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Stay at Home Moms
mrs.mastro
member
does your DH "babysit"?
mrs.mastro
member
DH does not stay home with DS alone very often while I go out by myself. I have Mom's Day Out to rely on a few times a week, and I like to be with DH when he is not working too. But anytime DH is home with DS, MIL refers to it as "babysitting." The other day DH called her on speaker while he was playing with DS and I heard her ask if he was babysitting. I wanted to shout, "Dads do not babysit their own children!" It drives me nuts. I just feel like the way she says it insinuates that he should not have to do that. She is 66 and FIL was a pilot so not home very often, and I doubt that he watched the kids when he was. Should I ask DH to say sometime the next time it comes up or let it go?
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Re: does your DH "babysit"?
I personally wouldn't find it a big enough deal that I would ask DH to say something. Lord knows, my MIL says a ton of things that irritate me -- my DH could be having little chats with her every time she visited. If you want to make your point, put on a big smile and say something like, "Yes, isn't it great that dads today spend so much time with their children?" when she refers to him babysitting.
As long as you and he are on the same page that taking care of his own children is not babysitting, I think you're good.
This!
I hate that. NO, DH does not babysit his own kids. They are his children for goodness sake. Am I babysitting them when I am with them all day?
In addition- DH would also be really irritated if someone suggested he was babysitting them. As if he is somehow less of a parent than I am. And if his mother said something like that to him, he'd probably respond with "No, I'm not babysitting them. I am taking care of them. What parent babysits their own child?!" But he has recently become the type to call his mother out on things like that. I can't imagine her saying that to him, though.
I agree.
Personally- it wouldn't bother me (longer than 2 seconds). So for me- I would eyeroll it and move on.
If it bothers you- why don't you say something to her.
A while back I was on the bump and DH was reading over my shoulder and he saw a post similar to this one. Everyone was talking about how it's called parenting when the dad is watching the child and not babysitting. Ever since he read that, he makes a special point of saying that he's babysitting when he's going to be alone with the kids. He thinks he's sooo funny.
I would be annoyed by your situation, but I don't think it's bad enough to ask DH to say something to your MIL.
Ditto this, my H would be so offended if anyone said that to him
DS 3.12.08
DD 7.11.09
DD 8.01.13
I would say something to her!
DH takes care of the kids alone, regularly. I do not leave babies with him just because I always BF.
That annoys the hell out of me, and DH.
Funny story, DH took DD to the store with him one day and the cashier (an older lady) said something along the lines of how nice it was of him to babysit so that his wife could take a break. He said that he corrected her and she got all embarrassed. DH was a SAHD for just over a year so that kind of stuff really rubs him wrong.
If anyone in our family said it, it might irk me but I wouldn't take offense to it.
But no, I don't consider (and he doesn't either) him watching the kids "babysitting." He "watches the kids" when I need him to, just like I "watch the kids" while he works.
The wording she is using is poor but I'd probably let it go.
My husband is the same way.
Off B.C. Jan '06, started charting Feb '08, 2% morphology and PCOS, no O with meds,
IVF w/ICSI only option to conceive.
Licensed Foster Parents 07.11
Miracle BFP 7.20.11 1st beta 6,274! EDD 3.17.12
Miracle Baby born March 5, 2012 . 6lbs 1oz, 19 3/4"
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Yeah, that kinda irks me, but I wouldn't necessarily say anything about it. It's probably just the word she uses to ask if he's alone with LO. ... although she would never ask if YOU were babysitting. lol
As far as if DH "babysits".... not often. Yesterday I really had to go get groceries, DH was home and DD was sick so he stayed with her while I went out by myself. That has only really happened a hand full of times ever where DH has needed to stay with her by himself for me to go somewhere alone. I wish it were more often, but DH works an odd shift and I hate to ask on the weekends because he's always exhausted and trying to get his "man chores" done around the house. lol
Agreed. I likely wouldn't make it an issue with MIL if DH and I were on the same page. It's likely a generational thing for MIL; even if FIL hadnt been a pilot who was away a lot, it's not super likely he would have been responsible for the kids by himself much.
This. My MIL likes to give my H kudos for being such a great dad. She brags that he, "Changes her diapers, puts her to bed, feeds her and everything!" *eyeroll*
FYI, he is an amazing dad, but not because he does the things every parent should do for their kids!
Exactly what I was thinking. Honestly, just let it go.
This is the kind of thing I would like him to say. I don't want him to yell at her and say it annoys me or do anything to start drama.
But thanks everyone for the thought-provoking comments. I should get over it because I actually have a good relationship with MIL, but it is like the one thing that really irks me!
When H tells friends he can't come out (usually a drink and dinner over a game) because he is home with LO so I can get some things done, they refer to it as babysitting... H corrects anyone who refers to him as that! It's so cute to listen in
It's usually a call to invite him, he explains he can't go, and they call him "babysitting". He literally says, "I'm not the babysitter of my own child. I am simply staying home so that my wife can go out and do some things without getting him out and having to take even longer."
I cannot stand it! UHHHHH!
No, it is called Parenting. My DH is only home 3 days a month and when he is home with the kids by himself I would never refer to it as babysitting. He is doing his part by caring for his children, I just do it most of the time until he retires (he is active duty military).
Your MIL is probably just uneducated in parenting today. Not a slam, just saying when she was raising children I am sure she did consider her husband to be babysitting because he probably didn't do much of the child raising. I think with both parents working in most families these days it is completely normal to expect the spouse to care for his children as being part of the family. Even though we choose not to work and stay home does not mean our spouses do not take part in the child care when they are home. It is part of being in a modern family. Everyone takes part and does their fair share. At least that is how it is in my house.
It is not something I would make a fuss over with your MIL, just roll your eyes and go about your day.