Still waiting but starting to nest

lafayettegirl · March 2012

We're still waiting for a match, but we did go ahead and purchase some furniture for the nursery. We now have a crib, dresser/changing table, and a rocking chair.

DH wants to continue to decorate. His mom is an amazing painter and wants to paint a mural in the room. My problem is that I don't know how to proceed. It is like I can't decorate for someone I don't even know is on their way yet. and I especially don't want to spend the next year or whatever walking by a fully decked out room that has nobody living in it.

Anyway, I guess I am just sharing this because I know you all understand where I am at and it is easier to say this stuff here than to all of my friends who just don't get it.

Cissi64 · March 2012

That is always a tough decision. I have known people to decorate a "nursery" before they were even pregnant only to suffer IF. I, personally could not stand to walk by an empty nursery either. It was easier for us to plan after we began foster parent training. We were lucky enough to have ahouse big enough so we could have a "boy" room and a "girl" room. We kept it fairly simple and had twin beds in each. We added a crib later when we actually got an infant.

And you are absolutely correct. Your friends just don't get it unless they have been through the same thing and even those friends won't always get it

twinkjk · March 2012

I'm in the same place as you. I think we are going to go ahead and start buying/decorating just because I know that once we're matched--depending on the situation--things could move pretty quickly and I dont want to be caught unprepared. But I do completely understand where you are--it will be difficult to see a beautiful baby room just waiting for a beautiful baby.

bhead81 · March 2012

This was a tough decision for us as well. Since we were headed down the fostercare path before we committed to DA we decided we would setup the nursery in gender nuetral themes. We painted, setup the crib and dresser and picked out some accessories. I did buy all the big items (car seat, stroller, PNP, high chair) before we matched. This made out match and bringing LO home easier since we had some the major items in place and we did not have to worry about paying for adoption fees and buying the major items. Since we were not sure on what sex LO would be and names we did not fully decorate the room. We are still in the process of finalizing the decor now that LO is home.

lafayettegirl · March 2012

I feel SO much better after reading your responses. I know in my head that I'm not the only one going through this stuff, but sometimes my heart feels very alone.

Y'all are the best!!! Thank you!

inlovewithB · March 2012

Emotionally I couldn't handle putting a nursery together even after we were matched. I was so afraid that it wouldn't work out. We asked that they not tell us the baby's gender until we met our LO so that we wouldn't get attached to the idea of a son or daughter.

I did pick out and price check the furniture and bedding for both genders while we were waiting after we were matched. The week of our Due Date we had the social worker call our interior designer so he could start ordering stuff for the nursery.

It took almost three months after we brought her home for all the details to be completed in her room, but now it is perfect and we all love her room so much.

Jenn is Silly · March 2012

While we were TTC I picked up a few things here and there that I found on sale (a PPB diaper bag at Nordstroms on clearance, things like that). Once we were matched we agreed at first not to buy anything but the travel system and PNP.

We threw that out the window about 3 weeks into our match, 2 weeks before DD came home. She came home to an 80% finished nursery.

I think it's whatever works for you!

Art Teacher · March 2012

You have to decide what's best for you. If you don't think you can handle having the nursery totally decorated yet, then don't. We were okay with having a lot of things done; I like to keep busy with stuff like that and I really like to decorate and paint. It didn't bother me to see things done -- it gave me hope that our baby was out there somewhere. But everyone feels differently and you have to do what's best for you

WillisReincarnated · March 2012

Perhaps this is a good sign. We ordered a few necessary items for our first wait. Two days later, we got the call abour DS. And he was already born

. I didn't even have time to wait on the deliveries! GL!!

cogbot · March 2012

We haven't bought anything. Actually, I can't even browse through Babies R Us without feeling weird. I feel silly and almost embarrassed.

meg_koole · March 2012

Before we found out about our situation I had made the decision to slowly work on the nursery. I wanted to enjoy putting it together and decorating just like other expectant moms and not have to throw it together if we had a quick placement!

I felt like if the nursery (or an adoption shower) happened before a match it wouldn't be for one particular child - just for our future child. Does that make sense?

Anyway - that is all out the window now, but I am definitely enjoying putting the room together!!!

erinmc1 · March 2012

We had every intention of decorating the nursery slowly in neutral colors, waiting for great deals and getting what we needed as we had the extra money to do it. Then we got two calls for potential immediate placements within a week. After the first one, I realized how unprepared I felt, and went out and bought all the necessities, plus some. Just having it done made me feel more confident, like we're actually ready for it to happen, and not just waiting. Needless to say, neither was a match, but it makes me glow to walk into this beautiful nursery, and imagine the special baby that's going to live there. It makes it more real for me, like this isn't all in my head, and on days that I feel like it's never going to happen, that nursery says I know that it will.

Everyone is different. My husband didn't participate in any of it, other than buying the crib and dresser. Even members of a couple can deal with the wait differently. Don't feel bad about doing what feels right for you, but don't push your DH to deal with it the same way you do.

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Still waiting but starting to nest

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