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Working Moms
Congrats to SAHM's
I have an old friend who constantly updates her facebook status with what she is doing and pics of her children.
Today she posted some pics of the kids doing an art activity. This prompted no less than 15 people to comment on how wonderful a mother she was because she stays at home. The comments ranged from "kids are so much better with a mom who is home" to "it is so admirable you made the choice to put your boys first."
I would have just ignored this and thought nothing of it except this is the second post like this I have seen recently. (the other was a different person)
I have NEVER seen anyone congratulate a working mom on her hard work.
Have any of you?
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Re: Congrats to SAHM's
Well, I've had people comment that they don't know how I "do it all"-- work, cloth diaper, make baby's food (when I was making purees) etc... I don't know about "congratulate", but I've never had anyone who matters to me try to make me feel bad about working outside the home, either.
SAHMs get comments that are insulting, too. Try to just be confident in the decision you've made for your family and not worry about what others think.
House / Baby blog
Yes. My husband tells me all the time that he appreciates everything that I do with and for the kids while working full time as well as keeping up the house. I would stay home in a second with them if I had the option but I don't. That doesn't make me have negative feelings towards those that are able though.
ETA: A coworker did make a comment the other day that I should be at home with my kids. I asked her if she was going help my husband pay our bills.
Friends and close family members have done nothing but compliment me on my career success.
But I've had acquaintances make rude comments to me about wanting to work. I have some good comebacks.
I have numerous friends who are SAHM's and they get all sorts of rude comments too. The bottom line is no matter what decision we all make will be judged. It's sad, really.
I have been told what a great help I am and how it's so wonderful I work....
I know SAHMs who get talked down too a lot... people judge regardless of what you do.
I had a women I used to work with ask me if I was going to have any more. I said no and she asked why. I responded and said they are expensive, are you going to help me pay for another one? If someone ever told me I didn't put my DD first because I worked, I would respond and say, I do put my child first. I work so I can provide the things my family needs & wants.
I agree with this. Although I've had my fair share of judgment from people who think I should be SAH, I also have heard plenty of people act like SAHMs don't have a job at all and act like "it must be nice to shop all day and meet friends for lunch" or completely leave them out of adult conversations about work, career, future plans etc because they assume they have no ambitions besides SAH.
It sucks, but it goes both ways for sure.
People in my life are extremely supportive of me working.
I was pretty miserable as a SAHM. I might have more fun now. But, Gabe was very colicky and it sucked. He also had tons of appointments.
I like working.
We'll miss you sweet Debbie Girl (4.21.12) and sweet Cindy Girl (8.9.12)
#1 - I don't use FB...so I don't deal with stupid crap like that. Most of the time FB seems to piss off people.
#2 - I am surrounded by working mothers. Almost every single person I am around on a given day is a parent (most are women - we are elementary teachers). My mom was not a working mother until I was around 12 years old, and I actually cannot count on her to be appropriately supportive. My friends at work, or who I have met because of my DD, are the most supportive people I have around me. I would learn to not take things personally.
BTW - there is always tension about this subject...welcome to the insanity.
No, I've never heard anything but negative feedback on my "decision" to work. (I use the term decision lightly because SAH was never an option for me.) I'm the only working mom in my family, and most of the negative comments come from them. It sucks.
For what it's worth, DS does art projects at daycare.
I mostly hear how wonderful my guy is that he's a SAHD. He is wonderful, but I just think it's funny how if he was a SAHM, he probably wouldn't get half the praise ;-)
Mac and cheese lover!
Perhaps it's just a matter of who I associate with, but i've never gotten anything but praise for working. Most of of my "old friends", my entire moms group (it's a working moms group), and certainly all the women at work, work. And the friends I have that decided to leave careers and stay at home have the "wow, how do you do it all" and frankly I feel the same about what they do. I've never really received a negative comment about it.
A handful of times older OR nurses have asked about my kids and then stated they were SAHMs when their kids were the same age. I simply reply that I don't have thr mental fortitude to be a SAHM, and they wouldn't want me taking several years off and coming back "rusty". They then laugh and the topic changes.
I haven't had that experience from friends except for one. She is no longer my friend for that and many other reasons. She used to work PT as a nurse and quit and asked me point blank if I was terrified the kids would resent me later for not being home with them all the time since I also work PT. She said she later resented her mom for having a career.
I told her I had the opposite experience, a SAH mom that later regretted she didn't have a career when my sister and I left for college and that we each have to make our own choices.
The rest of my friends who SAH (and I have a lot) respect my decision and I respect theirs. Also my friends who work FT acknowledge that there are great things about working part time and I tell them all the time how my career is not in the same place it could be if I worked FT. It's all trade offs. Also many of friends that work FT could get PT in theory but the bosses would give them more work for less pay, my job is different since I don't have a boss. I think it's harder to find PT in corporate.
As for strangers, I have gotten some "gems" about SAH and working. I think it goes both ways.
LOL. This is so true. My DH always gets compliments for what a great dad he is. "He changes diapers, puts her to bed and everything!" I just roll my eyes.
I've kind of done it all since having kids-I've worked 32 hours a week, I worked 15 hours a week, and I've SAH. people are equally as rude no matter what you do. The comments just vary.
I actually commented a full time working mom friend not too long ago. She cloth diapers, BF until 2, makes her kids food, etc while working full time and having a very long commute. I called her supermom.
I too hear a lot of "how do you do it" and I struggle on how to take it. But that's why I started Liberating Working Moms...so we would have a place to congratulate each other.
I don't think people realize what they are saying with comments like that. People keep pitting working mommas against those that don't. It does not help our momma cause at all. Ugh. I would totally have said something too.
My Ovulation Chart
LMOA at that last statement!
The vast majority of moms I know work in some capacity. My sister is the exception. She and I never judge each other's choices because we have different circumstances.
I have seen comments like OP mentioned on FB, but I don't let it bother me.
I can't get worked up about this.
I find it odd in general that anyone praises another adult for their choices and decisions. My mom will occassionally say in a slightly pitying manner that she's so impressed by everything I'm doing and she knows how "hard" it is, etc. Eh, my life is just a regular working mom life - kid, job, house, marriage, commute, etc. - I'm juggling a lot, but its not like I'm working in a coal mine or something. Similarly, I know there are stresses and challenges to being a stay at home mom, but I wouldn't fawn over their choice either. I assume each woman is doing her best for herself and her family and whatever other people want to infer from that is a separate issue.
I grew up in a family of working moms (my mom & all of my aunts). So no one in my family says anything, they mainly commiserate with me about how hard it is. But I have also gotten the condescending comments from a few SAHM too. It comes with the territory.
The way I see it, my daughter is growing up seeing a working mom who can support us both just fine. If the unfortunate were to happen (like divorce), there would be no worries about making ends meet because mommy got this!
This. Many people comment how wonderful it is that DH can SAH with our children. I think he does a great job with them, but I bet he wouldn't get half the comments he gets if he was a SAHM.
I try hard not to take offense to comments about me working. It's difficult.
I have a friend who decided she wanted to be a SAHM after her son was born, our son's are about a month apart. She looked at me and said "I would sacrifice everything to stay at home as it's so much better for him". Then she gave me that "look". I had to bite my tongue to prevent myself from spewing out some verbal venom.
Cooper: 11/20/11
Julian: EDD 8/1/16
PCOS & Endo. w/ DOR
The two SAHMs I'm closest to receive State assistance (i.e., welfare, health benefits).
No thanks. I think I'll be a contributing member to society. However, if I could afford to stay home and you know, still pay rent and buy food, I would consider it.
I had a lot of negative comments at first from the ILs. Not on purpose, really, they just didn't understand why I was going back to work when I could have stayed home or how I was going to be able to pull it off.
Most of my friends are childless but do plan to keep working post-baby. In fact, I have been told before that I'm lucky I can keep working since my job pays more than the cost of daycare.
This "Mommy Wars" really has to stop. As long as each family is doing the best they can, that's all that matters---whether they are at home full time, working part-time, work at home, or work full time.
When I was a SAHM all I kept hearing was "You're not working?" "When are you going back to work?"
Now as a WOHM I hear some indirect negative comments as well.
As another poster mentioned, we all have to be comfortable and happy with our decision. No two moms, children, or families are identical, so we're going to be doing different things.
Well, when you work part time, you kind of get caught in the middle of the crossfire. I work, but not enough to commiserate fully with the working moms, and I home often, so the SAHM groups think I fit in with them, but the truth is....I am just happy to be doing what works for me and our family right now.
I always feel like I am defending something; either I don't work enough or I am not home enough, no matter who is doing the asking/judging. I don't let it get to me.