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2nd Trimester
bumpuser511563
member
Told Parents And Now Confused (long)
bumpuser511563
member
I am in the middle of five months pregnant with baby boy. I have not spoken to parents in almost a whole year because they could not respect DH and I with my mom's negative comments and rumors about us.
This past weekend DH and I decided to go visit my parents out of town for the weekend to tell them the good news that they will be getting a grandson and other good thngs that have been going on.
When I called for the first time in a year, I just told my mom that we were on our way over. We showed up and all my mom could say was wow to have I seen the doctor to other questions about eating right to godparents. There was no congratulations of any kind. The only times she congratulated me was when I graduated from high school and college. She never did so when DH and I were engaged and she did not know when we got married by the court until we visited. For a time she was upset at those two events back then.
Later my dad came with my uncles (my parents were having an early family get together) and he saw that I was pregnant. When I spoke to my dad he was so happy and he petted my belly, but I knew that was an acceptable form of congratulations from my dad.
Unlike my dad, I am disappointed my mom sounded anything but excited. She made it sound like I didn't know what I was doing being pregnant for the first time. And she had the nerve to ask me if I was happy, like if she could not tell from DH and I's expressions.
My parents wanted us to stay longer but we had other things to take care of and I didn't want to stay if my relatives were there because we would not have time to talk to my parents because they were the hosts of the family gathering.
Later I found out from my sister that my mom was excited to find I looked good being five months, excited to make a quilt for the baby and has started calling my dad grandpa. And my dad who is just as excited to call my mom grandma. I am just disappointed that my mom didn't say anything in this paragraph to me to show she is excited.
All I keep asking myself is why and that I would have loved hearing any of these comments instead of my mom making me look stupid in front of my relatives. Was she trying to look tough in front of them by doing that to DH and I?
Any advice or any experiences similar to this is appreciated! TIA
I am not going to hold that against my parents even if this bothers me. I have spoken to my sister and she thinks I am being to hard on my mom. I have spoken to DH about this and he is just as confused as me.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Told Parents And Now Confused (long)
Unfortunately from the brief amount that you've said, it sounds like this pretty typical behavior of your mom. I'm sorry she's not being there for you in the way you need her to.
It doesn't look like you having a baby is going to change your behavior. This is one of those times you just have to consider the source when dealing with her reaction
It sounds like she doesn't know how to relate to you ... and it sounds like you expect her to be more than you know she is. You arrived on her doorstep after not talking to her for a year and you show up 5 months pregnant. She was probably surprised/shocked and needed a few hours to digest the news and let it sink in.
It also sounds like you have a complicated relationship with your folks ... I'm sorry she didn't act like you wanted her to, but I think you should give her another chance to make it right. If you include her more in your pregnancy and your life, maybe she'll come around and be the kind of mom you want her to be. And maybe not, but then you'll know.
Just my 2 cents.
The post is kind of confusing..But it sounds like she may've been just overwhelmed. She hasn't seen you in a year, and now you're 5 months pregnant. She may've just been absorbing it all. Did you tell her you had gotten married at that visit? I'm lost..
Couldn't have said it better myself. My thoughts exactly. Best of luck to you!
I've gone through some really tough times with my parents too, especiallly my dad. I don't know if they or you would be willing, but talking to a family counselor made a world of difference for us. It saved our relationship from totally ending for good. We only went for about 3 sessions and that was enough to get us to where we could start moving foward on rebuilding a positive relationship. Family is so important, especially when there are going to be children involved. My Dad betrayed me and hurt me really badly, and it's not been easy, but in time I've been able to forgive him and things are much better now. I would encourage you and your family to try and put the past in the past and start building a positive relationship for the future. God works in mysterious ways and this baby may be a good way for you to rebuild your family. It doesn't mean you have to condone their actions for the past, just that your ready to try and make things better for the future.
Hang in there, I know your feelings are hurt by your mom, but she's probably just being stubborn and prideful by not congratulating you. Deep down she's happy for you and there are many signs of that, especially her already calling your dad "grandpa"!
i'm confused. after not talking to her for a year, you call right before going over there and announce that you got married and that you're 5 months pregnant?
if that's the case, i don't blame her at all that she wasn't fawning over you about the pregnancy. she was probably still in shock.