Jill, or others that have lived with parents

KYRN · March 2012

It looks like we sold our house yesterday pending inspection and all that jazz so we're moving forward with building our new home. We'll (hopefully) be moving in with my parents for about 6 months while we build.

How do we set ground rules to differentiate living there vs. visiting grandma and grandpa (for both the kids and grandparents)? Did you set a schedule for evenings/dinners etc (ex: eat together every night or eat separately on Monday/Thursday) ? Did you shop separately for food? I just want to have an idea of what works and what doesn't before we sit down with my parents to discuss the living arrangements.

JillRock96 · March 2012

Congrats on selling your house!

We did not really set any rules/guidelines, and that is what made it difficult. We had only planned to stay for a month or two, and it turned into four. At first, the grandparents would do their usual "no rules at grandma's house" routine, but they saw pretty quickly how much that negatively affected the girls' behavior, so they got on board. The shopping/cooking was never really clarified. My in-laws bought most of the essentials, and we pitched in with special stuff that we liked (to share, of course) or stuff for the girls. We kind of worked out in the morning who would cook that afternoon, which was hard for me because I am a shop-once-a-week kind of girl. Same thing with cleaning -- my idea of clean is not the same as my MIL's idea, so I spent a lot of time cleaning the house. But, we made it work.

Since you know it is going to be kind of long-term, my recommendation would be to set the rules ahead of time. Decide what rules you really do not want broken (such as bedtime or not eating snacks before meals) and really push those. Determine who will be paying for what, who will be cleaning when, etc. Overall, it was a good experience, and we are very grateful to have had the option. But, there were challenges, too, and I do think a lot of them could have been worked out with some foresight and planning.

mmttc1b · March 2012

No advice to give just wanted to congratulate you in selling your house. Have fun with the building process. Are you building from scratch and drawing the plans? How exciting.

LisaMarisa · March 2012

Congratulations!

When I told people we were going to be living with my parents for a year, most were shocked and warned me that it was going to be horrible. We loved it and were sad to leave (although thrilled to be in our new house).

We decided that we would buy the groceries and that would be our contribution to the house. We werent paying rent or anything like that so we wanted to find some other way to contribute. I also cooked dinner every night since I SAH and both of my parents work. And since both of my parents work, the house wasnt crowded, there werent conflicts and we werent in each others space. We had the front living room and they had the back family room so I was never stressed about keeping the toys put away or cleaning or anything like that. We also had our own bedroom, a bedroom for DS and our own bathroom. So we were responsible for those rooms but my mom took care of cleaning the rest of the house. Obviously, we were considerate and didnt leave messes around in the main part of the house though. DH helped with some outside work on the weekends.

As for rules for the kids, my parents knew that they couldnt spoil DS every day. If they needed to discipline him, they would, though they never overstepped or told me that I was doing something wrong. That said, my mom would offer suggestions if I asked her for advice, etc. For the most part, they managed to be grandparents and let us be the parents. They were comfortable telling him "No" but I was usually around to take care of problem behavior. I will say that leaving that house was a bit of a reality check for DS because he was used to having all of these people around to tend to his every whim, so there was a bit of an adjustment.

We feel really lucky that we had such a great experience. DS got to spend a ton of time with his grandparents (who adore him) and we were able to save a butt load of money for our next house. Also, we had DD while we were there and it was nice to have some extra help while I was pregnant and she was a newborn. Plus, I love my parents and my mom is my best friend so I loved spending time with them as an adult rather than a child, KWIM?

Good luck!

KYRN · March 2012

Thanks everyone!

The only holdup for us is that my brother is currently living there but hopefully will be moving out soon. We will have our own bathroom and DS can have a room to himself, the only problem will be that our bedroom will be in the basement and DS would be upstairs. I think it will work fine for us, we already spend a lot of time with them (they currently live in our neighborhood).

I also don't think them trying discipline will be an issue, possibly lack of discipline but I think living there they'll be more on board if we're there all the time. I don't think it will be too bad and with DH's work schedule it will probably be beneficial for me b/c I end up solo parenting a lot depending on what schedule he's on at the time.

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Jill, or others that have lived with parents

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