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Attachment Parenting
What are the downfalls (nursing through the night)?
Hi everyone,
I'm the mother to a 5 month old girl, and I need some perspective on a situation I'm facing.
We had our 4 month check-up a few weeks ago and our Dr asked us if our LO is sleeping though the night. We said that she isn't and the Dr. seemed very surprised. LO is in the 97th percentile for weight and the Dr seemed to think that at her age and weight she should be able to go about 6 hours at night without nursing. We are currently nursing pretty much every 3 hours, like clockwork. Every once in a while she has slept longer but it isn't typical.
The Dr. proposed that LO may not be sleeping very deeply in the bedroom with us, so she suggested moving the baby to her crib (in her own room) to see if that made a difference. Well, we did and it doesn't seem to have made a difference. We are still nursing every 3 hours. Sometimes she seems to want a full meal and sometimes it's just a snack, but either way she wants to nurse before she will go back to sleep. Once I nurse her she is out like a light for 3 more hours.
So, I'm wondering, are we setting ourselves up for problems down the road if we continue to nurse every 3 hours? Am I encouraging a habit that LO doesn't "need"? Am I overfeeding her? Am I creating a crutch since she seems to need that nursing session to fall back asleep? What are the downfalls of letting her nurse so frequently though the night?
Everyone else I've asked seems to think I need to encourage her to sleep through the night, which I don't feel the need to do either. But I guess I just wanted some perspective on what we might be in for a few months down the road if we continue with this.
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Re: What are the downfalls (nursing through the night)?
Are you comfortable with getting up during the night with her? Part of the reason for getting kids to sttn is for the parents' sake, a lot of time it seems anyway. I also didn't think you could overfeed a bf baby, I'm sure she just likes the comfort of being with you.
If you're ok with the arrangement, then I don't know why you would need to change anything. You may have more difficulty with her sttn later on, or you may also be creating a solid trusting relationship with her and she'll sttn when she's good and ready.
I don't know where people find all these doctors that are parenting experts!
STTN isn't something you need to pursue if you're happy with how things are. You can't overfeed a baby at the breast.
Some people say "crutch", others say "secure attachment". It's really up to you. I will say that honestly, I'm sick of nursing my 10 month old every 2 hours all night... but we're waiting for the right time to work on that (and the right time is not while my mom is living her recovering from knee surgery).
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Agreed! I eventually stopped listening to other people and did what was right for "us." DS continued to nurse at night until he self weaned at 22 months. If I recall (my memories are slightly fuzzy) he nursed less at night after a year, but still woke up a few times. There were moments I couldn't wait to get more sleep...but looking back I don't regret anything and don't have any negative memories of those long nights.
And I don't think it is creating problems at all. There is always something regarding bedtime and sleeping. These days DS is scared of monsters and has a difficult time falling asleep...so we work on it as best we can. Always seems to be something..
"Able to go without nourishment for six hours" and able to go without waking because of urinating lonliness, fear, teething pain, active mind because of development, etc. are two very different things. Babies nurse for so much else that food! It is a thirst-quencher, soothing to gums and spirit, etc. I like what Kellymom has to say about nursing and sleep. https://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/sleep.html and https://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/sleepstudies.html
I am a big fan of basing my parenting on what our bodies naturally do, espcially with little ones who lack the ability to manipulate and have only limited ways to communicate. If BFing and cosleeping are the most natural things to do, and that leads to nightwaking, that leads be to believe that there must be some benefit to night-waking, even if the APA hasn't connected the dots yet.
Night waking seems to peak in the range of 9-12 months. Nursing, cosleeping babies don't tend to STTN until after age 2. But, if that isn't a problem to you (it isn't for us), it doesn't really matter what your dr's parenting view on STTN is. Now, if it is a problem for you for another reason than just "baby should STTN" that is a fair thing to address. Balance is an important part of AP. But, if you are rolling with the night-wakings just fine, treat it as a problem only when/if it become a problem.
Our sleep story may fall on the extreme side of night-waking, but you asked, so I shall tell. DS woke every 3-4 hours from 4-7 months. From 7-12 months it was every 2 hours, with nursing at almost every waking. I would just pop him on and go back to sleep. Cosleeping makes that such a breeze! I would lose it if I had to get out of bed every time! Since 12 mo, it has gone to 3ish hours, but it is so easy now because he just needs a snuggle and goes right back to sleep. I usually only night nurse him at about 12:30 and then again at 6. The other wakings, I tell him that "milkies" are asleep, and he gets it. We start DS in his own bed, then bring him in with us when he wakes around 12:30.
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Okay, so who told my DD that I wrote this post, lol? She must've felt bad because last night she slept from 8:30 pm to 3 am and then went down again until 8 am! Crazy!
I really appreciate everyone's perspective on this issue. To answer the main question that was brought up: no, I don't have a problem with getting up to nurse her. I work 4 days/week so I really miss her during the day and enjoy the snuggle time we get, even if she's half asleep. My biggest problem is that we don't have a comfortable chair for me in her room, and we are going to fix that this week. I never even thought that her sleep schedule might be considered an issue until the Dr. said something. I'm definitely not a person to take a Dr.'s word for the gospel, but I absolutely wanted to give her opinion some thoughtful consideration.
tokenhoser and tarahnpaul- thanks for admitting that you're tired of getting up at night
It's helpful to hear that perspective. I'm gonna try to pay attention to when I'm "over it" and give myself permission to switch things up if/when it's not working for us anymore.
Thanks for the perspective and the link pixieprincss. Kellymom nailed it.
I tried for 8 months to get my daughter to sleep more. I tried all types of techniques and read many books, I thought I would lose my mind and then decided to bed-share. I was very reluctant to be a night time nursing mom and really hoped my daughter would be 'easier' at night than she is. I didn't get an easy going kid and she was determined to nurse at night, through anything. We are now very content with our nightime relationship and yes we do have a very secure attachment.
I very likely could have 'broke' her of this but it would have been very hard, so I took the path of least resistance and still allow her to nurse herself to sleep. She has however recently taken to falling asleep on her own. I know 2 years seems like a long time, I am happy with our situation.
I don't know how you describe your situation to others but if you make it a "we are happy with it" people tend not to give advice.
Little Rose is 2 1/2.