I wish you would have just listened to me when I told you that DS needed to be put into the 2-3 year old room at his new daycare from day one. I knew moving and changing schools was going to be difficult enough for him and now he hates daycare and is bored. I'm mad at you because now three weeks in they want to move him to the 2 year old room and possibly the 3 year old room if he's still not happy. I don't understand why you would want him to go through so much change in such a short period of time.
Why can't we just get along? You always seem to be ruined by the time I get to work in the morning. Runs are unbecoming on a professional and I don't have time to run to CVS for a new pair.
Yours truly,
The lady that looks like a hot mess today
Dear DS,
I think about your chubby cheeks all day. I actually daydream about smooshing my face up against yours, smelling your baby smell, and smothering you with kisses. Pick up time can't come soon enough. I miss you tons today!
I am so wonderfully thankful that you only got up twice last night, and you only ate 7 ounces all night. I know you can do it, so let's do it more often please!
Love, Mommy
Dear Mt. Dew,
I love you. That is all.
Love, Addicted to you
Dear phone,
Couldn't you have magically jumped in my pocket this morning? I hate that I left you on the bed.
Signed, No music/movies at work today
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No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
I love you but you need to sleep. This getting up every 1-3 hours is killing me. I know you are teething but give mommy a break.
Signed,
Done, just done
Dear DH:
Do you think you could effing take a night so I could sleep? I know he wants the breast not a bottle but I need the break. You just had a 5 day vacation w/o us so step it up.
While I appreciate you trying to "help" in the morning, the boys see your presence as an excuse to "party" and ask for chips for breakfast. Of course then I have to step in and say no, which makes it a fun morning since you take off mid-process.
Love,
Your pregnant wife who can't be carrying two screaming toddlers simultaneously anymore
Dear Harrison,
There is no way in hell you are getting a nutrigrain bar AND chips for breakfast. Maybe on Daddy's watch, but there are rules when mommy's around. It's milk and cereal, PERIOD.
Still love you no matter how much tear you give me and scream for dadda.
Mommmmmma
Me: PCOs DH: Perfect!
4 Fresh IVF cycles + 1 FET where embies didn't survive the thaw = 2 perfect little men!
sFET 11/9/11 - Beta 11/18 BFP!
You are adorable and oh so loved, but Mommy and Daddy are exhausted. Please, pretty please, go back to only waking twice a night! Last night's four times is very hard on Mommy and Daddy when they have to go to work.
When we were at Walmart you decided to get the generic mucinex for a cough you already have thinking you have phlegm.
I know about guaifenesin and I have taken it enough to experience taking it while sick. I am not a pharmacist or a pharmacy tech but I did warn you that you will be coughing more than what you want.
You went and asked the pharmacy tech and did not trust that I knew what was going to happen. You will not see a doctor.
SO cough some more phlegm that you do not have. Don't you think you would have coughed it out already?
I doubt you learned anything out of this, but I am going to throw those pills away. You will be smarter if you only listened to your wife.
I know that you are completely stressed out at work because you are doing your job and your recently retired managers job, but it is no reason to take your stress out on me and DS. It is temporary and you volunteered for it, so put on your "big boy pants" and suck it up!
I can not believe you are already 11 months old and walking around everywhere. You looked so cute in your outfit and pigtails this morning that mommy REALLY didn't want to leave you at daycare! I have thought about you all morning and can not wait until 5 so I can go give you a big squeeze and kiss those little cheeks! I can NOT wait until vacation next week and 10 days with you and daddy at Disney World.
Love,
Your mommy who misses you terribly during the day while she is *working*
I'm sorry that we brought the kids over on Saturday and exposed your newborn to germs. DS had the stomach flu when DD was 1 month old, so I know how you feel. However, we did ask you and your H multiple times if you were really okay with watching the kids, even though they both have runny noses. We had no idea that DD would develop a fever Sunday evening. Sorry, our crystal ball is out for repairs. If we had known that, we certainly wouldn't have brought the kids over. I don't appreciate your snarky comments on FB about exposing your LOs (especially newborn DD) to germs when I posted about DD having a fever. Don't worry, we won't ever impose on you guys again.
Signed,
Your put-off SIL
Dear DH,
You're a really awesome dad and husband. Thank you also for sharing the household duties, it really helps me.
Love,
Your wife
Dear Mom & Dad,
You guys are awesome. I'm so glad you're willing and able come down on short notice to take care of the kids when they are sick and can't go to daycare, and DH and I can't take time off work. It helps us out so much and we really appreciate it.
Yes, I think your marriage to Dad is a mess. Yes, I agree that he will never change and maybe you have to leave. Yes, I think it will be incredibly hard for you to support yourself. Whatever you decide to do, I will be supportive.
Love, your only daughter
Dear Parents,
Please get it together. I don't care what the outcome is but get it together. I am tired of being the only "responsible" child in this family. And I am worried about the implications of your actions on your financial stability when you retire. I wish my brothers would grow up but STOP BEING ENABLERS. I love you, because you are my parents, but sometimes I wish dearly that our family wasn't so dysfunctional.
Love, your only responsible child
Dear DH,
Thanks for being in such a good mood lately, despite how stressful and crazy your schedule is right now. I am sorry I have been bummed out.
- Your loving wife
Dear DD,
I love you more than you will ever know. You have brought so much happiness to my life. I hope that I can provide you with a happy and functional family life. I hope that we have a strong and close bond when you are grown.
To the woman who called me to yell at me that her family member is suicidal because said student is failing my class:
(1) You're ridiculous.
(2) If you really helped this student with these essays, I don't know how you got to be an attorney.
----
Dear Jared:
Thank you for being the best SAHD and just amazing, in general. I can't believe how much you had cleaned the house already before I left for work!
Love you,
S
---
Dear M,
Thank you for planning a birthday party for me and for waiting until after our grades are due to have it at your place. You're the best! I'm so glad we're friends!
Dear sinuses: Stop, just stop. The weather is gorgeous lately, just let me enjoy it and avoid drugs for a while. Love, the rest of the body.
Dear Overdraft Account: Thank you for working with us as we try to transistion from unemployment to DH's new paycheck with our e-fund completely drained. I swear I'm going to get a howler sent to me every time I pay for something, and you're always so kind and cooperative. We'll make it up to you very, very soon. Love, wrung dry
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No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
I'm glad you realized that the Titanic-sized meltdown DS had last night was all because you didn't want to give him his chef's hat while he made his PlayDoh "cookies". It made YOU look like an ass, because it was an unnecessary battle. Thanks for owning it and apologizing. This proves you're still worthy of "celebrating" the coveted male holiday of Steak and BJ Day today. Too bad Mommy has a mani/pedi appointment tonight, and you're stuck with dinner and bedtime duty. Sometimes you're the bug, honey, and sometimes you're the windshield.
I hope that you are both enjoying your vacations. We do not miss you at all. It is quiet and calm and no one is snarking at each other. BUT I do wish we could revisit this whole business of locking the crap out of everything. Nobody is going to steal your sharpies but I DO need to get at those contracts. Thanks for installing a dead bolt on your office door and not moving files to where I can get them. You Rock!
Sincerly,
Your very relaxed program director
Dear PITA group leader.
Are you trying to threaten me by saying that you know things that I don't know from board members. I am sure that is true, to those people I am a peon. But you still have to follow the rules.
Sincerly,
Just doin my job
Dear DH,
Where the heck did you come from lately? Cleaning, Laundry, Saving baby bunnies? Waking up with the baby at night? I am in awe of you finaly getting the hang of it and really picking it up. You have no idea how much this all means to me.
Please stop complaining to me that DS won't nap long enough for you to also be able to take a nap when you aren't the one who gets up with him multiple times in the middle of the night and then gets up to go to work where naps are not allowed. It is REALLY irritating.
Signed,
Your loving wife who goes to work everyday so that you can be a SAHD
I realize that you got spoiled during my maternity leave, but I would just like to thank you for all of your help the past two weeks as I returned to work.
Thanks for not ever taking an overnight shift with the baby or helping with any of the get-ready in the morning. Thanks for deliberately soothing him with a pacifier when you knew he was hungry so that you wouldn't have to get up and make him a bottle. Thanks for doing nothing that has to do with dishes, laundry or cleaning and helping our house to look like a total disaster area. Thanks for playing video games last night while I was at my mandatory meeting instead of doing the things I had asked you to do around the house. Thanks for being totally unsympathetic at how tired I am and for refusing to let me even eat dinner without DS in my arms. Thanks for refusing to watch me give DS a bath so you don't have to learn how to do it, because believe me, there's more to it than you think.
I love you, but there's a reason that every time DS has a huge poopy diaper you just happen to be the one changing it. It's called karma.
-Your frazzled, exhausted and yes SLIGHTLY hormonal wife
Re: Open Letter Wednesday
Dear DH,
I wish you would have just listened to me when I told you that DS needed to be put into the 2-3 year old room at his new daycare from day one. I knew moving and changing schools was going to be difficult enough for him and now he hates daycare and is bored. I'm mad at you because now three weeks in they want to move him to the 2 year old room and possibly the 3 year old room if he's still not happy. I don't understand why you would want him to go through so much change in such a short period of time.
Sincerely,
I Told You So.
Dear Panty Hose,
Why can't we just get along? You always seem to be ruined by the time I get to work in the morning. Runs are unbecoming on a professional and I don't have time to run to CVS for a new pair.
Yours truly,
The lady that looks like a hot mess today
Dear DS,
I think about your chubby cheeks all day. I actually daydream about smooshing my face up against yours, smelling your baby smell, and smothering you with kisses. Pick up time can't come soon enough. I miss you tons today!
All my love,
Mama
Amen, diva.
Dear DS,
I am so wonderfully thankful that you only got up twice last night, and you only ate 7 ounces all night. I know you can do it, so let's do it more often please!
Love, Mommy
Dear Mt. Dew,
I love you. That is all.
Love, Addicted to you
Dear phone,
Couldn't you have magically jumped in my pocket this morning? I hate that I left you on the bed.
Signed, No music/movies at work today
Dear DS2:
I love you but you need to sleep. This getting up every 1-3 hours is killing me. I know you are teething but give mommy a break.
Signed,
Done, just done
Dear DH:
Do you think you could effing take a night so I could sleep? I know he wants the breast not a bottle but I need the break. You just had a 5 day vacation w/o us so step it up.
Signed,
Getting pi$$ed
Dear Ear infection:
Go away!
Dear DH,
While I appreciate you trying to "help" in the morning, the boys see your presence as an excuse to "party" and ask for chips for breakfast. Of course then I have to step in and say no, which makes it a fun morning since you take off mid-process.
Love,
Your pregnant wife who can't be carrying two screaming toddlers simultaneously anymore
Dear Harrison,
There is no way in hell you are getting a nutrigrain bar AND chips for breakfast. Maybe on Daddy's watch, but there are rules when mommy's around. It's milk and cereal, PERIOD.
Still love you no matter how much tear you give me and scream for dadda.
Mommmmmma
4 Fresh IVF cycles + 1 FET where embies didn't survive the thaw = 2 perfect little men!
sFET 11/9/11 - Beta 11/18 BFP!
Dear DS:
You are adorable and oh so loved, but Mommy and Daddy are exhausted. Please, pretty please, go back to only waking twice a night! Last night's four times is very hard on Mommy and Daddy when they have to go to work.
Love, Mommy
Dear coffee,
I'm so glad we got reacquainted. I love you.
DH,
When we were at Walmart you decided to get the generic mucinex for a cough you already have thinking you have phlegm.
I know about guaifenesin and I have taken it enough to experience taking it while sick. I am not a pharmacist or a pharmacy tech but I did warn you that you will be coughing more than what you want.
You went and asked the pharmacy tech and did not trust that I knew what was going to happen. You will not see a doctor.
SO cough some more phlegm that you do not have. Don't you think you would have coughed it out already?
I doubt you learned anything out of this, but I am going to throw those pills away. You will be smarter if you only listened to your wife.
The annoyed wife
Dear DD,
I can not believe you are already 11 months old and walking around everywhere. You looked so cute in your outfit and pigtails this morning that mommy REALLY didn't want to leave you at daycare! I have thought about you all morning and can not wait until 5 so I can go give you a big squeeze and kiss those little cheeks! I can NOT wait until vacation next week and 10 days with you and daddy at Disney World.
Love,
Your mommy who misses you terribly during the day while she is *working*
Dear SIL,
I'm sorry that we brought the kids over on Saturday and exposed your newborn to germs. DS had the stomach flu when DD was 1 month old, so I know how you feel. However, we did ask you and your H multiple times if you were really okay with watching the kids, even though they both have runny noses. We had no idea that DD would develop a fever Sunday evening. Sorry, our crystal ball is out for repairs. If we had known that, we certainly wouldn't have brought the kids over. I don't appreciate your snarky comments on FB about exposing your LOs (especially newborn DD) to germs when I posted about DD having a fever. Don't worry, we won't ever impose on you guys again.
Signed,
Your put-off SIL
Dear DH,
You're a really awesome dad and husband. Thank you also for sharing the household duties, it really helps me.
Love,
Your wife
Dear Mom & Dad,
You guys are awesome. I'm so glad you're willing and able come down on short notice to take care of the kids when they are sick and can't go to daycare, and DH and I can't take time off work. It helps us out so much and we really appreciate it.
Love,
Your daughter
Dear Mom,
Yes, I think your marriage to Dad is a mess. Yes, I agree that he will never change and maybe you have to leave. Yes, I think it will be incredibly hard for you to support yourself. Whatever you decide to do, I will be supportive.
Love, your only daughter
Dear Parents,
Please get it together. I don't care what the outcome is but get it together. I am tired of being the only "responsible" child in this family. And I am worried about the implications of your actions on your financial stability when you retire. I wish my brothers would grow up but STOP BEING ENABLERS. I love you, because you are my parents, but sometimes I wish dearly that our family wasn't so dysfunctional.
Love, your only responsible child
Dear DH,
Thanks for being in such a good mood lately, despite how stressful and crazy your schedule is right now. I am sorry I have been bummed out.
- Your loving wife
Dear DD,
I love you more than you will ever know. You have brought so much happiness to my life. I hope that I can provide you with a happy and functional family life. I hope that we have a strong and close bond when you are grown.
Love, your mom
To the woman who called me to yell at me that her family member is suicidal because said student is failing my class:
(1) You're ridiculous.
(2) If you really helped this student with these essays, I don't know how you got to be an attorney.
----
Dear Jared:
Thank you for being the best SAHD and just amazing, in general. I can't believe how much you had cleaned the house already before I left for work!
Love you,
S
---
Dear M,
Thank you for planning a birthday party for me and for waiting until after our grades are due to have it at your place. You're the best! I'm so glad we're friends!
~S
Mac and cheese lover!
Dear sinuses: Stop, just stop. The weather is gorgeous lately, just let me enjoy it and avoid drugs for a while. Love, the rest of the body.
Dear Overdraft Account: Thank you for working with us as we try to transistion from unemployment to DH's new paycheck with our e-fund completely drained. I swear I'm going to get a howler sent to me every time I pay for something, and you're always so kind and cooperative. We'll make it up to you very, very soon. Love, wrung dry
Dear DH:
I'm glad you realized that the Titanic-sized meltdown DS had last night was all because you didn't want to give him his chef's hat while he made his PlayDoh "cookies". It made YOU look like an ass, because it was an unnecessary battle. Thanks for owning it and apologizing. This proves you're still worthy of "celebrating" the coveted male holiday of Steak and BJ Day today. Too bad Mommy has a mani/pedi appointment tonight, and you're stuck with dinner and bedtime duty. Sometimes you're the bug, honey, and sometimes you're the windshield.
Love, me
Dear Boss and Business Director,
I hope that you are both enjoying your vacations. We do not miss you at all. It is quiet and calm and no one is snarking at each other. BUT I do wish we could revisit this whole business of locking the crap out of everything. Nobody is going to steal your sharpies but I DO need to get at those contracts. Thanks for installing a dead bolt on your office door and not moving files to where I can get them. You Rock!
Sincerly,
Your very relaxed program director
Dear PITA group leader.
Are you trying to threaten me by saying that you know things that I don't know from board members. I am sure that is true, to those people I am a peon. But you still have to follow the rules.
Sincerly,
Just doin my job
Dear DH,
Where the heck did you come from lately? Cleaning, Laundry, Saving baby bunnies? Waking up with the baby at night? I am in awe of you finaly getting the hang of it and really picking it up. You have no idea how much this all means to me.
Your loving and amazed wife!
Dear DH,
Please stop complaining to me that DS won't nap long enough for you to also be able to take a nap when you aren't the one who gets up with him multiple times in the middle of the night and then gets up to go to work where naps are not allowed. It is REALLY irritating.
Signed,
Your loving wife who goes to work everyday so that you can be a SAHD
Dear DH,
I realize that you got spoiled during my maternity leave, but I would just like to thank you for all of your help the past two weeks as I returned to work.
Thanks for not ever taking an overnight shift with the baby or helping with any of the get-ready in the morning. Thanks for deliberately soothing him with a pacifier when you knew he was hungry so that you wouldn't have to get up and make him a bottle. Thanks for doing nothing that has to do with dishes, laundry or cleaning and helping our house to look like a total disaster area. Thanks for playing video games last night while I was at my mandatory meeting instead of doing the things I had asked you to do around the house. Thanks for being totally unsympathetic at how tired I am and for refusing to let me even eat dinner without DS in my arms. Thanks for refusing to watch me give DS a bath so you don't have to learn how to do it, because believe me, there's more to it than you think.
I love you, but there's a reason that every time DS has a huge poopy diaper you just happen to be the one changing it. It's called karma.
-Your frazzled, exhausted and yes SLIGHTLY hormonal wife
Dear DS,
Please don't continue to drop your third nap. It gives me my sanity.
Love,
Your Not Well Rested Mother
Dear clients,
You give March Madness a whole new meaning. Back away from the crazy.
Tired and disgruntled worker bee
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO