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Family Showers?

cfranklin1cfranklin1
in Attachment Parenting

Hey all.  I'm coming out of lurking to ask this, since I get some weird looks when I ask coworkers, etc.  How old is too old for family showers?  My DS just turned a year old, and I see no problem with it.  My DH is okay with it as well, but worries that we're going to scar him for life.  We've been showering with him about once a month since he was about 5 months old.  It's quicker, saves water, etc., but it's also just family time.  DS likes the water coming out of the shower head, and he loves bath time anyway.

 Anyone have input on this?  I'm going to say that when he starts to actually notice boy/girl parts and vocalize about it, it's time to stop.  For now, he's none the wiser.  

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Re: Family Showers?

  • apple_greenapple_green member

    I think as a baby it's totally fine! I'm not sure when the "cutoff" would be for me, but I know that when I was little I took a bath with my mom almost every day. I remember it, and I had to be close to 7? That may be a bit too old for my preferences, but it's not scarring... it's just quality time together.

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  • AnaKat405AnaKat405

    I think it's really an individual thing for your family.

    I knew about girl and boy parts and even how babies were made (for real, no stork) before I was 2 years old.  This mainly had to do with my little sister.  lol my mom explained to me that there was a baby in her tummy and for whatever reason my reaction was to draw pictures of a monster tearing out of her belly.  Hmm  Or, at least that was what my mom interpreted from my drawings. 

    Anyhow, she got the book Where Did I Come From? read it with me and I knew everything.  I remember showering with my dad around that time period and asking lots of questions about his penis based on what I learned from the book and it's cartoon drawings.  If my recollection serves me well, I'm certain there were no showers with mom or dad anymore after that!

    I was the first born.  My sister and later my brother were not introduced to that book and neither of them showered with our parents.  My guess is if I hadn't been so "well informed" and inquisitive, family showering may have continued a bit longer and they may have been open to it with my siblings.

    Ramblings aside, I guess you can only play it by ear and do what works for your family.  Though, it seems that my parents came to the same conclusion that you have.  :)

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  • raefreraefre member

    Depends on child and parent comfort level.  My dad's family had one shower and they basically participated in family showers into their teens (weird, but this is how I understand it coming from my mom).  In our family it ended when I was probably 4 or 5. My parents stopped walking around our house naked (or in their underwear) when my brother and I asked them to stop; I think seeing my dad go get the Sunday newspaper in his underwear was too much for us. TBH, I don't remember at what age that happened. A friend of mine said she stopped taking a shower with her niece when she asked about her pubic hair.

    In our house, I think we'll stop family showers once kids start recognizing differences.  Same-sex showers might last a bit longer, but not sure how much longer.

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  • MamasaurusMamasaurus member
    For most kids, there is a point where they reach a stage of increased modesty. It's different for every kid. My sister stopped feeling comfortable with nudity around family when she was 5 and saw that the other kids at school remained clothed all day. I stopped wanting caregivers to help me in the bathroom when I was 4. I have friends whose 3 year old prefers to dress herself hidden inside her closet (though they don't usually allow that since if left on her own, she's likely to come out with snow pants and a swimsuit top). If you aren't sure about when to start changing how you do things, it may be ok to simply let your child decide. I don't think you'd get to a situation where you have a kid going through puberty trying to climb in the shower with you.
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  • danienrossdanienross member
    For now DD still showers with DH or I occasionally.  She's just not old enough for me to trust her to be alone in the house while I'm in the shower.  With DH deploying and me having a second baby shortly after, I'm sure we'll be showing together for awhile.  Not sure when she'll stop showering with DH.  We just plan to play it by ear.  They may not shower together anymore after he comes home since she'll be almost three.  We'll just have to wait and see.  I don't think there is one set answer.
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  • ryry1977ryry1977 member
    My DS is 2.5 and I still shower with him.  Not sure when I will stop but not yet.  I remember showering with my dad...don't recall when we stopped either.  I don't think it is wierd at all, they are just kids.  It is easy to get cleaned up like you said and I love it.
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  • terri_doula2010terri_doula2010 member

    At just shy of 2 years old, I see no near end to showering with my son.

     Granted, I also don't think (at this point...it may change) that I'll get to the point of not changing in front of my son (or just walking around half naked occasionally) until he is at least a teen. Maybe not then. I have a friend who has similar opinions about nudity and her 10 year old son still occasionally sees her naked (he doesn't shower with her...that would probably be weird). In their house it is a personal choice, but never a taboo. He always chooses to wear clothing, she doesn't always. No big deal. He is a really well adjusted 10 year old boy.

     When I was a kid I don't remember showering/bathing with my mom, but I do remember going in while she was taking a bath to talk to her sometimes. We'd have great conversations away from dad and my brother and it was nice bonding time, never weird. I did that til I went to college.

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  • babybmombabybmom member
    I am commenting from an iPhone so I can't quote, but I am curious to AnaKat405 if you found yourself more or less comfortable with your body and sex than your siblings or if there was no difference at all? The reason I ask is that everything in my family was always very buttoned up, private, and I have always had body image issues, even at my absolute best. I sex was also never discussed and still to this day is something I am not comfortable discussing in larger groups. I'm just a lurked, but this topic piqued my interest.
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