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Family visits

twinkl5379twinkl5379 member
in Blended Families
My h's brother invited us to their house the wknd we will have the Skids next. We haven't seen them since thanksgiving and that went horribly (see post from nov.) their kids called me by bm's name and ss hugged everyone good night but me. I was humiliated. Plus there's a history with his bro and wife not being accepting of me. So h said he doesn't want to go and we won't. But it's so hard b/c I feel like I am the bad guy if we don't go too. I feel like they will think its my fault that h doesn't associate with them anymore. So we've gone to visit enough in the past so we weren't totally out of the picture and thought that was the right thing. But what is the right thing when I end up being humiliated, feel unwelcome and end up really upset?
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Re: Family visits

  • kali55kali55 member
    Don't feel like a bad person!  No one deserves to be treated that way and I would absolutely not re-expose myself to feeling that way again. 

    Has your DH explained to them why you aren't coming?  I think it's important that he do so, if he hasn't already.  I would think an apology would be in order before I would consider visiting their place again.


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  • twinkl5379twinkl5379 member
    Thanks ladies. It helps to hear that I'm ok for not doing this again. I don't think h plans to address it directly with them and I am ok with that. I feel like it may give them satisfaction to know they've hurt me.? One thing I do think he should have addressed is when they put a picture of bm up in their house since he's been with me and there is not even a pic of him.? But he doesn't think he should address it as he's not one to cause issues. Though when bm was spending the night at their house, he did tell them we wouldn't be coming to their house if she was going to be.
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  • WahooWahoo member

    I would not feel guilty!  You should be thankful that you have a dh who stands up for you.  If they feel they can treat you the way they did, then obviously there is not that great a bond between the brothers.  After all, if they had any respect for your DH, they would treat his wife kindly!  AND they would not put up photos of his ex-wife.  Really, their digs were as much about a lack of respect for him as they were about you.   

    Men tend to do what they want to do - - and your H doesn't want to see his brother.  That is his choice.  Whether it's because he personally felt disrespected because of their actions, or he didn't like having you upset.  His family, his choice. 

    In my experience, H stopped speaking to a number of family members after we married.  They treated us both badly.  Of course, I was blamed (by the people he stopped speaking to), but the fact was - dh could tolerate his family members treating him badly, but felt COMPLETELY disrespected when they could not treat his wife (who had nothing to do with their rivalry and problems) decently.  Also, he was too busy and had a new family (me, kids) to worry about - he didn't have time for additional drama, and didn't NEED a place to hang out on Christmas and not feel lonely! (yes, that was b/c of me, but I didn't force him to stop speaking to anyone).  If H plans to talk with them, I'm not going to stand in his way, but I won't feel guilty if he never does. 

     

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
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  • Ginlyn0Ginlyn0 member
    I agree with Wendi in that your DH should tell them the reason you guys are not going is because the way they treated you. I don't think you should not tell them the reason. If you tell them the reason, there is a possibility for them to rectify the situation. If they don't rectify, you wouldn't see them again anyway, so no harm done.
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  • cole2144cole2144 member

    imagegin9874:
    I agree with Wendi in that your DH should tell them the reason you guys are not going is because the way they treated you. I don't think you should not tell them the reason. If you tell them the reason, there is a possibility for them to rectify the situation. If they don't rectify, you wouldn't see them again anyway, so no harm done.

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  • fellesferiefellesferie member

    imagegin9874:
    I agree with Wendi in that your DH should tell them the reason you guys are not going is because the way they treated you. I don't think you should not tell them the reason. If you tell them the reason, there is a possibility for them to rectify the situation. If they don't rectify, you wouldn't see them again anyway, so no harm done.

    I agree. 

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