all. Especially not until after I'm done with my test.
However, I recently started seeing someone and I find myself figuring out time to squeeze in seeing him. Like yesterday he came over at 6pm and we went for a run. I knew I needed to get in my studying time before I saw him or I would never forgive myself. So I studied while P napped and then for another hour at Starbucks (P was with XH). My point is, when you're ready and the situation is right, it'll somehow work itself out! (disclaimer: not saying that my situation is some happy ending story, we've only been seeing eachother a short time, but I'm just using it as an example that somehow you'll make time to fit someone in if you really want to).
My XH and I got divorced when the kiddos were 6 and 2. He moved across the country immediately, so I basically raised them on my own. I never really consulted him on decisions because he wasn?t around to have much of a say, but I always kept him in the loop. It was nice being able to make all the decisions and not have to have long drawn out conversations about different activities or punishment.
My kids are now 12 and 8 (almost 13 and 9) and when I got remarried 2 years ago it was a huge adjustment. Thankfully my husband has a LO too, so I know that he also knows what he?s doing. We butt heads occasionally on different issues (mainly money - he?s far more frugal than I am), but it?s been really nice being able to let go of some of the control and let him handle things. Now I?m not the only "bad guy" when the kids get in trouble, and I?m also not freaking out if I can?t get to the football field on time to get my son.
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I totally agree. My ex was in jail for the first part of our son's life and also the past 5 months. He will be in prison until DS is two and our second child will also be raised exclusively by me so I do everything by myself. It's very rare I am even away from my child since he also comes to work with me every day. My "free time" is when my mom watches him for 2-3 hours while I grocery shop.
It's exhausting and the only time I get to myself is the two hours I stay up after R goes to bed, which I'm usually too tired to care about and spend doing dishes and laundry or cleaning.
Even when my ex was part of our lives he was NEVER a help, only a burden in my eyes so when I left him it was actually quite freeing. I have always felt like a single mom so the change wasn't hard for me at all.
The two things I am frightened of? TWO children by myself and my "social life" after my kids. I get out of my house plenty but only if it revolves around my child or at least bringing him with. I can't imagine doing it with two children all on my own. Holding a toddler and toting a carseat at the same time just depresses me to think about. It's going to be hard but I don't have a choice. All I see is working full time and spending the rest of my time with them. Being a single mom on my own I can't really afford to have them babysat so I can go out and spend some more unnecessary money on my night out.
So honestly, I LOVE my children and I love my life. I wouldn't have it any other way. But I don't see much of anything changing at least for the next 3-5 years. Especially no dating. I just don't have time for that.
I don't recall your entire situation but I think there are pros and cons to both. It is a major b*tch to deal with my ex and his homewrecker girlfriend. However, I have a friend who her son's dad is not in his life at all and she really has a lot of issues around him not having a dad. Her son is 16 and I'm sure he has missed out and felt bad about having a dad who is out of the picture. He knows who his dad is but for some reason the dad has never spent time with him. The dad is married and had a few other kids. She tells me I should just be lucky that my son has a dad who loves him and wants to spend time with him. And at this point in my life the child support is helpful. I think it would be harder for me without it.
However I have been dating someone and he is starting to get attached to my DS and starting to make parenting suggestions and it is hard to have someone try to fill the dad role that isn't the dad. My BF has two teenage kids so he has experience but I don't know if you can understand what I mean but it just feels weird having someone try to filll that absent role. I can see that this will be a challenge for the next 16 years. And it is also a challenge for the BF I'm sure. Figuring out what his place is when my DS already has two parents.
I'm sorry I didn't know that. I agree with you that if you have close family to fill part of that void she will be just fine.
I think you are right to feel the way you do. Being around my BF and trying to figure out the dynamics of how we all fit together definietly isn't easy. I would defnitely describe it as exhausting at times. If you are doing good by yourself I think that is great.
My stbxh has really no interest in the girls. He has supervised visits but doesn't see them often at all. He doesn't want to try to parent. It's hard for me with the girls, but if he stepped in at this point, I think it would be harder.
But consider my life right now, I'm so bored with it, but as it is I can't change it. And I don't have sitters at my disposal except for work so having someone in my life if I wanted them there wouldn't work. I just don't have the ability and I don't want to have to have to face the other persons demand to have to see them.