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1st Trimester
positive test, when tell husband?
My period is a day late, so I took a pregnancy test (well, four). They read positive. The line is lighter than the control line, but they're all positive.
Do I tell my husband right away or do I wait until I have confirmation from the doctor? I read that a lot of pregnancies miscarry early on, and I don't want to freak my husband out for no reason. I don't think he'll be totally upset or totally happy, but it'll be a lot to process. This wasn't totally planned (or carefully avoided, obviously). Should I wait until I see a doctor for confirmation? My friend's doctor wouldn't even set an appointment for her until 6 weeks ... I sure don't want to wait THAT long to tell my husband!
What's the merciful thing to do in this case?
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Re: positive test, when tell husband?
First of all, congratulations!
And I would tell right away. I told my husband each time I got a positive test right away. I miscarried the first two times, and I could not have gotten through such a difficult time without my husband's support.
Also, my doctor doesn't schedule the first appointment until 7 weeks so there is no way I could have kept that a secret that long. He would have noticed something was up when I was falling asleep at 8 and turning down pretty much every item of food he offered me.
MUD = Made Up Drama
Um, go tell your husband.
Well, he's out of town until tomorrow night anyway. I wasn't going to wait weeks to tell him, for heaven's sake.
And what's with the Made Up Drama thing? I don't think this is an obvious question that only drama queens could ask. I'm reading here that a faint line could mean a miscarriage in a few days, and that 20-30 percent of pregnancies miscarry. My husband has a lot of stress lately, and I'm not sure I should add to it right away knowing there is a fair chance it all could change in a few days. I'd tell him about a miscarriage no matter what. It just wasn't obvious to me that he needs to go on that roller coaster in real time.
what is this, 1952? Go tell your husband!
Information lacking from your first post.
Tell him when he gets home from the trip if you want to tell him in person. Many doctors don't even do blood confirmation tests anymore since HPTs are very accurate these days.
Sorry to stretch your imagination with my 1952 drama queen question.
Haha... sorry ladies, but I totally understand this question. AND your response as well.
When I found out unexpectedly from my Dr that I was pregnant... I asked her "When am I supposed to tell my husband"? It just came out.... and I honestly needed an answer! Our pregnancy was a surprise, and I wasn't sure just what he was going to think. My Dr. told me I should tell him when I'm ready.
Anyway, I got out of the clinic... unsure what to do or think next, and then suddenly it hit me. I'M PREGNANT!!! I screamed and laughed my head off in the car, and then couldn't WAIT to get home to tell him.
Turns out, he didn't seem half as shocked as I was, and has been so excited since. (I thought he wanted to wait a few years, but you wouldn't have known that from his response!)
Now, we kind of laugh at my bewildered question. But it made perfect sense to me at the time, and definitely wasn't MUD.
Congratulations on your pregnancy! Go spill the beans to him when he gets home!
Sorry, I thought when I hit "reply" to an individual post it would appear adjacent to that post.
I've never posted on this board before. Obviously.
Hit the "quote" button.
I had light lines in the beginning too. Don't stress about that being a sign of miscarriage. Now if your lines get darker and darker and then one day next week and there is no second line then maybe you should worry. Either way, try not to stress too much. There isn't anything you can do to prevent a miscarriage if it's going to happen anyways (sometimes they happen no matter how well you take care of yourself, how well you eat, taking your vitamins).
My DH was out of town when I got my positive test, so I told him over Skype
this.
It's your husband. Tell him NOW. What if God forbid something bad did happen... would you never tell him just to spare his feelings?
I told DH immediately. I ran out in the living room and told him. With DS I called him at work and told him. The only reason I see to not tell immediately is if A) you want to announce it in a special way or
you want to wait until you see him in person like he's out of town or something.
Thank you to those of you who actually tried to understand.
I want to say something. Just because someone has a feeling you can't relate to, it doesn't mean you are right and they are wrong. They may just have a different life than you have, and a different point of view. It doesn't mean they are a mud person from 1952.
Anyway, thanks for your help, those of you who tried. I have read enough to make a decision. Thanks for your understanding in the hours after I found out I'm pregnant. I'm so glad the rest of you have everything figured out.
I'm going to rejoin the mortals now.
Really?? Look, I am going to be as nice as possible here. The issue regarding MUD, is that unfortunately there are people out there that get their joy from creating fake accounts and posting dumb stuff to get a rise out of the regular posters. Seems silly, but it happens, and so the ladies on this site are on the fence every time a question comes up that is out of the ordinary.
I will admit that I too rolled my eyes after reading your question.. and I will actually tell you why. If you had said it was your boyfriend, I would not have reacted that way, and I am sure most of the other posters would not have either. But he is your HUSBAND, someone that you chose out of all the other men in the world to be your one and only, your best friend, your soul mate, your life partner. To me that means you need him to be with you every step of the way.
Pregnancy is hard even leaving out the statistics of miscarriage. It is difficult to get through for most women. The sickness, the body changes, and the emotional aspect are all very difficult to go through, and to go through them alone while keeping a "secret" (yes, by intentionally waiting to tell him I would consider it a secret) would be even more stressful. I am only 4 weeks in and my face looks like I am 15 again, I can't walk into a different room without smelling something that makes me gag, and I am so bloated my pants don't fit!
I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you are scared and that maybe this pregnancy was unexpected. (Sorry if I am wrong about this) I would recommend that you tell your husband as soon as he gets home from out of town. He has a right to know, and you have a right to have him beside you every step of the way.
Good luck.
I absolutely did not say I was planning on keeping a whole pregnancy secret from my husband. Good Lord.
As I said, I was considering waiting to make sure the faint line didn't disappear within a couple of days (per the miscarriage info from the site I linked to above) and to get confirmation from the doctor with a blood test (but apparently that is not normally done now, as a helpful poster explained.
Apparently a lot of people here are too eager to consider other people deserving of eye rolls to actually read the words they have written.
Again, not everyone's marriage is like yours. Not every decision is absolute. Whether I tell my husband tomorrow or on Friday (when he actually has time to talk about it) is not some horrifying question. And don't tell me "Oh, well you didn't post every single detail in your question so as to pre-empt our judgment." I didn't realize I had stumbled into a community where my primary duty was to pre-empt the judgment of others.
I cannot believe this is how a "community" of expectant mothers treats the questions and concerns of some new girl just hours after she learns she is pregnant. Feel free to keep posting on this thread, but I won't be reading it.
OK. So you did the same thing you accused us. I did not say that you were planning on keeping THE WHOLE PREGNANCY a secret!
You asked a question of when to tell your husband. And no you didn't say that you would be telling him in 5 days. So yeah, for us who are reading you question, it is left to speculation as to how long it is going to take you to decide you want to tell him.
And I was referring to your original post when you said you wanted to possibly wait until a doctor confirmed. I guess that was my fault for assuming you knew that a doctor most likely won't see you until you are 8-10 weeks. (See why we need more information??)
I have no assumptions on how your marriage is. I never once compared your marriage to mine or anyone else's. I know nothing of your marriage other than that your husband is out of town. If your marriage is something less than to be desired, then I apologize for that. I sincerely hope things work out for you, especially with a baby on the way.
And as for not reading any further responses. I laugh at that, because it is human nature to want to come back and see if anyone liked or disliked what you had to say. I am not trying to argue with you, but you asked a bunch of internet stranger with a bunch of different personalities that you know nothing about a question. You didn't like the answers so you are saying "good bye cruel world" and leaving.
Oh well. Moot point, I guess?
I think this is the case also. There is no problem whatsoever waiting until tomorrow night or even a couple of days, but as everyone else said, even though your husband has been stressed, I would hope that you would still tell him you had had positive pregnancy tests, for your own mental and physical health, regardless of the outcome. The thought that you wouldn't, I think, is what prompted some of the responses you have gotten thus far.
Ultimately, I guess the answer is, to tell him when you are ready.
BFP 12/19/08- DS born 8/25/09 9lbs2oz via Zavanelli Maneuver
BFP 8/26/11- Missed miscarriage discovered 10/19/11 at 11w2d, measured at 9 weeks gestation w/ no HB. D&C 10/21/11
BFP 3/17/12 at 12dpo CP 3/21/12
BFP 4/23/12 at 10dpo Stick my little one! Beta #1: 83.3 @ 13dpo Beta #2: 197.7 @ 15dpo
Our little man is getting bigger every day!
My BFP Chart
i thought the same thing i had 2 losses b4 this current pregnancy and i wasnt sure i want to tell him jjust in case i lost this one but in the end i realized i want him there for everything even another loss (god forbid) and he told me he was glad i didnt hide it so that he could be there for me emotionally and physically such as cleaning the cat litter so i would tell him he should want to b there for u. also it doesnt matter how dark the line is, the darkness of the line depends on how much dye is in the test, it varies test to test. GOOD LUCK and enjoy ")
Make a pregnancy ticker
This! I 100% agree with you & couldn't imagine not telling him the second I found out! I think it's odd & thought this may be MUD. Don't understand why someone would wait! I sure wouldn't!
Cooper Edward
9.25.12
After our first miscarriage and watching my husband break down into tears in the ER, I thought I'd wait a while to tell him about my second BFP...I don't know what was going through my head exactly, but I think I wanted to protect him from the pain of another loss, and to a certain extent, I figured if I didn't tell anyone, I would protect myself as well if I lost it. I was definitely in a post-loss frame of mind, I had a lot going on, and on top of that, I felt guilty because I'd been drinking and eating poorly in the weeks before I found out, and I was just a mess. I guess I just wanted to be sure the pregnancy was viable before telling him.
That being said, I don't know when I was going to tell him, but I miscarried three days later. I realized soon enough that it was silly for me to hold back from him, because going through a second loss alone wasn't going to be an option for me. I ended up telling him all about it anyway.
Your question may have seemed silly to some, but we all enter pregnancy with different experiences and from different points of view. For some of us, TTC has been a joint effort from the beginning, and for others, it hit them like a freight train. My husband and I are very close, but I understand the need for personal introspection and processing before divulging. Just know that if anything were to happen, you will probably want to confide in him, and starting that process in the beginning will make that easier on both of you. After all, I can't imagine how it was for my husband to hear, "I was pregnant, but I'm miscarrying" all in one breath.
This exactly!