What does your LO call their stepparents?

dmndsr4eva · March 2012

I am not remarried but I anticipate that I may get married sometime in the next few years. And my ex is very serious with the homewrecker so I wouldn't be surprised if they got married in the next year or two. I don't want my son to call her mom. However she came into his life at a year and a half and will be a mother figure to him. And same for my BF he came into my son's life before he was two and will spend more time with him than his bio dad.

Sigir · March 2012

my dc calls my husband by his first name. I would expect if exh got remarried dc would call the stepmother by her first name. It does not matter how much time they spend with a step parent, their mom is still their mom and their dad is still their dad, IMO. I think it's unhealthy to try to replace those roles with step parents unless this is an older child that suggests it themselves after developing a strong relationship with the step parent.

acardona1010 · March 2012

My step kiddos just call me by my first name. I had the talk very early on with them that they could call me whatever they want but that I am not their mom, nor would I ever try to take her place. We've tried to think of more affectionate names than just my first name, but it seems to just work so much easier.

VanessaB24 · March 2012

I've been in my SDs life since she was 4yr old. And she calls me by my first name. She is 11 now. I don't ask her to call me mom because she already has one.

bebe11 · March 2012

My daughter was older when I got re-married (8 yrs), so she calls him by his first name. She does call his parents grammy and poppy like all the other kids and refers to other family members as "aunt and uncle". That said, if she is talking about my H she will refer to him as her dad.

Krisx2 · March 2012

My SD calls me by a nickname that we choose together. I've told her from the beginning that I was going to be a parent in her life, but that I wasn't ever going to be her mom and there was no need to call me that. We are all comfortable with the nickname. SD calls her stepfather "Dad" because BM has forced the issue. DH has a problem with it, but not much he can do about it. SD reserves "Daddy" for DH.

rachi1285 · March 2012

My step-kids call me by my first name, per their choice. When we got married we told them they could call me whatever they want. BM is very adamant that we don't force them to call me mom, and we don't, but I'm sure she tells the kids as well. IMO, it's about the kids and not about the BM.

CFjo2010 · March 2012

My husband and I told all the kids from the very beginning that they can call us whatever they're comfortable with, we didn't give any suggestions.

My kiddos (12 and 8) call their father's wife "Tennessee Mom". They picked it, and I'm totally comfortable with it. They call my husband either by his first name or "Dad". Their father is very absent (he sees them twice a year, doesn't call or send letters between visits. They've made comments that my husband is more their father than their BF). My SD calls me Mama Jo. I've been in her life since she before she was 2, and she's 6 now.

Holly_1007 · March 2012

as long as both parents are in the picture, mom and dad are titles that are reserved for mom and dad. end of story. if BM EVERRRRRR tried to have SD call her new husband dad sh!t would hit the fan! that said, SD calls me by my name, she knows I am her "step-mom" beause I am married to her dad and I am the mom of her (half)brother. SD is 5. if you take the time to explain things to kids, they WILL understand

Karma1969 · March 2012

My SS calls me by my first name.

Your Ex was the one that wrecked your home. Not the person he had the affair with. You need to sort this out before you coonsider marrying anyone.

dmndsr4eva · March 2012

Karma1969:

My SS calls me by my first name.

Your Ex was the one that wrecked your home. Not the person he had the affair with. You need to sort this out before you coonsider marrying anyone.

Yes, he is a homewrecker too. From now on I'll refer to her as homewrecker #2. How's that. The entire time I was living with and engaged to my ex she worked with him and was constantly on top of him. Did he let her? Yes. Did she have any values or morals to control herself from coming onto a taken man? No. She will always be a homewrecker in my book.

dmndsr4eva · March 2012

Karma1969:

My SS calls me by my first name.

Your Ex was the one that wrecked your home. Not the person he had the affair with. You need to sort this out before you coonsider marrying anyone.

Yes, he is a homewrecker too. From now on I'll refer to her as homewrecker #2. How's that? The entire time I was living with and engaged to my ex she worked with him and was constantly on top of him. Did he let her? Yes. Did she have any values or morals to control herself from coming onto a taken man? No. She will always be a homewrecker in my book.

wwnbw · March 2012

SS's call me by my first name and they call thier SD's by their first names as well. I've been in SS # 2's life since he was 6 months so I don't think age has anything to do with it. He tried to call me mom but we corrected him because he has a mom.

DD call's DH daddy but that is because she doesn't know Huh?

fellesferie · March 2012

DS calls MH Daddy. He calls XH Daddy, too.

XH has never complained, and DH is the one who does homework, practices, school plays, etc. So it is what it is.

cole2144 · March 2012

I have been in SD`s life since she was 16 months old. She calls me by my first name. I would never ask her to or have her call me mom. As a mother myself, it would break my heart if my son called someone else mom so I would never do that do someone else. Besides that for as much as I love her, she has a mother already.

juliettodd · March 2012

My sons call me by my first name and sometimes call me mom. They can call me whatever they like. They also call BM by her first name and sometimes call her mom. It is just a title to me. Doesn't affect the love either of us have for them a bit.

wwnbw · March 2012

dmndsr4eva:
Karma1969:

My SS calls me by my first name.

Your Ex was the one that wrecked your home. Not the person he had the affair with. You need to sort this out before you coonsider marrying anyone.

Yes, he is a homewrecker too. From now on I'll refer to her as homewrecker #2. How's that? The entire time I was living with and engaged to my ex she worked with him and was constantly on top of him. Did he let her? Yes. Did she have any values or morals to control herself from coming onto a taken man? No. She will always be a homewrecker in my book.

How long has it been since this happend? You still seem really angry/hurt and seeing as you are in a new relationship I'm not sure why.....

karleegirl · March 2012

I feel strongly about the use of mom and dad. Unless the bio parent is out of the picture, those names shouldn't be used. There are plenty of other terms if endearment to use. Ds was 4 when his sm and dad started dating. She and I discussed it back then and agreed ds would call her by her name. He actually calls her Nae Nae instead of Renee, but that works. Ds calls my dh by his first name.

Sigir · March 2012

dmndsr4eva:
Karma1969:

My SS calls me by my first name.

Your Ex was the one that wrecked your home. Not the person he had the affair with. You need to sort this out before you coonsider marrying anyone.

Yes, he is a homewrecker too. From now on I'll refer to her as homewrecker #2. How's that? The entire time I was living with and engaged to my ex she worked with him and was constantly on top of him. Did he let her? Yes. Did she have any values or morals to control herself from coming onto a taken man? No. She will always be a homewrecker in my book.

I agree with Karma... I was not going to bring that up, but I have to say that based on your passionate response here and your recent posts on the subject/ your continued attachment to your ex, you really should reconsider being in a serious relationship leading to marriage.

I think you have more pressing concerns to sort out besides what your son may call your spouse if you end up marrying again. Sorry if this is harsh.

LilBigBug · March 2012

My stepdaughters call me by my first name. I don't make them call me "mommy",but occasionally the four year old will slip up (hubby and ex have been split up for about 3 years). Honestly, I'm not sure if I should correct her or not.

FormerlyAK · March 2012

Sigir:
dmndsr4eva:
Karma1969:

My SS calls me by my first name.

Your Ex was the one that wrecked your home. Not the person he had the affair with. You need to sort this out before you coonsider marrying anyone.

Yes, he is a homewrecker too. From now on I'll refer to her as homewrecker #2. How's that? The entire time I was living with and engaged to my ex she worked with him and was constantly on top of him. Did he let her? Yes. Did she have any values or morals to control herself from coming onto a taken man? No. She will always be a homewrecker in my book.
I agree with Karma... I was not going to bring that up, but I have to say that based on your passionate response here and your recent posts on the subject/ your continued attachment to your ex, you really should reconsider being in a serious relationship leading to marriage.
I think you have more pressing concerns to sort out besides what your son may call your spouse if you end up marrying again. Sorry if this is harsh.

The ladies on the Starting Over board of the Nest have been saying this over and over. She stopped posting there and now posts here.

Diamonds, you need to stop pushing this relationship forward. You aren't in a healthy place relationship-wise and that will bite you in the booty later on.

And you say she is a home wrecker, but you do realize that even though she knew he was married, she didn't make vows to you, right? My ex-h left me for the other woman, but he was the one who chose to break the vows and wreck our home.

Ginlyn0 · March 2012

Sigir:
dmndsr4eva:
Karma1969:

My SS calls me by my first name.

Your Ex was the one that wrecked your home. Not the person he had the affair with. You need to sort this out before you coonsider marrying anyone.

Yes, he is a homewrecker too. From now on I'll refer to her as homewrecker #2. How's that? The entire time I was living with and engaged to my ex she worked with him and was constantly on top of him. Did he let her? Yes. Did she have any values or morals to control herself from coming onto a taken man? No. She will always be a homewrecker in my book.

I agree with Karma... I was not going to bring that up, but I have to say that based on your passionate response here and your recent posts on the subject/ your continued attachment to your ex, you really should reconsider being in a serious relationship leading to marriage.

I think you have more pressing concerns to sort out besides what your son may call your spouse if you end up marrying again. Sorry if this is harsh.

It's been like 8 months, right? I think you need to slow it down with your new relationship and get some counseling.

PrettyInPearls23 · March 2012

:::sigh:::

Dmnds...just the fact you still call your X's GF the "homewrecker" just reason #274 why you do not need to be in a relationship right now, much less even having marriage on the radar.

Focus on your CHILD, not your X. Not your BF. Not the "homewrecker".

CFjo2010 · March 2012

dmndsr4eva:
Karma1969:

My SS calls me by my first name.

Your Ex was the one that wrecked your home. Not the person he had the affair with. You need to sort this out before you coonsider marrying anyone.

Yes, he is a homewrecker too. From now on I'll refer to her as homewrecker #2. How's that? The entire time I was living with and engaged to my ex she worked with him and was constantly on top of him. Did he let her? Yes. Did she have any values or morals to control herself from coming onto a taken man? No. She will always be a homewrecker in my book.

Regardless of how your ex and his GF began their relationship, there's a possibility that she will become a permanent fixture of your child's life. Trust me, I despise my XH. He had multiple affairs and essentially abandoned our kiddos. But I have never badmouthed him, or his gajiliion GFs over the years, to the kids. Because children do not need to get caught up in the parental drama. I sincerely hope that in front of your child you don't demonstrate the anger towards your ex and his GF that you show here. As moms we should encourage our kiddos to love their fathers and embrace whomever Daddy decides to "add" to LO's life. Kids from split families have enough questions as it is, adding to that "Why does mommy hate my stepmom?" will only hurt your relationship with your child later on.

FutureMrsWittig · March 2012

wwnbw:
dmndsr4eva:
Karma1969:

My SS calls me by my first name.

Your Ex was the one that wrecked your home. Not the person he had the affair with. You need to sort this out before you coonsider marrying anyone.

Yes, he is a homewrecker too. From now on I'll refer to her as homewrecker #2. How's that? The entire time I was living with and engaged to my ex she worked with him and was constantly on top of him. Did he let her? Yes. Did she have any values or morals to control herself from coming onto a taken man? No. She will always be a homewrecker in my book.

How long has it been since this happend? You still seem really angry/hurt and seeing as you are in a new relationship I'm not sure why.....

I think she's probably still hurt/angry because it was a hurtful thing. There's no finite time frame for "getting over" a failed marriage. It's one of those events in life that can very well become a part of you and color your experience forever.

Dmnds: My SD calls me by my first name right now. But I have a 7 month old and she calls me Mama. And SD has once or twice, called me Mama also. I talked to BM about it and she said she's fine with that so don't bother to correct it.

Just remember, you can not control XH and his new love interest. They'll do what they do. You just need to decide how things are going to work in your house. Hopefully, since you feel very strongly about not wanting your child to call another woman mom, you'll translate that and find another name for him to call your SO?

pjen99 · March 2012

My stepdaughter calls me by my first name and that is the case for most of the stepmoms/dads I know. I do know one stepdaughter who calls stepdad "Dad" but her dad is mostly out of the picture.

Tasheystar · March 2012

SD calls me by my first name as well. Occasionally (like in the middle of the night), she'll call me mommy, but I don't correct her. It usually doesn't come up when she's awake.

PrimReaper · March 2012

Been lurking the past week or so and thought I'd jump in on this.

DD1 has a very good relationship with all her parents. She still calls MH by his first name as well as her SM, but she sometimes refers to having 2 moms and 2 dads and always mentions having 4 parents.

Lately she's started calling MH 'dad' when referencing him to DD2 who is his and my daughter. Partly because we've asked her to only when DD2 is around and partly of her own accord (eg "Look, daddy's home!").

I think it would still feel strange to hear him say "I love you dad" or something of the like to MH but it's even stranger when his biological daughter calls him by his first name.

karatechrissy · March 2012

I came into my SS's life before he was 2. He calls me 'Hunnie'. That's all my H ever really calls me, and so he has called me Hunnie for 4 years now. BM didn't like it, and we tried to tell him my first name, but Hunnie stuck. He calls BM's H by his first name.

angelame1979 · March 2012

If you don't want your son to call your ex's GF mom, than it should be expected that you shouldn't allow your son to call your BF dad regardless of how much time he spends with his dad. I am a custodial stepmom to a now 14 year old. I have been in her life since she was 1 1/2 as well. She has never called me mom but BM thought it was appropriate for her to call her BF dad (and they are not and have never been married). Her other kids also call him dad and he is not the dad to any of them. Titles are what they are. They should call stepparents by their name or call them bonus mom or if they have a nickname (a nice one) they could call them that to.

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