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Reasonable expectations for planning

fellesferiefellesferie member
in Blended Families

I'm a planner. I had our summer vacation planned two months ago, and right now I'm starting to work on a trip DH & I are planning to Europe next spring. 

If I had my way, I would know right now the exact dates and times for all of XH's parenting time for the next 2 years.

But in reality land, XH is planning to see DS the first week of April, and he still has not done anything about airfare. We have not even settled on days for pickup and drop off. So I'm starting to get a little twitchy.

Do you ladies have things in your COs about when plans have to be made? I'm not considering revising my CO at this point, but I'd like to try and gauge what a reasonable time frame might be for planning these things. It would be nice to ask XH to have things in place 30 days prior to a trip. Is that reasonable?  Or am I out of line? 

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Re: Reasonable expectations for planning

  • socloudy99socloudy99 member

    Yes 30 days makes sense when there is travel involved so changing plans once set would be difficult. We are not LD so the only thing I know of in our c/o is either party has to call if they will be 15 minutes late.

    I would send XH an email asking for the 30 days notice. If you have not recieved a request for visitation 30 days prior you are free to make plans. If he wants to schdule something within 30 days he must check it you have made plans first.

     

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  • wwnbwwwnbw member

    We get 30 days in the summer and if we don't want it to default to July we have to let her know by April 1st. She has until April 15th to pick a weekend during that time. She can also take any one weekend of DH's not during that extended period but she only has to give 2 weeks notice.

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  • kimmygirl77kimmygirl77 member
    I had our summer 2012 plane tickets booked in September 2011. (they were way cheaper that way) I would think 30days is reasonable, but if i were the one making the arrangements, i would give you 9 months notice! Haha!
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  • Ginlyn0Ginlyn0 member

    The only deadlines we have are the following (these are my wording and not the exact wording):

    The NCP has until April 1st to designate any 30 days (minumum of 1 week at a time, maximum of 2 different sets of dates) for summer otherwise it defaults to July 1-31.

    The CP has until April 15th to designate any 1 of the NCP's normal weekends in which they can withhold visitation as a part of the CP's extended summer vacation, however they cannot take any of the time the NCP designated in their summer request mentioned above.

    The other is regarding travel overseas which says that a minimum of 30 days notice is required to the other parent.

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  • SigirSigir member
    My CO states that the parent has to give notice 30 days in advance to take a week of vacation with dc.  So what you are thinking is reasonable and was the norm in our state. 
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  • Holly_1007Holly_1007 member

    I think what your asking is completely reasonable, however without having it in the CO is completely unenforceable.  if you still have your attorney on a retainer I would suggest asking your attorney to draft up something stating that you are sick of the "last minute" stuff and going forward you would appreciate 30 days notice of specific dates and times.  if not given 30 days notice XH will not be guaranteed to have the specific times and dates he wants. 

    XH might fight it, (since technically he can) but atleast you are making an effort in writing..

                           
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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member

    My CO with my XH states that all travel arrangements must be discussed and agreed upon 30 days prior to visitation, anything past 30 days is at my discretion.  He lives in TN and the kids and I are in CA, so 30 days allows time for us to look at the flights and agree on them.  Plus it basically gives him a kick in the butt to actually do it. 

    My husband and BM don't have a set timeframe in their CO (which is incredibly frustrating at times) so we try and follow a 60 day plan for vacations.  If she isn't willing to agree to the dates he asks for, it gives him time to have his attorney draft a letter to her and get it sorted out.

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  • fellesferiefellesferie member

    XH and I are both flexible with dates. Our CO entitles him to 6 weeks over the summer (he usually takes 2), and other than that, we negotiate holidays and long weekend type stuff. He's never dug in his heels over specific dates, so it's just a planning issue for me.

    We (DH & I) decided back in Nov/Dec that we weren't going to try and do anything for spring break. So I offered the time to XH, and he immediately accepted. But here we are with about two weeks to go, and we've not settled on dates because he hasn't booked tickets.

    And now all the summer camps around here are opening up and taking registration, so I want to start getting my spring/summer calendar filled out. But of course he has no specifics for this summer. 

    I'm just tired of it being left until the last minute. I can't make any plans for the weekend before or after DS's spring break because I have no notion of when I'll have to travel back and forth to Atlanta (4ish hours roundtrip) to exchange the kiddo. 

     

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  • FutureMrsWittigFutureMrsWittig member
    imagesocloudy99:

    Yes 30 days makes sense when there is travel involved so changing plans once set would be difficult. We are not LD so the only thing I know of in our c/o is either party has to call if they will be 15 minutes late.

    I would send XH an email asking for the 30 days notice. If you have not recieved a request for visitation 30 days prior you are free to make plans. If he wants to schdule something within 30 days he must check it you have made plans first.

     

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