Community› The Bump Message Boards› LGBT Parenting
LGBT Parenting
New Discussion

*2moms2twins*

2mommiesinoh2mommiesinoh
in LGBT Parenting
I read your response to the baby signing and had to send out a reply from our own personal experiences. Ky calls Ann dada by her choice. She started out calling everyone dada then it became specific to Ann and has stuck. She calls me mama. Ann has had some on and off trans feelings but like you has never expressed an interest in trasitioning. As far as the future goes whatever Ky calls her dada is entirely up to her. If she keeps calling her that then we are all fine with it. Ann's family side-eyed it at first but they are coming to terms with it being Ky's way of distinguishing us. My family could care less what she calls each of us and just went with the flow. As far as outsiders, I have already had an experience. Ky and I were staying with my friend (K) in IN and I had dada on speaker phone to say night night to Ky and some of K's friends were over and were a bit confused as to why dada was a girl. K spoke up before I could and was like "I see you are a bit confused as to why dada is a girl. Ky has two mommies and she calls one of them dada. She has done it since she was little." It was addressed in such a nonchalant way that it defused the situation from being a  big deal. When Ky is older if she chooses to continue the dada/mama thing, we will handle it the same way I do now with the sitter. Everyone has special names for their parents. Some use mommy/daddy, mom/dad, mommy/mama, etc. Ky calls her mommies mama and dada; it is her special name for us.
imageLilypie Third Birthday tickers
Report Reply to Post

Re: *2moms2twins*

  • norika33norika33

    Sorry to butt in on this convo, I just wanted to say: My good friend and her partner have their daughter call her partner "dad" and "dada" as well, and yes, folks side eye a little, but then they move on. The way I've seen it go is that since the couple is queer/genderqueer anyway, people kind of write off what we call each other.

    My kids call me "momma", and Erika "mommie"- but have said "dad" to me in public, just out of hearing the word, and I'm pretty femme and folks get confused. But hey, I kinda like confusing people :-) 

    image Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Second Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • Alysia82Alysia82 member
    I have to share this with my wife tonight. 
    My Blog
    Report Reply
  • mypalbabsmypalbabs member

    I'm xp-ing my response to the original conversation here, because it's relevant!

    My partner doesn't identify as trans.  She identifies as female, as a lesbian, yet prefers "Poppy" (for our potential future baby - we're still TTC). I think she didn't chose "dada" or "daddy" because she doesn't identify as a father... just not quite as a mother, either!

    She has a lot of butch characteristics - wears ties to work each day, that sort of thing.  And even though she was our only choice to carry a biological child (I'm 42 and had a hysterectomy in my 20s), I think she still would have wanted to do it even if I could have.

    I don't worry too much about how we'll be received at school and other kid activities.  We've always just rolled along and have never encountered any unpleasantness.  (And we're definitely out wherever we go.)

    We've been lucky in that sense.  But I think part of our success is going into situations assuming everything will be fine and sometimes that's enough to put folks at ease.

     

    The word you're looking for is SEX.  I promise.  No, it's not gender.  It's sex.  You're welcome.
    Report Reply
  • 2moms2twins2moms2twins

    awesome ... Thanks you everyone for sharing it was enlightening and I would love to revisit this when the kids are older to see if things have stayed the same.  I am just so interested in this. 

    I will reply specifically to each  but just wanted to say THANK YOU  for all who chimed in .. Now I have so many more questions!!!!

    - 2 Moms 2 Twins Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    our Blog -http://dosbabies.wordpress.com/
    image
    Report Reply
  • 2moms2twins2moms2twins

    image2mommiesinoh:
    I read your response to the baby signing and had to send out a reply from our own personal experiences. Ky calls Ann dada by her choice. She started out calling everyone dada then it became specific to Ann and has stuck. She calls me mama. Ann has had some on and off trans feelings but like you has never expressed an interest in trasitioning. As far as the future goes whatever Ky calls her dada is entirely up to her. If she keeps calling her that then we are all fine with it. Ann's family side-eyed it at first but they are coming to terms with it being Ky's way of distinguishing us. My family could care less what she calls each of us and just went with the flow. As far as outsiders, I have already had an experience. Ky and I were staying with my friend (K) in IN and I had dada on speaker phone to say night night to Ky and some of K's friends were over and were a bit confused as to why dada was a girl. K spoke up before I could and was like "I see you are a bit confused as to why dada is a girl. Ky has two mommies and she calls one of them dada. She has done it since she was little." It was addressed in such a nonchalant way that it defused the situation from being a  big deal. When Ky is older if she chooses to continue the dada/mama thing, we will handle it the same way I do now with the sitter. Everyone has special names for their parents. Some use mommy/daddy, mom/dad, mommy/mama, etc. Ky calls her mommies mama and dada; it is her special name for us.

    This is awesome that your friend just explained it so matter of fact - I think its awesome and you clearly have a RAD friend ... but because I over think things .. what if your friend was not so awesome ... is what i wonder and worry about .   I love how you pieced it together with the special name. Thanks for sharing

     PS. i know i lag but working on getting something out to you snail mail 

    - 2 Moms 2 Twins Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    our Blog -http://dosbabies.wordpress.com/
    image
    Report Reply
  • 2moms2twins2moms2twins
    imagenorika33:

     The way I've seen it go is that since the couple is queer/genderqueer anyway, people kind of write off what we call each other.

    My kids call me "momma", and Erika "mommie"- but have said "dad" to me in public, just out of hearing the word, and I'm pretty femme and folks get confused. But hey, I kinda like confusing people :-) 

    not a butt in at all - I want as much input and feedback as I can get  and i totally get the since we are Queer couple anyhow that people write it off ... some lady told me I look great for having twins .. ( WHO SAYS THAT ANYHOW) and then i smiles and I should hope because my wife did all the hard work  and then she walked away and did not talk to me the rest of the day /night ( we were at a conference) come to find out she was very RELIGIOUS

    but I agree with the I like confusing people also  - especially with the dumb people who inquire about the twins ... ARE THEY YOURS? Me: NO, I just took them from two stores down.   one day Melanie swears I am gonna get arrested

     

     

    - 2 Moms 2 Twins Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    our Blog -http://dosbabies.wordpress.com/
    image
    Report Reply
  • 2moms2twins2moms2twins
    imagemypalbabs:

    I'm xp-ing my response to the original conversation here, because it's relevant!

    My partner doesn't identify as trans.  She identifies as female, as a lesbian, yet prefers "Poppy" (for our potential future baby - we're still TTC). I think she didn't chose "dada" or "daddy" because she doesn't identify as a father... just not quite as a mother, either!

    She has a lot of butch characteristics - wears ties to work each day, that sort of thing.  And even though she was our only choice to carry a biological child (I'm 42 and had a hysterectomy in my 20s), I think she still would have wanted to do it even if I could have.

    I don't worry too much about how we'll be received at school and other kid activities.  We've always just rolled along and have never encountered any unpleasantness.  (And we're definitely out wherever we go.)

    We've been lucky in that sense.  But I think part of our success is going into situations assuming everything will be fine and sometimes that's enough to put folks at ease.

     

    Thanks for the response  and good luck on the TTC  wild ride!!!!  Its so crazy and amazing and taxing  in my opinion ... then you have a child and all of that seems to get blurred out !

    - 2 Moms 2 Twins Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    our Blog -http://dosbabies.wordpress.com/
    image
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"