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1st Trimester
Luckie519
member
Starting to panic about telling my mom on Sunday.....
Luckie519
member
DH and I are telling our folks on Sunday - lunch with my mom and dinner with the ILs. We bought DS a shirt with a big brother dinosaur and a little baby dinosaur that says "I am going to be a big brother!" We are hoping they just pick up on the shirt.
Anyways, I am starting to panic a little bit about telling my mom. I love her to death, but she just sometimes says the wrong thing. She's got a lot going on right now and is a little self absorbed and she says stuff that hurts both me and my sister's feelings. I don't think it is intentional, but still.... I am just worried she may something to upset me. How should I react? Just let it go and ignore it or stand up for myself? We will be out in public. I don't want to cause a scene, but I am just starting to get a little concerned. I am trying to prepare myself for the worse reaction, I guess.
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Re: Starting to panic about telling my mom on Sunday.....
Last time around, we told my ILs first and I think it really hurt my mom's feelings. Our main reason for telling our family so early, really falls on the issue that we were going to be moving closer to my ILs around the 1st of the year. MIL had agreed to watch our DS for us. However, now we are going to have to move our plans forward about 6 months earlier and we have to make sure MIL is find with fine with DS and the baby. A lot of what we do and where we move, depends on MIL. DH seems to think it will not be an issue, but until we talk to her, we can't say for sure.
As soon as we get the "ok" from her, we need to start looking for a place near them. We are probably going to wait to do that until I am out of my first trimester, but even still, we have a lot of things to get done. The place we live in now is way to small for the 3 of us, so it will not work for 4. We need a bigger place.
I am sure my mom will be happy. She just sometimes says things that are so... I don't know... rude. For example, last summer, I said me and DH wanted another baby. She made a comment like "Oh, god, you were such a bit*h the entire time you were pregnant with N." Which is not true. Towards the end, I was miserable, so I probably wasn't very nice, but I was not horrible the whole time. Plus, that was rude to say to begin with!
My mom stresses me out all the time. It gets worse when I'm pregnant. I can totally relate.
We also told both families (in DD's bday party & also with a t-shirt) the same day. I wasn't concerned about my mom specifically that day.
But I do need to prepare myself if I'm going to be with her. And just try to ignore her comments. And think in something else, change subject... etc.
GL!
I hope they pick fast the t-shirt, they took a long time to get it.
It sounds like you're already clear that this is just how your mom is and what she's capable of, so why expect her to all of a sudden be different, and why take it personally? You're just putting yourself under a lot of unnecessary stress.
Yes, in a "perfect" world/family, your mom would be a big ball of love and warm fuzzies, especially when receiving the cute, exciting news about one of her daughters having a baby, but that doesn't sound likely, and you know that. So don't put yourself in knots about it. You already know to expect something unpleasant, so just be prepared to let it roll off your back. You've probably had to do it with other things she's said in the past, so look at this as just another instance. Don't waste your time, energy, and emotions "standing up for yourself" if this is just how your mom is. There are plenty of other people in your life who will have an excited response.