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Blended Families
hterry85
member
No update but a question re modification
hterry85
member
No new changes yet regarding the name issue or getting the CO changed. But we got our copy of the letters from our lawyer on Sat, so we know BM got hers too since she lives a lot closer to the lawyer. I'm sure any encounters with her from here on out will be anything but pleasant!
But my question is about changing the driving. Per the original CO (never actually went to a judge, they agreed on all of it) DH does 100% of the driving. It was a horrible mistake for him to agree to to that, but his lawyer at the time basically wrote everything telling him it was standard. We have both moved since that was written, but live approximately the same distance (about 40 minutes) The new lawyer says if she doesn't agree to this change (she won't) fighting it in court could go either way. Basically with the reasoning that DH technically proposed the first CO, nothing has changed significantly, and it's been 5 years. I know states/judges are all different, but any thoughts on this? The only agrument we can come up with is that each time he is with us he gets to spend that extra 40 minutes at our house rather than in the car, but then they could come back and say thats 40 less minutes he gets to spend at BMs because he's in the car with her instead, so not much.
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Re: No update but a question re modification
It does vary by state and what the precident is...
our CO states that DH does the driving, when we go back to court we are going to ask a judge to split the driving, simply to make it "fair".
are you asking to split driving or have BM do it all? I think you have a good shot of asking for the driving to be split. theres not really good reasons why, but theres not really any good reasons why not....
Yes, we're asking for split, whoever is getting him is the one the drives. More than anything this will really help out at the holidays. having SS 40 minutes away by 9 am when we have other kids to get ready and other places to go is always really hectic. And it's just the icing on the cake to see BM still in her pjs when we drop him off.
And while we couldn't use this as a reason, I'm pretty sure in the long run we would get a little more time with him at holidays, especially the non major ones, simply because BM wouldn't want to drive that early.
I agree that it could go either way.
On one hand, what YH is proposing is more fair. But as I understand it, some judges weigh precedent pretty heavily.
Is there anything else to count in your favor? Are there new jobs/different work hours that make it easier for her to do part of the driving? Does she have a car now that she didn't have before?
I completely sympathize with the frustration of being the one to do all the driving. BM didn?t have a vehicle for a year and a half so we did all the transportation. Thankfully she only lives about 5 minutes from us so it wasn?t a ton of time spent in the car. But it was really inconvenient at times: trying to get the other 2 kids in the car when it was time to leave, getting kids up extra early for the 8 a.m. drop off on certain Holidays just to find that BM wasn?t awake and no one would answer the door, etc. My husband?s CO states that he (or anyone he designates) is responsible for all transportation unless and until BM purchases a vehicle or gains access to a vehicle. If and when she gets a vehicle, the parent who is "receiving" K does the transportation. Now that she has a car, she picks up from us which is nice.
I think splitting the transportation is fair, especially since you?ve been doing all the driving for quite awhile. Especially considering the distance. Another option is to have a "halfway" meeting place (a mall, park, restaurant, etc.) that way both parents are doing equal driving each time.
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Why do you do all the drop offs? Is your H working?
You could be a candidate for a meeting spot or splitting the driving. In order for me to pick up SS (before we had custody) on Friday nights I had to use 30 minutes of vacation time (my boss was a b!tch) to get him by 6. Our laywer said that you should not be using vacation time to make a meet time.
Just a thought.
Yeah he has to be at work at 6:30 and we both work on the opposite end of town from where SS goes to school. I'm considering switching jobs (for other reasons, not just that one) and finding something closer to him/us.
And traffic in Houston is typically a nightmare too.
I would love to have it changed to 50%. We live 2-2.5 hours away from BM (depending on traffic). Picking SD up after work on a Friday night, and dropping her back off Sunday night makes for a lot of driving in such a short period of time.
ETA: DH does not have a formal CO, nor anything in writing (though I think it would be a good idea to change that).