worried about my age???

catmagick · March 2012

People tell me I'm crazy. That there are women who are getting pregnant in their forties nowadays! But is it so crazy to not want to HAVE to do that???? Allow me to explain..... I'm only 32 (33 in May). I didn't even get together with my husband until I was 29. I was just starting grad school, as was he. Both of us were in that "time for a real career" stage of life. Well, now it's almost four years later and I have been working my "real career" for one year, and my husband is working on finishing his thesis which should be either this spring or this summer. I wanted to start TTC right away--like, May--because I definitely want AT LEAST two kids, and I don't want to have to worry about being too old to conceive. My husband has told me we need to get established first, especially since we are looking to relocate this summer and both need to find new jobs. Although it is disappointing, I know he is right. The right thing to do is wait until next fall or winter, after we have relocated and successfully found work. I just worry that it will always be something. I know deep down that I'm being ridiculous, but I can't shake it. Anyone else feeling the same way or have some good "I had a baby at 42!" advice for me?

CaptainD · March 2012

First, I understand how you feel about the age thing...I am 40.

I met my husband super late - 36 - and didn't marry him until I was 37. He had a 2 year old from a previous marriage that I absolutely fell in love with (I never ever wanted kids). I will definitely make our long story short. I had my beautiful daughter at 38 and I am pregnant again with number 2 at 40 (I will be 5 months shy of 41). All tests and ultrasounds show no problems at all and we definitely had no problems conceiving. Sure I think about my age and how I old I will be when my kids are *insert age here*. But I wasn't ready before now and I know that my DH and I are in the best financial and stable place in our lives to support kids.

I highly recommend waiting until you are both settled and ready. The opportunity will be there and it will be as wonderful if not more so when you are!

emikat · March 2012

I'm 41 and will be 42 when I have this baby, my first. I met my DH 2 1/2 years ago and we got married last November. We are both professionals and have stated to each other that it would have been nice to have met earlier and start down this path years ago. We both were previously married and he has a 4 year old son. We both put off having children with our previous partners due to schooling, education and professional reasons and honestly, even though it didn't work out with our exes, I'm not sure that's the best path now being at this point in our lives. Grad school isn't a bad time to have kids. Life gets busier and is less flexible after you get out. I would think about starting now if I were you. That's the decision I would make if I were in your shoes.

ukmisgirl · March 2012

I had my first dd at 35 and I am now pregnant at 43 with our second. Both conceived within a couple of months of trying. I'll be pregnant on our 20yr wedding anniversary in April! I'm ok with how we've done this and spaced our kids, it's not for everyone but we had a lot of great years together child free. We are both in family mode and excited about our new addition.

stever · March 2012

I understand how you feel, though I didn't feel panicked about TTC until my 35th birthday was looming. Just something abut that number, all the hype surrounding it, took me from being all, "I'll probably have a kid, someday, whatever," to, "we NEED to start TTC before I hit 35!!!"

Though I get where you're coming from, it really is a personal choice based on your own personal circumstance. Fertility varies no matter what age you are. I'm one of those obnoxious people that got KU my first month trying with DS(when I was 34/35 - it was exactly at my birthday) and my 2nd month trying with this baby(at 38). There are also awesome women on this board who tried for years to get pregnant and required assistance. It's totally random.

Whatever you decide, good luck to you!

GracieBlue · March 2012

I didn't meet DH until I was 32, got married at 35 and started ttc immediately. I never thought I was going to have children later in life, but that is how is worked out. The time we have had together as a couple has been incredible. I would not have traded it for anything.

This is a new stage of our life, and much later than I would have thought. In the end though it was right for us. I think you need to focus on what is right for you!

shyntrue · March 2012

I didn't meet DH till the month after my 39th birthday. We got married when I was 40. I had premature ovarian failure so, we had to go the donor egg route after a while. So, here I am at 43 (44 next month) and pregnant with twins. I won't lie to you, it has been rough. M/S out the wazoo during the 1st trimester and soooooo tired all the time. Now I've got carpal tunnel in both wrists... If I had it to do all over again, I would have done the Donor eggs sooner. I am also overweight which I think contributes to my tiredness.

Good Luck. My advice is to start trying now. You might not get pg right away anyway.

drbethc · March 2012

I was 29 when my DH and I got married. We were both done with graduate school and was in our careers. We put off kids because we wanted to travel and have time for ourselves. Time flew by and before we knew it, we kept putting kids off until last year, I found myself at 37 and thinking where the heck did the time go. We decided to TTC and got pregnant pretty much right away. We got pregnant the first time I used OPKs. I think the decision is very personal. Only you know what's best for you. Looking back now, do I wish I had kids sooner? Yes, but I have to admit things worked out the way it needed to. I knew I was ready for kids when I felt like there is nothing else that I want for myself and that I'm ready to give everything to my baby. Good luck on your decision!

footnotegirl · March 2012

I met my husband when I was 29 and got married when I was 31. We were having so much fun just being together that time kind of... passed before we knew it. We decided just after Christmas 2010 that we would stop trying not to have a baby, and without any extra effort on our part got pregnant within 5 months (and looking back, it's possible that I had a very early miscarriage in between, as I had an extremely odd period that February). I was 39 at conception and 40 when our little girl was born. Neither my age or his added any complicating factors, and the ones that I did have I would have had if I'd gotten pregnant at 20 rather than 40.

Honestly, considering our lives, I am healthier and have more energy now than I did in any previous decade, and certainly a much more stable, less stressful life. Perhaps you should check with your doctor now to talk about health and whether you have any complicating factors that age might affect. I was lucky in that later pregnancies and late menopause run in my family.

carladillon · March 2012

It's such a hard and personal decision, when to start a family. And things can change so quickly - if we only had a crystal ball.

I'll add my experience as well. I was 36 when DH and I met, 37 when we married and 38 when we had DD. We got pregnant the first try.

Second time was not so easy. We tried for a year on our own, using ovulation predictor sticks. We finally started seeing a specialist, went on fertility drugs, IUI twice and got pregnant in Dec at the age of 40. I will be 41 when I deliver. I had said I didn't want to be older than 40 when I gave birth. But when it wasn't happening like it did the first time, I kept putting the deadline off.

Good luck in your decision. My only regret is I wish DH and I had met sooner so we could have started our family earlier. But I think we are better parents now than we would have been in our 20's or even early 30's.

surprise3rd · March 2012

I was 27 when I met Dh and married when we were 29. I was hugely worried that it would take forever to get pregnant so we started ttc right away. We got pregnant the month after our honeymoon. Then we had a surprise!!!! When my son was 14 months old. My children are 2 years apart almost to the day. Fast forward 5 years later...my IUD failed and at 37, will be 38 I am expecting my 3rd. Looking back on it all, and with hindsight being 20/20 I wish we had waited a year or two after we got married to start our family. We had zero time together to enjoy a double income no children lifestyle where we could travel and do things on a whim.

I DON'T regret my children at all, and hope I am not implying that, i am blessed and always wanted to be a mom and have a family, but we went straight from dating, to engaged, to wedding planning to pregnant. At 37 I have had absolutely no problems with the pregnancy, baby is healthy, growing great etc. and I obviously had zero problems getting pregnant since 2 of my 3 children who I love dearly were suprises:) Do what is right for you, but enjoy the child free days should they be for a few months or a few years.

catmagick · March 2012

What FANTASTIC feedback from you ladies!!! Thank you thank you THANK YOU so much!!! This stuff is all exactly what I needed to hear. I feel better already! :-)

pb_bride · March 2012

~~~~~~lurker here~~~~~~~~

I'm 38 and I'll be 39 when I (FX) deliver my first child. I met my husband when I was 29, got married when I was 32. We didn't TTC until 3 yrs later, never imagined it'd be a problem.

Well, we TTC'd for almost 2+yrs without success, finally decided to go see an RE (I was 36 then). Everything checked out okay; we did multiple cycles with meds and I finally became pregnant last yr when I was 37. However, I had a missed m/c and the path showed partial molar preg, which meant that we had to wait 6 months before trying again.

Last Dec we sat down w/my RE and she really pushed us to IVF b/c of my age. Luckily, I got pg with our first ivf trial. If this pg goes well, I suspect it will be our one and only child. I can't imagine myself going through all the IF treatments again when I'm even older (with an ever rising risk of m/c and chromosomal abnl).

In hindsight, I did wish MH & I had tried TTC sooner &/or RE referral sooner, and not had the assumption that we would get pg right away.

monica92603 · March 2012

I never felt worried about TTC b/c of age. I got married @ 29 and got pg w/ my first @ 31 but had a mc. After that, H and I had some marriage problems and didn't work them out for a few years. Then I got pg @ 34. Had a perfect pg but due to a freak thing, we lost our baby @41w. After that I got worried simply b/c I didn't know if I would ever be able to have a baby.
Five months later I got pg w/ Grace @35 and delivered her right before my 36th birthday.
While I never wanted to lose any baby of course, I have to say, those few years between my first pg and having Grace were a huge difference. We were much more settled, had money to supplement my maternity leave and I was able to take almost 5 months off work b/c of good planning. I never would have been able to do that @ 31. We would have figured it out, but I believe everything happens for a reason.
I'm now pg w/ "#2". I'm 37 and will turn 38 right after I deliver. Again, my plan is to take significant time off of work (24 weeks). I feel very fortunate. I have an upper management job at a great company that has great benefits.
As devistating as things have been, I'm very happy w/ how my life is turning out. God willing if all goes well, this will be our last baby. I'm worried about having more c/s than 3. BUT, I have not totally ruled out maybe doing it agian in like 3-5 years. I'm not worried about the age thing at all. I've been able to conceive on the first try each time. Could that change in the future and could I have problems? Absolutely! but for now, I'm not worried about it. If it's meant to happen, it will.
I love my baby girl more than anything else in the world and I'm so glad that I can give her whatever she needs. You need to do what is right for you but being older/wiser/more settled is definitely a plus in my eyes.

PPL2011 · March 2012

Just my 2 cents...If you're happily married don't wait. Obviously, you want to be in a good place financially (have insurance!) and such but things don't have to be perfect. Things are never perfect. Something will always come in the way.

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