s/o tacky wedding etiquette

Kitiara5512 · March 2012

I love my bff. At her wedding two months ago, I found that she had ordered a chicken meal with bacon mashed potatoes and greenbeans with bacon. DH was telling the server not to serve him (DH) anything because then C would want to eat and couldn't because he is Muslim (no eating off any plate with a pork product on it). The server brought an extra bowl of plain mashed potatoes. Bff asked me why C wasn't eating the regular plate and I had to remind her. Apparently there were a couple of vegetarians at the reception too, because they also didn't eat anything. I was so pissed, but had already been mad at the biitch-bride and I got over it the same day although I still find it rude. Keep in mind, the wedding was at 2, reception at 4, and C was there from 130 until 6. DH brought some crackers for him to snack on, but nothing else because everyone was expecting a meal. C's presence was specifically requested by the bride.

So what say you, 12-24, was she rude/thoughtless in her wedding planning, or am I just sensitive?

dangerkitty102 · March 2012

I think it's insensitive to have zero vegetarian options. At our wedding, we had a mashed potato and macaroni and cheese station, with meat options (like bacon) to mix in but you could also get without, and a large roasted veggie display - so I figured that should keep everyone satisfied.

Comet4658 · March 2012

I made sure there was a vegetarian option at my wedding and also the salad was vegetarian.

Nowadays it is rude not to consider vegetarians. Vegan and other dietary concerns (not eating pork) etc is not as common and is difficult to have food that will please everyone. I would ask people in advance to see if they can accommodate special dietary concerns. I don't see why the caterer couldn't bring a plain chicken breast either, or plain green beans (unless the food was pre-made/ pre-mixed)

So yes she was rude not to think of her guests. My BFF was a complete bridezilla on her wedding day and our relationship has never been the same since, so I guess yours wasn't so bad.

LilyRose28 · March 2012

Very rude, imo. We had options for Beef, Chicken, Seafood, Vegetarian, and Kids (chicken tenders). We also had courses that included soup, salad, fruit... I forget what else, but we made sure there was (hopefully) something for everyone. If we'd had any guests that I knew had severe allergies or religious beliefs regarding food, I would have made sure to make special arrangements for them.

and now for something completely different · March 2012

Our rsvp stated to let us know if they were any special dietary needs. We knew most of them already, but I didn't want to forget anyone. Even if someone doesn't go that far, who doesn't provide a vegetarian option these days?

Kitiara5512 · March 2012

Lol, I am not steaming about it in the least, but the other wedding etiquette post made me think about it. I think this is the only wedding I have been to where no options were provided. The wedding was no kids, but C was specifically invited along with maybe 5 other kids under 6 if you include the bride's two kids. I was MOH, and all I knew about food was that it was kid friendly and there would be an option of chicken or vegetarian.

A high school friend got married at her church and had a tiny reception. As in just had a "tea party" with little sandwiches and cold cuts with crackers, veggie and fruit trays, apple juice and iced tea. Even that has options. A coworker did the same thing, and added cookies and mini cupcakes in addition to the wedding cake.

For our wedding at an Indian restaurant, dinner served 30-45 minutes after the ceremony was over. Beef kabobs, chicken biryani, a garbanzo bean curry dish, and daal (lentil curry) with sweet rice, accompanied with grilled veggie kabobs, lots of naan, and rice with veggies. We only had a couple of vegetarians, but we wanted to be sure everyone had something available, including DH's family that was completely unfamiliar with Indian food. Gulab jamun, kheer, and wedding cake for dessert. So to go to a wedding with no options after someone fussed and wanted to be sure you were there, odd. We have been friends for a long time, and she is well aware of C's only dietary restriction and is normally very courteous about it.

kg_08 · March 2012

Yeah, there should have been a vegetarian option, but I think you're blowing it out of proportion and being a little petty. Did you go over the menu with the bride before you went? I'm guessing not. You should have brought him more than crackers just in case and shouldn't be pissed at the bride because she wanted to eat the food that she likes on her special day.

LadyExtravaganza · March 2012

Scout2005:
I can't think of any wedding I've attended, even small ones, in the last five years that didn't offer a vegetarian option. Even if it was just something simple like pasta and veggies.
I mean, I wouldn't really be steaming about it months after the fact or anything, but it's too bad she didn't consider the needs of all of her guests.

This.

At my wedding, we had beef and seafood as the main options, but also vegetarian and children's meals. I haven't been to a wedding that offered no vegetarian option.

gisa886 · March 2012

My cousin was a vegetarian at the time of our wedding and my mom hates cheese so we made sure we chose things they could eat. Ours was a buffet with limited options, but it turned out well. I think your friend was pretty inconsiderate.

Smootchy · March 2012

First, bacon upon bacon sounds gross to me... So bad choice on her part.

But yes, it's completely rude to not think of your guests dietary obligations/wishes. I knew we had a few veg's at our wedding (and my shower) mos def had delicious food for them!

shakes · March 2012

mbenit4:
I'm confused if he is Muslim couldn't he have the chicken with mash potatoes with no bacon like the waiter did. I didn't think muslim meant vegetarian? I thought a couple of friends from college who were Muslim ate meat but not pork. So what if you don't know any vegetarians is an option more than salad expected?

Yes. You may assume you don't know vegetarians but that may not be the case. My neighbors were the last people I expected to be vegetarians, esp after knowing them for 3 years. But when the RSVP came back, they both requested vegetarian meals. Also, people bring guests who may not eat meat. My friend's bf is weird about eating meat he hasn't cooked so chooses vegetarian instead, when out. In Kit's case, C needed a vegetarian meal due to his religion.

It's just common courtesy to do so.

chach916 · March 2012

OP, I'm curious, I think I remember you saying once before that C is Muslim but you and your DH are not. Am I remembering correctly? Just wondering why this is?

etude de la vie · March 2012

I think it is rude but I special ordered a kids meal for every kid at the wedding. We had a black-tie very mature dinner (not many guests) and I knew kids wouldn't want to eat black truffle risotto. I ordered pasta for the kids

emsumm · March 2012

To the pp who asked, he can't eat any food on a plate that had pork, or that was cooked in the same pan as pork, or was served with pork. Kosher laws are the same.

xmanmama2010 · March 2012

chach916:
OP, I'm curious, I think I remember you saying once before that C is Muslim but you and your DH are not. Am I remembering correctly? Just wondering why this is?

this had me confused as well

KJmashup · March 2012

chach916:
OP, I'm curious, I think I remember you saying once before that C is Muslim but you and your DH are not. Am I remembering correctly? Just wondering why this is?

Kitiara, please to answer this? Several of us have asked about this before.

ABColeslaw · March 2012

I think its a little rude. She was probably overwhelmed with wedding planning and stuff. Rude yes, but I wouldn't get super pissed about it for months and months.

When I bring Asher places, even if its requested, I always bring more than enough food for him. Not because I think I should have to, but to keep myself from being annoyed when there is nothing he can eat.

I did provide for vegitarians and vegans at my wedding, but mistakes were still made despite my best intentions. Crap happens, people can be thoughtless, or absent minded, not worth stewing in anger.

HappyMama2011 · March 2012

As a vegetarian, I wouldn't be insulted if a reception card didn't offer a veg option but I would reach out to the couple about our dietary restrictions before the big day. I generally try to go out of my way not to be a hastle for my meat eating friends and family but I used to cater weddings a long time ago. I know that it isn't a big deal to have these types of meals available and they don't cost more money.

If my child had dietary restrictions, I would absolutely have a back up meal in the diaper bag.

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